


Queen's Assassin

by Havani



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Angst, Assassin - Freeform, Drama, F/M, Magic, Romance, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, glad to be alive, long time lovers, luna sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:35:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29248881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Havani/pseuds/Havani
Summary: The Queen’s Assassin is a series of short stories centered on Saul Silva and my OC Endra Darav.Part 1 The Present synopsis:He should have told her he was hurt. Not let someone else do it for him.Endra Darav has been the Queen’s healer since she graduated from Alfea at the age of 17. Now 35, she is five months out from finishing her contract of indentured service with the queen. She returns to Alfea accompanying Luna as the queen stops by to check in on her daughter following attacks from the burned ones.Little does Endra know that Saul faced the burned one firsthand and almost died.Part 2 The Past:Saul and Endra's relationship first began when they were at school in Alfea. It was a different time. A more dangerous time. When chaos was well known and peace was hard to come by.
Relationships: Saul Silva x Oc, Saul Silva/Original Character(s), Saul Silva/Reader
Comments: 60
Kudos: 160





	1. Part One The Present | Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE YOU READ: If you’re just here for the smut cause I know there’s not a lot of Saul Silva smut out there, head right on to chapter 2. If you want to be able to read this series and know what the heck the story is between Saul and Endra, start at the beginning.  
> Okay, now listen. This is not a self-insert story but I have done my best to make Endra as under described as possible so please don’t ask me what she looks like cause my Endra is different from your Endra. Honestly the only reason she has a name and isn’t Y/N is because my style of writing hates doing that.  
> I had no idea there was such a thing as Winx Club until a few weeks ago. I did not grow up watching it. Winx: Fate was my first exposure to this world. That said this is really just a head-canon that exploded over Saul Silva and I’mma write what I want, how I want. Cause boy did I go deeeeeep off the end with this head-canon.  
> Part One is split into two because holy cow this bad boy turned really long. Woof.  
> This part is the only one that will follow so much of the show. I really wanted to set it up for the following parts to be more of a, “This is just what my head came up with for a possible AUish plot”.  
> This is like an AU but not AU. There’s AU powers for Endra and her story (indentured servitude, healing and stuff) but it also follows the show pretty closely. Parts 2,3 (and 4 if I need a part 4) will be me spit balling a head canon for the next season (if we get one). 
> 
> Cheers!  
> -E.

The car was wonderfully silent. Or at least it had been from the moment we left the Solarian palace until we reached the familiar forest lanes that led to Alfea. I gazed out the window, watching tree after tree rush past, the scenery broken into chunks of dense forest and, every now and then, wide open fields. I smiled softly at the soft light beaming from above, and relished the shadows as they passed over my face.

“You must be happy to see Alfea, again,” the woman next to me mused lazily, pulling me from my thoughts. Had the words fallen from anyone else’s lips they would have had a teasing tone to them, playful. The type of tone that implied there was something more, something quaint. These were anything but. These words were a reminder of the dagger she held against my spine and if I moved an inch too far in the wrong direction a world of pain would be my life for the next five months.

I bit the inside of my cheek and turned towards her. The smile on my lips felt hard and brittle as if even a twitch would shatter it. “I always enjoy returning to Alfea, Your Majesty.”

Luna glanced up from a deep red ledger in her lap and cut her eyes towards me. She arched one brow.

“Don’t get too excited,” she sighed, turning back to her book, “This is not a trip for pleasure and we aren’t staying.”

I turned back to the window and clasped my hands in my lap. The pad of my thumb ran over the inside of my left wrist over and over. I looked down at the curls of white that laced across my skin.

My brand. My oath. My curse for the past eighteen years.

I smiled. Five months and it would be gone. Five months and I could return to Alfea where no one would be able to make me leave. Not even the queen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took everything in me not to lean forward as the great dome of Alfea college came into view. Familiar gates drew ever closer as our car sped down the gravel drive. My hands squeezed into fists. My teeth bit into my cheek. I could almost feel Luna’s eyes gazing over me, searching for any crack in my façade.

“Ahem,” she cleared her throat and I pulled my eyes off the nearing gates and focused on the ledger she held out to me. I took it quickly. Her hand dropped back to her lap, smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt --- supposedly. There were none that I could make out.

I leaned to the left as the car made its way slowly around the curve of the drive and came to a stop at the front entrance of the school. Two familiar figures stood at the curb, a young man with golden hair and a beautiful young woman with hair that always reminded me of moonlight from the moment she had been born.

I squinted as the boy dashed away quickly. Sky?

Before I could know for sure he was gone, the driver had opened Luna’s door and was making his way around to mine. A familiar scent of pine and freshly cut grass hit my nose as the door opened and I climbed out of the car.

“Oh, Stella, look at you,” Luna’s voice crooned with an unfamiliar sweetness as I made my way around the car slowly, trying to give the two royals a moment to themselves.

I glanced up as I joined them. Luna moved past her daughter and made her way into the building. I smiled at the princess. “Your Highness,” I said softly giving a soft bow.

Stella’s smile faded for a second --- but not in a bad way. Her facial muscles relaxed from a tense grin to her more natural smile. She cocked her head for a second.

“Endra,” she said warmly.

“Come along, Stella,” Luna called from the entrance. With that order, the tension returned, the warmth vanish and Stella took a deep breath. I nodded and gestured for her to go before me.

Looking up I took a deep breath and entered Alfea.

It was as if I’d never left. Students ran this way and that racing from one class to another. Teachers prowled the halls and a buzz of noise filled my ears.

“Queen Luna, what a pleasure to see you,” a voice called as I turned from peering down towards the runic studies classrooms.

I pivoted quickly and rejoined the group falling into my normal place just behind Luna, ever present, ever at the ready. Farah Dowling smiled tightly as she came to a stop before Luna, bowing just shy of appropriately.

“I trust your journey was uneventful?”

“Bordering on tedious,” Luna answered, gesturing down the hallway. “We have many things to discuss,” she said. She turned to Stella. “You have classes, I believe?” With a nod, Stella took a deep breath and stepped away from the group, before starting down the opposite hall. I watched her, amazed to see someone move so quickly but still with an air of elegance as she all but ran away from her mother. Stepping aside, Farah waved Luna past, letting the queen take the lead down the halls of Alfea.

As I passed Farah, she fell into step with me. For a moment, her face lost the look of worry and she smiled down at me with a motherly kind of gaze.

“Hello, you,” she said.

I smiled. “Farah,” I said with a nod, before turning my attention back to Luna. I glanced at Farah. Worrisome lines and a frown had returned. “How bad is it?” I whispered.

She glanced at me, thinking. “Have you spoken with Saul?”

“Not recently,” I said.

Farah swallowed. “It’s bad,” she whispered back. Before I could ask more, we had reached her office and Luna was already walking through the door. Farah shot me a despairing look before following after her. I came to a stop in the doorway as Farah’s assistant greeted the queen with that nervous need to overhelp that everyone seemed to get whenever Luna entered a room.

Luna dismissed her, voice smooth and elegant and kind. I was amazed that I kept my eyes from rolling. Farah stepped behind her and made her way up the steps to her office, holding the door open for Luna. The queen followed. I followed the queen.

“You are not needed for this,” Luna said, holding her hand out to me. I stopped. Looking down at me she smiled, mouth wide, teeth gleaming like a dragon eyeing its prey. “You’ve missed Alfea so much, you should spend some time revisiting. See what’s changed since you were last here.”

With that, the pair disappeared behind a door of clouded glass. I blinked, unsure what I was meant to do now.

_Do I wait? Should I? Should I go --- what if she’s testing me? She’s probably testing me._

I turned around, my eyes meeting Farah’s assistant. She stood straight and tall as if she’d be willing to jump out the window and all I had to do was ask. She stepped forward.

“Do you nee—”

“I’m fine,” I said quickly, shaking my head. “Thank you, uh--- what was your name again?”

“Aisha.”

“Thank you, Aisha. I can take care of myself.”

She smiled, “You’re welcome…” Her brow tensed as she cocked her head, unsure of my name.

“You can call me Endra,” I offered.

She blinked. “Endra Darav?” she asked.

I raised my eyebrows. “That’s me.”

Aisha bounced on her heels. “You wrote _Magic’s Control Over the Fundamentals of Physics_.”

“Most people don’t get excited over meeting the author of academic theories,” I said, shaking my head. “But yes, I did write that.” A quick glance across her desk and the pile of books, explained exactly why she knew who I was. “What year are you in?” I asked.

“First.”

I picked up one of her books. “This is some heavy reading,” I murmured. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat uncomfortably. I set the book down and turned to the door. I glanced at Farah’s office. A knot wriggled in my stomach. I turned back to Aisha.

“Do the specialists still train at this time?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ouch,” I winced as a young boy was kicked off the training pad, flipping head over heels as he tumbled into the water. Shouts and cries filled the air as I approached the specialists training area. My chest felt tight with excitement as if my organs were rearranging to make room for the somersaults my stomach was attempting. I kept to the trees as I scanned the open field ahead of me. Part of me wanted to run and yell my way through until I had interrupted every sparring match and every lesson. That was the childish side of me. The other side was much more willing to wait in the shadows and watch.

“Don’t show him where you’re going to hit him, that’s why he keeps flooring you,” a man’s voice called out in irritation.

I sighed as my eyes settled over the back of Saul Silva. He shook his head as he watched two students spar before one fell with a horrible thud to the floor. I chuckled as I watched Saul climb up the steps quickly, lift the fallen student off the mat and set to practice punches, faking to one side before stepping in the other direction before repeating again and again. Once the kid had the routine mirrored, Saul turned on his heel and headed back down the steps. He looked out over the field, looking for his next victim. I stepped out from the tree line, not enough to draw anyone else’s attention, only his. He stopped with two steps to go.

_Should I wave?_

Before my hand could make it up, he was down the steps and walking towards me at a brisk pace – nothing too exciting or out of the ordinary but quicker than his normal gait. I glanced at the trees behind me. Pushing myself forward I met him halfway. He stopped. Five feet separated us.

“Hello,” he said, blue eyes wide, lips quirked just shy of a smile. I glanced at the crinkles round his eyes. He looked good, healthy, perhaps a bit tired if the circles beneath his eyes were telling the truth.

“Saul,” I said softly. He stepped forward.

“I was hoping she would bring you with her,” he said. “You look good.”

I nodded nonchalantly, as if I hadn’t nearly begged Luna to bring me with her. Then I shook my head. “We won’t be here long. We’ll leave after the assembly most likely.”

_Don’t get too excited._

Saul stopped moving any closer, his eyes never leaving mine. Then he stepped back quickly as if he came any closer, he’d be unable to get free from me. He nodded and took a deep breath. I held mine. Then he chuckled.

“I’m supposed to say this is better than not seeing you at all, aren’t I?”

My lips pulled back into a grin and I cocked my head with a nod. “If I were a romantic, I would say yes.”

We laughed together for another moment before dropping back into silence. It was always this way. To go months, sometimes years without seeing the other person, without feeling their presence --- it took more than a few minutes to remember how comfortable we truly were together.

“Farah seemed tense,” I said, finally breaking that barrier of unsaid things between us.

Saul swallowed then bowed his head deeply, thinking for a moment. “It’s been a rough couple of weeks.” He shook his head. “The burned ones---”

“Mr. Silva!!!” a voice called out from the training field, cutting him off.

“Sounds urgent,” I said, stepping back. Saul stepped after me. His hand reached for me.

“Endra, I need to tell you something.”

“Mr. Silva!”

I shook my head and began to turn. “Saul, I’ll try to catch you before I leave but you should go. Someone might be hurt.”

His hand dropped. Defeat. He rolled his lips together in a tight frown and he nodded his head. Without another glance at me, he turned his back and jogged back towards the open field.

I considered calling out to him. Maybe I would have told him goodbye and reminded him that he could always call me. Or maybe I’d have told him that I loved him.

But the further away from me he ran, the more I realized --- that all would have been too cruel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The route to the meeting hall was blessedly free of nearly any sign of life, save for one or two earth fairies boring their way through the walls as they raced to reach the assembly. I walked aimlessly, Luna’s red ledger still in hand, as if the slower I walked the longer I’d be able to stay in Alfea. Quick footsteps rushed down from the stairs ahead of me, a boy --- or young man--- with golden hair rushing as if something was chasing him.

“Sky?” I called, stopping to get a better look at him. The boy skidded to a stop, blinking as he turned to look at me. His eyes rushed over my face in confusion, before a clear look of recognition overtook him.

“Endra?”

“Glad to see you still recognize me,” I teased, before he crashed into me, wrapping me into the tightest hug. “Ok, you can let me down,” I wheezed as I felt my feet leave the floor. With a stuttering laugh, Sky set me down.

“I can’t believe Queen Luna brought you with her,” he said. “Have you seen---?”

“Yes.” I cut him off before he could even say the name. It was easier that way. “How have you been?”

Sky’s brow wrinkled and he sighed with a shrug. “Good- good. It’s been a crazy last few weeks…”

“So, I’ve heard.”

“---what with the burned ones and Silva’s injuries.”

“Injuries?” I asked, throat constricting as I crossed my arms. Sky’s eyes blinked open and closed, mouth agape as he looked down at me, wondering what he should say next.

He decided on a question. “He didn’t call you?” he asked.

I shook my head and swallowed. “How bad was it?” I asked, looking up to peer into Sky’s eyes looking for any hint that he might be bending the truth to make his story less severe.

He didn’t speak for a moment. “He almost died, Endra.” My chest seized. He continued. “They tracked and killed the wrong one and…” Sky trailed off, biting his lip, looking down as he struggled to tell me the rest. “He just gave up.”

Stings of pain broke across my vision and I turned away. “But he’s okay now?”

“He’s still healing but yes. I actually helped take down the burned one that got him.”

I spun around. “You what?”

Sky smiled sheepishly and held up his hands. “Silva’s already called me a stupid idiot so you don’t have to say anything.”

“Oh, I will say something,” I said, my voice raising in pitch. His smile disappeared as I laid into him. “Do you have any idea how Saul would have felt had anything happened to you? You could have been killed. How could you be so reckless?”

“I’m fine,” he said, “I had help. And besides Ms. Dowling was the one to really put it down.”

“That does not make it any better! Saul should have done more than call you an idiot,” I said, shaking my head. I took a deep breath as Sky clasped his hands behind his back and bowed his head. I seethed. I searched for something else to say, some other way to express how angry I was at him, how scared I was for him. I sighed. “I’m glad you are ok,” I said, finally, reaching up to pat his cheek.

His lips twitched into a half smile. “Thanks.”

Dropping my hand, I stepped back. “Now, where were you going in such a hurry?”

He opened his mouth, paused, thought, then when he settled on an answer he spoke slowly. So slowly it was highly suspicious. “I’m… looking for a friend.”

I smirked. “A friend? Are they a girl? Your girlfriend perhaps?” I asked, teasingly.

His cheeks colored rapidly. “I-I well---"

Stepping aside, I nodded down the hall. “You better go find her, and I’ll pretend I didn’t see you sneaking away from the mandatory assembly.”

Sky grinned. He started down the hall, turning halfway round to wave back at me. “Thanks, Endra,” he said before he disappeared around the corner.

I smiled softly. Then that smile disappeared as I turned towards the assembly hall. Saul had said he had something to tell me. If what Sky had said was true, then Saul had more to do than tell me he’d been injured and neglected to let me know.

He had some explaining to do. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There you are.” Luna’s voice grated its way through my ears, stopping me in my tracks as I turned down the final hall that led to the assembly.

I turned around. “How can I assist you, Your Majesty?” She sauntered towards me holding out her hand. I stepped back, heart leaping into my throat. I instinctively pulled my left arm behind my back. Luna stopped.

“You have my notes, Endra,” she said dully. I looked down, the red ledger in my grasp feeling like a thousand pounds.

“Oh,” I said. Shaking my head, I handed it to her.

“Jittery aren’t we?” she asked, pulling the book open and looking over the papers within.

“Just a bit… displaced.” I murmured. She arched an eyebrow and continued to read, slowly making her way down the hall without me. When she was five steps away, I finally asked, “Did you know?” Luna stopped. She turned around, closing her book.

“Did I know what?”

Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer, lowering my voice. “Did you know Saul had been injured by a burned one?”

“Of course,” she answered, as if there was nothing remotely wrong. I held my breath and cursed silently. Realms bless her, Luna never lied, she simply omitted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It would have been distracting,” she said, as if that answer made any kind of sense.

“I need to stay,” I said, refusing to flinch as her eyes darted up, shooting a dark gaze of disapproval and anger. “Just one night,” I said. “Please?”

Luna stared at me, unmoving. Then she turned her head, a gazed out the nearest window. “It’s going to cost you,” she murmured.

Of course, it is.

Biting my lip, I walked towards her, reaching down and lifting the cuff of my black sleeve just enough that the marks encircling my wrist were visible.

“I know,” I said, holding my hand out to her.

Taking hold of my hand, she laid her ice-cold fingers against my skin turning my arm over one way and then another. “I think… a month is fair payment?”

My heart fell. There was no use haggling. She could have asked for a year, and I’d have said yes. For once in the nearly two decades that I had known her, this was Luna being generous.

“Agreed,” I breathed.

As soon as that word left my lips, blinding hot pain enveloped my arm, and I brought my free hand up to cover my eyes, trying to block out the light. It was as if she held the sun in her hand and was using it to inscribe her mark onto my skin.

Then it was done.

Luna sighed as she released my hand, and I pulled it back, hugging it to my chest as hot tears wet my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, but not quickly enough. She looked over me dully.

“I should really bring you here more often,” she sighed, before rising to stand. “You make the most questionable decisions whenever your paths cross.”

My lungs pulled in a shuddering breath. “Thank you,” I whispered, not out of gratitude. I straightened up, and dropped my hands willing my nerves to stand strong as I faced her.

She narrowed her eyes, before setting her ledger under her elbow and turning down the hall away from me.

“You’re always welcome, Endra.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn’t hear Luna’s speech. Not from a lack of attendance, but a lack of interest --- or perhaps focus was a better description. Between the burning ache in my left arm and the constant racing of my mind, if asked I couldn’t retell any points from her monologue.

As the students dispersed, and Luna pulled Stella and Farah aside, I watched as Saul crossed the room and spoke quickly to Ben Harvey. They looked worried, Ben more so than Saul, but Saul could always hide his worries under a scowl when he needed to. Pushing off the wall I approached them slowly, not sure if my company would be welcome.

Then Ben saw me. That sense of worry seemed to float off his shoulders, he straightened up, held open his arms and called my name.

“Endra!”

“Hello, Ben,” I replied, grinning right back at him. Reaching up, I hugged him quickly before stepping back. “How are the kids?” I asked.

“Grand,” he said with a smile, “Terra’s in her first year --- I think she’s loving it.” I glanced quickly at Saul finding him with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the floor. Ben seemed to follow my gaze. “I think I’ll go see if I can figure out what went amiss with this,” he said waving to a small golden cylinder in his hand. He stepped past me and patted my shoulder before walking away. Saul sighed next to me as I turned around.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, leveling him with the look that I knew would always get him talking. He lifted his gaze, brow wrinkling and shook his head. Stepping closer he spoke in a low voice, eyeing the room carefully as if someone might overhear him.

“Someone tried to get to Rosalind.”

“What?”

“And we think they set the burned one loose to distract us while they did it. Then they killed Farah’s assistant.”

“Shit.”

“Mhmm.”

I crossed my arms and frowned. “Does Luna know all this?”

Saul nodded his head. “I told you it’s been a rough few weeks.”

“Yeah, in more ways than one, I hear,” I said. Saul cocked his head, eyebrows dipping in confusion. Shaking my head and gritting my teeth I began to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you’d---”

Ping!

I stopped as Saul’s phone went off in his pocket. “Why didn’t you---”

Ping! Ping!

He winced and reached down, pulling it out. Looking to the side, I waited as he read through the texts.

“It’s Sky. I have to go,” he said, looking up at me, eyes wide. “I-I’m sorry but I have to---”

“Go.”

He shook his head and stepped forward, hand catching mine. “Endra…”

“Go, I’ll _be here_ when you get back,” I told him. He blinked.

“What?”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” I said quickly, setting my hand against his chest and pushing him away. He thought about questioning me, but as another series of alerts rang in on his phone, he tore his eyes from mine and ran from the hall.

I took a deep breath.

_That’s the second time that man has run away from me today._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	2. Part One The Present | Chapter 2 SMUT

Electricity ran over my fingers as I played with the lock to Saul’s rooms. Play because who needs a key when you have magic? Or better yet, who installs old fashion locks at a school for fairies?

Like a charm the door handle turned and the door slowly opened. Just like it always had. Smirking, I stepped over the threshold, closed the door behind me and started up the entry stairs.

Nearly all one big room, you could stand in the kitchen and talk to whoever was still in bed. The only true second room was the bathroom, on the far end of the building. Saul’s apartment wasn’t grand. Luna would have said it lacked a woman’s touch. I wouldn’t know. I loved it exactly as it was. Simple. Structured. Everything had a place and was neatly packed away. Along the walls were tools, a few books, and some photographs. Smiling to myself I approached the bookshelf in the corner. Bending down I reached for a specific, faded, sky-blue leather-bound book, and pulled it up off the lower shelf.

“Oh god,” I smiled as I turned through the first few pages. Chronological the book began with photos of the two of us, young, still in school. I smiled at how long my hair had been, at how Saul’s forehead hadn’t had nearly so many wrinkles. As I turned page over page, the photos grew slightly more recent, definite gaps in time between certain snapshots. I pulled the pages one after the other, burrowing deeper into the back of the book.

Slipping out of my boots, I made my way to the bed and settled down against the headboard, setting the photobook in my lap. A series of photos came into view as I turned the next page. I arched an eyebrow as I saw myself, naked, sheet wrapped loosely round my chest. Saul sat behind me, just as naked as I, his arms encircling mine and I remember him reaching to try and take the camera out of my hand.

I smirked, as I looked over the rest of the page knowing that I wasn’t the one who put those photos in the book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the clock hit 9:00 I started to think he wasn’t coming.

You traded an entire month for one night to talk in person with Saul, and he’s not even here. Idiot.

The photobook, examined numerous times already, was back in its place on the shelf. I’d already gone through his fridge, pulling whatever I wanted out and quickly devouring it. My phone had been silent all night. I told myself I should be patient, that he’d come when he was finished with whatever had come up but damn it would have been easier if he’d at least had a Wi-Fi or even a TV.

With a sigh, I crawled to the foot of the bed and lay on my stomach, resting my head on my right arm. My eyes slowly began to drift closed.

Then I heard it. Key in the lock. Lock turning, pins ticking. I sat up. The sound of the door closing echoed up the stairs, footsteps following after it. I stood up. Slowly, a head of black hair appeared on the stair case rising higher and higher. He stopped as he reached the top, finally seeming to notice my presence.

“You’re still here,” he said. The way he said it sounded like half a question, half a statement.

I stepped across the room, stopping halfway. “I told you I would be.”

Dropping his bag by the steps Saul came towards me, so quickly that I would have had no chance to get away if I wanted to. I didn’t.

It wasn’t the best kiss we’d ever shared, at least not at first. It was too hard, his lips crashing against mine. Slight pain broke out against my mouth as he kissed me. His hands seemed unsure as if he didn’t know if he could touch me, let alone where to set his palms. My eyes closed. My hands slipped between us, sliding over his chest. One year since our last kiss, I told myself. We just needed to remember. And with time, we did. Slowly, his kisses turned softer, warmer, still just as needy but gentle, his warmth melting against my own. He held me tightly, as if he refused to let me go ever again.

Then I remembered. I’m not here for this.

Bracing my hands against his chest, I pushed him back. His hold on me broke and I stepped away as quickly as I could before he could catch me again.

“We need to talk,” I said, breathlessly. Reaching up, I pushed a strand of hair away from my face. Saul, just a winded stepped back, and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

“What about?” he asked.

“Your burned one injuries.”

He stared at me for a moment. Neither of us moved as I fixed him with my most irate glare, daring him to try to soften the truth.

“Luna told you?” he asked. A look of disgust rolled over his face as he said her name.

“Sky,” I said, with a shake of my head. “He told me it was a close call.”

Saul’s shoulders straightened, bracing himself. “It was.” A scoffing sound wrung itself from my throat and I turned aside. Saul stepped forward. “Endra.” My hand rose between us, palm facing him. He stopped.

“I expect Luna to tell me nothing,” I breathed neck twisting until I was looking back at him, “because that gives her power --- but you?”

“It wasn’t worth worrying you then and it’s not worth arguing now, I’m sorry that—”

“I’m not arguing,” I cut him off. “I’m asking. I’m asking why you were willing to let someone else tell me you had died. Forget just simply letting me know you’d been injured? How could you cut me out like that?”

“I didn’t cut you out.”

Now we were arguing. Throwing up my hands, I stepped forward. “You didn’t call, text --- Ben and Farah didn’t try to contact me at all so I assume you told them not to.” Saul’s mouth shut and he glanced at me like I’d just trapped him in a corner.

He shook his head. “Luna wouldn’t have let you go and even if she had, you can’t heal wounds from burned ones, Endra.”

“I don’t care if I couldn’t have done anything, I don’t care if I wouldn’t have been able to be with you, Saul. I care that you thought I didn’t need to know that I might lose you. We’ve been together for eighteen years --- I deserved to know that you were hurt.” I looked up not sure how I had crossed the room so quickly to stand just a foot away from him again. He leveled me with a quiet look, his eyes running over my face taking in every twitch of anger, fear and anxiety I was feeling.

“When I thought about what it would do to Sky,” he stepped closer, “what it would do to you...” he sighed, running his thumb across the inside of my wrist. “We’re so close, Endra, to being free of this and then I almost die before you’re free? None of that was fair. I was angry. At myself, at just how much of a fuck up my life has been. I was hopeless, helpless and I didn’t want to drag you down into that with me.”

My voice cracked through clenched teeth. “If you’re hurt --- dying, I get to worry. I’ve more than earned that, Saul.”

“I know.” His hands slipped to cup my elbows and I tensed but didn’t push him away. “I just thought that the longer I waited, the more likely it’d be that the battalion would finish their mission. Then when they did and we found out they got the wrong burned one --- I thought that the longer I waited it out, the more pain I would spare you. It doesn’t make sense now, I know that, but then…”

“That was the pain talking,” I said bluntly.

Saul cocked his head and lifted his eyes to the ceiling, thinking. “Or the drugs. Ben slipped me quite a few.”

“New rule that I never thought I’d actually have to express aloud.” I poked the center of his chest with my index finger. “You do not get to make decisions for us when either you’re in extreme pain or under the influence of Ben’s drug cocktails.” We shared a small smile as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine. “Are you alright?” I whispered, looking up into his eyes. He nodded, eyes never leaving mine as if he was trying to show me that he was telling the truth.

“I’m sore, I’m tired, but I’m healing. And if I had to go through that again to get you here… Well, I don’t know for certain I would do it again, but I’d consider it at least.”

“Just what every girl wants to hear, Mr. Silva,” I said with a smirk. Rising on the tips of my toes, I pecked him on the lips and set my hands on his waist. His hands found mine, roughened palms covering my skin.

“I won’t keep you in the dark again,” he said craning down to peer into my eyes. “I promise.” He leaned closer. Gentle heat caressed my lips as he pressed against me. His tongue teased me, dragging along the crest of my bottom lip, moving deeper until we found each other.

“Take off your shirt,” I murmured, fingering the hem of his sweater.

“Just what every man wants to hear,” he said as he leaned back, raising one brow cockily.

“So, I can heal you,” I added, teeth grinding together as I shot him a playful grin. He reached up grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it over his head. As I watched him, my mind went down the same train of thought as Saul’s. I shook my head.

Heal now, fun later.

Saul turned to the side, lifting his arm to show me a jagged cut to his lower back. “It’s honestly not that bad, now,” he said. He was right, a few more weeks and he’d be healed, but I knew it had to be slowing him up a bit and if I could abate even just a bit of his pain, it’d be worth it. Might as well fix it now. Reaching down, I ran the tips of my fingers in a wide oval surrounding the broken skin. Muscles tense, and Saul’s breath hitched. “God, your hands are always cold as ice.”

“You’d think you’d be less surprised by now,” I murmured before focusing on the wound. Threads of red light flowed from my fingertips and flowed over Saul’s back moving this way and that as I crooked my fingers forcing my intent behind my magic. I numbed the area first, blocking any nerve endings. Fast healing could have wonderful results but could be dreadfully painful in the moment if done incorrectly.

“Can you leave the scar?” Saul asked, looking over his shoulder. I stared up at him blankly. “No scar, it didn’t happen,” he said sheepishly.

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to my work. “You’re 38 years old and you still care about what the other boys say,” I murmured, pressing my hand over his wound. Skin, muscles and tissue stretched and wove together, tearing and twisting apart as Saul was quickly healed. “There,” I said finally, dropping my hand from his side. Saul sighed, releasing his shoulders as the tension left his body. He twisted round, trying to see. A white scar lay where torn skin had once been. “Any other requests while I’m here?” I asked, bored.

Saul shook his head. Then he turned around and faced me sidling up to me, taking my hand in his, a lazy grin on his lips. “How long are you here for?”

I glanced down at my feet as I sat down on the bed behind me. “One night only,” I said looking back at him and bless him he kept any sign that he was disappointed hidden save for the way his eyes flickered.

“Generous of Luna,” he grumbled before sitting next to me on the bed. Looking down I watched as he took my left hand in his and gently pulled up my cuff. The white runes had been a touch fainter this morning and I was sure no one could tell the difference but myself. Still… “What did it cost you?” he asked, looking up at me.

My mouth went dry. I scrunched my nose and drew up my shoulders in a full body wince.

“A month?” I whispered.

“A month,” he repeated. “One night?” I nodded my head at that and he rose up, pacing back and forth in front of me. “We were five months away from this contract ending and you’ve added a whole month more. Don’t you see --- she’s just going to keep finding ways to pull you in, to keep you at her side doing her dirty work---”

Standing up, I caught him by the arm. “I know the math doesn’t add up but I needed---” 

“No more.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “Saul, I know---"

He gripped my hand, hard and shook his head. “No, I don’t care if we’re on death’s door and she’s the only one who can save us---”

I frowned at that. “Well, I would really be the one with the best chance of saving anybody---"

“Endra,” he called my name. I stopped talking. My hand stilled in his and I looked up at him. His gaze was stern but not angry. A warm pressure squeezed around my fingers. “You give her no more of your time. Promise me.”

“I won’t,” I said, tugging my hand, but he refused to let go.

“You’ve said that before. Promise me, full sentence with all the words.

“Just---”

“Eh,” he said, turning his head to the side and glaring at me over the bridge of his nose. He pointed at me, finger rising just in front of my nose. “Promise.”

I bit my lip, and grabbed his hand, pulling it down. “I will but let me say this, please.” He stood in front of me, not moving not saying a word and I realized he was giving me my chance to say my piece. I looked down at his hands, turned them over and studied the lines. “I couldn’t fathom leaving Alfea today without knowing that we were alright. We can never talk freely over the phone. And today piled on top of me until I couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t go back to the palace not knowing where we stand.”

I looked up. Saul shook his head and said, “I know you were worried about me, but you didn’t need to stay tonight.”

“Yes, I was worried about you,” I said, “but I was doubting us more.” Saul’s hand went rigid against mine, fingers immovable as if I had frozen him in time. Reaching up I snaked my free hand around the back of his neck and held him close. “We’ve spent eighteen years talking about what we’ll do when this is gone,” I lifted my wrist showing Luna’s mark, “and I’m afraid that we won’t know how to be together, truly.” I leaned forward and rested my cheek against his chest, skin to skin. The sound of his heartbeat filled my ear as tears stung my eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Saul.”

“I want that too.” I lifted my gaze and he smiled at me, brushing away my tears with the pad of his thumb. “And if we can’t make it after nearly two decades of dating, it’s a wonder that any marriage lasts.” I scoffed and turned my face back towards his chest, shoulders shaking as I laughed. A rumble rolled through his chest as his arms snaked around my back and the weight of his chin rested atop the crown of my head. “If you want this, and I want this, then we’ll make it work, love.” We stood together for a moment before he said. “You still haven’t promised you know that?”

With a sigh, I rolled my eyes and leaned back to look up at him. “I won’t give her anymore of my time, Saul. I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I held the towel to my face, breathing in the scent of detergent one more time before hanging the cloth on a nearby hook. I looked into the bathroom mirror, a swath of clear glass allowing me to look myself over one last time. A plain black t-shirt covered my top and I was too warm to don the sweats still folded on the counter. I raked my fingers through my hair, pushing it back as I breathed out a sigh. Clean face, clean body. I pushed off the counter, and made my way through the door, back into the main room.

Saul sat on the bed, legs sprawled out before him a pile of reports laying next to him. Throwing my uniform over the back of the couch I approached him slowly hoping he’d pay attention to me sooner rather than later. Lifting his eyes from the page he glanced my way.

“Feel better?” he asked, looking over my bare legs.

“Mmhmm,” I hummed as I came to a stop as his side of the bed. I glanced at the clock. Half past midnight. Luna would expect me back before ten if I was lucky. “Interesting read?” I asked peering at the file in his lap. A photo of a girl sat in the top corner, smiling too sweetly.

Saul sighed and closed the file before I could read more. “We caught the one that tried to get to Rosalind.”

I looked at the report as he laid it on the bed stand. “Her?”

Saul’s head leaned forward in a silent nod. “Farah’s questioning her now.”

“She’s younger than I was…” I breathed. Guilt stabbed its way through my gut. A warm hand enveloped my own and I turned back to find Saul watching me softly.

“Yes, but you should have heard her. She killed Callum --- set a burned one loose to slaughter an entire platoon of specialists. But she feels no remorse for any of it. She honestly thinks she’s the innocent in all this.”

“Any idea why she wants to get to Rosalind?”

“Beyond the usual tricks and destruction that follows the woman?” Saul sighed. “Not a clue.” Shifting to sit up, his hands reached for my waist, pulling me onto the bed next to him. “Right now, I don’t care.”

“Really?”

His head leaned side to side as he weighed the question. “Alright I do care, but I’d much rather focus on you for the next…” he glanced the clock, “eight hours?”

Melancholy washed over me. “Probably six, maybe seven if we’re lucky,” I told him.

Saul’s face neared mine and he shrugged his shoulders. “Then I’d best get a move on, yeah?” Nodding my head, I leaned to the side as our lips met again soft and slow. I rose up as his arms snaked round my waist, one hand drifting up to tangle in my hair as the other moved lower, palming the curve of my rear. I smiled as I turned my head to the side, allowing him to cover my throat and jaw in kisses and quick licks of his tongue. My fingernails picked at the back collar of his t-shirt before slipping beneath it to feel him skin to skin.

Cool air teased my belly as my shirt was pulled up and I raised my arms as it was pulled over my head and quickly tossed aside. He looked me over, up and down over the rise of my bare breasts all the way to the black underwear that offered me my last bit of coverage.

“Lay down,” he told me, moving aside so I could move to take my place on the bed. I stood up for a minute watching him watch me. Reaching down, I hooked my thumbs beneath the waistband of my panties and pulled them down, stepping out of them quickly before slipping in between the sheets of his bed. I wasn’t sure how he wanted me until his hand rose and pressed against the center of my chest, pushing me onto my back. His face hovered over mine. His hand drifted lower the rough calluses of his palm running across my skin. Reaching up, I cupped his face and pulled him down to meet me. I stiffened as he first breached my center, the feeling familiar and yet strange after so long without him. He looked down at me, pressing his brow to mine, his eyes focused on mine. Then he was gone, hand still present between my legs as he moved down my body, pressing me into the mattress offering no escape.

His fingers curled inside me, searching for that perfect spot.

“Saul!” I whimpered out his name, my head thrashed hard against the pillows beneath me as my hips drove down on their own, begging for him to press more inside me. He did so, his hot tongue joining in to run over me again and again before breaking his rhythm to suck against my bud. Heavy sighs where repeatedly torn from my throat, rising out into the air and filling the room. They were broken only by the sounds of his quick breaths for air and his fingers stroking against my soaked core.

Lifting my head, I reached down and raked my fingers through his hair. “Don’t stop,” I begged as he slowed, “please don’t stop. Ah!” A knot coiled along my lower belly, hot and deep and throbbing and as it seemed to grow, the less I could control myself. My lungs burned, my hips moved of their own accord, whines were ripped from my throat. I called Saul’s name like it was my own personal chant. The knot snapped inside me and my body stiffened, back arching, head thrown back in a silent cry.

It felt like forever. And then forever ended.

Panting I lowered my legs and brought my hands up to rest beneath my breasts as Saul’s weight moved across my thighs, shifting upwards. His lips pressed against my stomach again and again, drifting higher and higher as I slowly lifted my head to look down at him. With a sigh, I sat up. He moved back, giving me space to move onto my knees. A giddy feeling raced up my spine as I moved across the bed towards him. I fell against him throwing my arms around his neck as I leaned in and kissed him.

“Did you like that?” he asked and I hummed against him as my eyes opened and closed slowly, lazily as if my body could only move in slow motion.

“Your turn,” I murmured against him mid-kiss, pressing the palm of my hand over the bulge in the front of his sweats. I raised my hips, starting to move back so I could move down to get a better angle. I began to lean down when a set of hands pulled me back up. I straightened up, frowning. “What’s wrong?” I asked resting my hand against the top of his sweats. Saul took a deep breath and chuckled, shaking his head as if I’d asked a silly question.

“I just want to be inside you,” he said, stopping my hand from venturing deeper into his pants. I cocked my head and looked him over, noting the red tones making their way across his skin, the way his eyes seemed wider and brighter, hyper focused on me.

“Whatever you want,” I said, sitting back on my knees. I looked down as he sat still across from me. “But you’re going to have to take off your pants.”

Saul’s gaze dropped before rising back up quickly. “Right,” he said, standing up. I reached up and played with a few tendrils of my hair as I watched him divest himself of all clothing. First his shirt and then his pants. It wasn’t the most elegant show he’d ever given me but I appreciated it for what it was. He glanced at me before setting one knee on the bed. “How do you want…” he trailed off as I rose up, still on my knees but now high enough to be just a tad lower than his face.

“Remember the last time you were in the capital?” I asked, reaching up and running my hands up his chest slowly.

His cheek twitched and he breathed out slowly. “Yes,” he said, gruff a tinge of embarrassment in his voice.

I looked down coyly. “Remember that position we tried?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to hold me like that again,” I whispered leaning forward and pressing my lips against his chest, my eyes staring up at him. “Please?”

An amused smirk grew on Saul’s face and he moved down onto the bed, pulling his legs up to cross in front of him. “Come on,” he said when I hesitated a moment. Pursing my lips, I tried not to grin too much before I crawled towards him. A leg thrown this way, arms set to rest upon his shoulders and I soon found myself straddling his lap, sitting just high enough that he had to look up at me for a change.

“Hello,” I crooned, giggling as he leaned up with a laugh and kissed my jaw. Our limbs shuffled for a moment as he reached beneath me, a length of heat rubbing against my inner thigh. His fingertips delved between my folds.

“Ready?” he asked as he pressed the head of his cock against me. I glanced down between us and nodded. Our two voices groaned out together as he entered me. I closed my eyes as he moved, a familiar stretch and sting filling me as he settled deeper. Deeper. 

“Oh, fuck I’ve needed you,” I moaned, digging my nails into his shoulder as I sunk down on him. Saul grunted against me, tongue laving across my nipple as he suckled against my skin. Without warning, I flexed my core enjoying the shudder that raced through his body before the pleasure captured me as well in wave upon wave.

We stayed like that for a while: close, face to face, arms locked around the other, refusing to let go as we rocked. I gasped for breath as Saul’s brow leaned against my shoulder. My eyes closed as his weight pressed against me. I held him, tightening my hold. His breath hitched.

“Fuck, I’m… Endra, I’m close.”

“Shh,” I soothed, pushing him down on the bed. His arms released me, legs unfurled beneath me. Leaning above him I ran my tongue across the juncture of his throat and lifted one hand to his temple. Red tendrils arched from my fingertips and delved through his mind searching for just the right spot.

There.

“That’s not fair,” Saul groaned, squirming as I traced a line with the tip of my finger down the center of his body all the way to where we had joined. I didn’t linger and instead pulled my hand away quickly, not sure I could resist the temptation to touch myself.

A sudden gasp left me breathless as he pushed deeper inside me. “What’s not fair?” I chuckled, hissing mid-breath as he moved out of rhythm. “That I’m going to make you wait to cum hard and deep or that I might just decide to call it a night any time now?”

Saul’s hands grabbed my hips, fingertips digging into my flesh. He sat up, eyes boring into mine. “Don’t you dare,” he warned. My smirk turned into a full grin as I leaned back, resting my weight on his thighs before rolling my hips up, down and around. Again. Then again. And again.

“Just a little longer,” I told him, closing my eyes for a moment. My jaw dropped as he hit deep inside me.

When I opened my eyes again, I found Saul had fallen back on the bed, hands still holding onto my hips as I went faster and faster. He moved with me, keeping pace as best he could without losing what little control he had left. The knot from before formed in my lower belly again and I brought one hand down in front of me. My fingers teased along my skin at first before finding their own rhythm pushing myself towards my high with each bounce of my hips meeting his.

“It feels so good,” I hissed.

Opening his eyes, Saul’s head rose up off the bed and he looked down between us groaning and gasping for air. “Endra,” he called my name holding it out in a long, deep moan.

“I know,” I cried out, throwing my head back as we moved faster and faster. With my free hand I set my palm against the center of his chest a maze of red light ran over his skin. Digging in my nails, the light followed suit delving beneath his skin, pulsing throughout his body.

A sudden shout tore itself from Saul’s throat and his hand rose up to grab ahold of mine. Biting my lip, I rolled my hips and pressed against myself as he pushed up into me hitting my depths as I began to tighten and shake over him. We moved together again and again calling out for each other before it finally ended and I collapsed atop him. The final quakes of my second orgasm raced through me as I pressed my face into his neck, holding onto him as if he was the only thing keeping me afloat.

Slowly I caught my breath, chest constricting and releasing in time with the rise and fall of his hand grazing up and down my spine. The strength returned to my limbs, and my skin seemed to be too hot against his sweat pooling between us. Pushing myself up, I slipped off him and laid down on my side next to him. A hazy need to sleep pulled at my eyelids.

“I’m going to need another shower,” I mumbled smiling at Saul’s laugh.

“I think we both need one.”

I opened my eyes and looked up as Saul’s head turned towards me. “Thank god we’re not teenagers anymore,” I said. “Because that almost sounded like an invitation for another round and , I mean this in the best way, I’m good.”

Rising up, Saul leaned over me. “God no,” he murmured pressing his lips to my temple, “I just want to get cleaned up, hold you and go to sleep.”

My eyes closed as he pulled back and I raised a hand, waving him off. “Go. I’ll join you once I can feel my legs again.”

Saul chuckled but didn’t argue. He slipped out of the bed and jogged to the bathroom as I sat up and watched him go, eyes trailing after his backside. Shaking my head, I threw the sheets back, jumped up and raced after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wasn’t sure where I was at first when I woke up. The pain began softly, creeping up my arm, burning and pulsing. I tried to ignore it, I tried to go back to sleep. It grew more insistent. My eyes flashed open, a strange ceiling loomed above me. Turning my head, I came face to face with Saul. His eyes were closed, soft snores leaving his nose.

Oh.

A flash of fiery pain bloomed from my wrist to my shoulder and I sat up quickly, pulling my arm up against my chest. I glanced at the clock as it struck six am. I closed my eyes, before stepping out of the bed cursing silently.

_Fuck you, Luna._

The pain seemed to lessen for a moment. Stepping around the bed, I made my way to the couch in the corner and grabbed my pants, searching for my phone. Taking it in hand I sent a quick text.

_**On my way.** _

The text sent. A blip at the bottom of the screen read, “Delivered.” The pain stopped. Letting out a deep breath, I let go of my hand and started to get dressed. I pulled on my bra and top smoothing out any wrinkles in my black uniform. Tugging on my leggings I sat down and began to work my feet into my boots.

A yawn echoed out from the bed and I looked up just as Saul turned over and rose up on his elbows looking around the room till his eyes settled on me. I dropped my boot.

“Already?” he asked, voice hoarse and low with disappointment. He already knew the answer.

I waved my wrist in front of me and bit the inside of my cheek. “No wakeup call quite like a magic summoning, you know,” I grumbled, before picking up my boot and refocusing on my task. Looking down I tied my laces as Saul’s footsteps approached from the bed.

“Are you alright?” he asked, coming to a stop in front of me. I looked up and rose from my seat, reaching out for him.

“I’m used to it,” I told him and he opened his mouth to say something before I shushed him. “I’d rather spend the next few minutes not talking about it, please.”

My heart thudded in my chest. That’s all the time we had. A few minutes.

Saul sighed before his hands rose to cup my chin. “Six months.”

“Six months,” I echoed.

“And not a second more,” he said levelling me with his gaze.

I shook my head. “I promised, Saul. Six months. That’s it and I’ll be back here, with you, begging Farah to give me a job.”

“She’ll take you in a heartbeat,” he said, wrapping his arms around me in a strong unyielding hug. My hands pressed into his back. “I don’t want to let you go,” he whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes, pressed my face against his shoulder and breathed in his scent again and again. “I don’t want you to,” I whispered back. But I had to. My hands slowly fell away from his shoulder blades and moved between us until I could push against his chest. He didn’t let me go but he released his hold enough for us to lean back and look at one another. “I have to go.” Standing on my tiptoes I kissed him. I meant it to be short. I meant it to be quick. Saul didn’t follow that plan. His tongue teased mine as he pulled me closer to him. I nipped his bottom lip and pulled away, taking hold of his arms to push him away as gently as I could. His arms fell to his sides. I’m 

“I love you,” he said voice wavering. I swallowed and turned away to grab my coat as my vision began to blur. I stepped around him and pulled the thick woolen coat on.

“I love you too,” I whispered. I didn’t look at him. I didn’t stop. I raced down the stairs and ran through the door, shuddering as it slammed closed behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done with part one yaaaay. 
> 
> So I can’t take requests but I’d love to know any ideas you guys might have for where you’d like to see Endra and Saul’s story goes from here. 
> 
> What scenarios would you like to see these two in? *wiggles mustache*


	3. Part Two The Past | Chapter 1 of 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two The Past Summary: 
> 
> The beginning of Endra and Saul's relationship, back when they were still students at Alfea, but it's a much different school than the one that exists presently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that Rosalind is the current headmistress (you won’t be seeing her, but just know she’s there), and Farah is an assistant professor. I’m head canoning that Rosalind hasn’t gone too nuts yet and we’re two years out from Aster Fell. Also, as you’ll learn Endra is under immense pressure to graduate years before what is normal (can you say, “Fuck you, Luna?”) hence why she and Saul are both regarded as seniors but she is three years younger than he is.

Flipping through my book, I read quietly in the hall as I waited for the classes to change. The book wasn’t that interesting or enlightening but it did offer a nice barrier to anyone who might have passed me by looking to strike up a conversation. Turning the page, I crooked an eyebrow as the class door across from me swung open.

“Have your papers on the anatomy of burned ones in by next week please, and remember to cite your sources correctly. I am speaking to you, Ms. Mararova.” A rush of people poured out from the doorway, rushing this way and that. Closing my book, I pushed off the wall and waited for a clear path into the classroom.

As I walked through the door I leaned forward peaking around the corner, finding just the person I was looking for. Sitting at her desk in the back of the room, Ms. Dowling stacked a pile of papers neatly together, jotting down notes with her free hand. I cleared my throat as I approached and she looked up. A pleasant smile quirked her lips slightly.

“Ah, Endra, how good to see you,” she said setting down her pen. I smiled back and stopped in front of her desk.

“Professor Dowling, I was---”

“How was your summer holiday?” she asked and I bit my tongue mid-sentence.

“Fine,” I said quickly, perhaps too quickly as her brow wrinkled. I shook my head. “Nothing too exciting. I was hoping I could talk to you about a change to my schedule this year?”

She shook her head. “I don’t make the schedules, Endra, you know that.”

I twisted around and reached into my bag, pulling out a schedule list. “Yes, but as advisor for my special courses I was hoping you could put in a word to have it fixed.” I held it out to her. “I signed up last spring for another course in medicinal herbology but this says I’m to assist in the infirmary.”

Taking the paper from me, she looked it over. “I assume you’ve already spoken to the registrar?”

“Yes.”

“And the answer was no?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh, she handed the packet back to me. She stood up and began to pile her belongings into her bookbag. “Endra, you could teach the herbology course yourself. Why waste your time there when you could gain real practical experience with magical healing?” She shook her head as I screwed my mouth shut. “I know the circumstances for you right now are daunting and I can’t begin to imagine the strain and pressure you are feeling but you won’t be asked to use herbs or something you can learn in a book at the palace. They want you for your specific gifts.”

I breathed in through my nose as my stomach churned in knots. “I don’t see how pulling me out of my studies to tend broken bones and cut lips is meant to heighten my skills,” I said, stiffly. “I don’t want to simply rely on magic for every ill when a poultice will do the job just fine. I need more time to study---”

“It’s one hour, Endra, everyday at the end of school in the infirmary. I’m sorry you are unable to see the opportunities in that but that is my final word.” Picking up her books she stepped out from behind her desk. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a group of first years that need tutoring. I will see you for our study session tomorrow afternoon.” She headed for the door. I turned as she called over her shoulder. “It will be good for you, Endra. I promise.”

Left in the room all by myself, I looked down at the schedule in my hands. My fingers dug into the edges, my palms squashed it into a ball. Stepping to the side, I dropped the ball into the trash. I then turned on my heel and stalked out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smell of antiseptic twinged my nose as I followed a short and tubby little man through the infirmary.

“Here we are,” Professor Blaine said, showing me to a work table, a cabinet of sterilizing agents in the corner of the room. “Professor Dowling let me know of your particular… talents,” he said looking over his shoulder at me. My jaw clenched and I held his gaze. “It’s been a long time since I met a fairy like you. Anyway, you’ll be tending to the specialist trainees,” he said looking me over. “Nothing too stringent. Just a broken nose here, split lip there, maybe an accidental stabbing.”

“Stabbing?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“They’re not using practice swords anymore. Not since the attacks picked up in the south.” Picking up a clipboard from the table he handed it to me. “I’m under orders to let you do as you will. Just have to keep an eye out, make sure you don’t kill anyone by accident.” I took the clipboard in hand and looked a list of names scrawled from top to bottom.

“You want me to see all of these people?”

“Aye,” he said with a cheeky grin.

“By myself?”

“Aye.”

“All in one hour? Everyday.”

Blaine tucked in his chin and peered up at me with a frown. “No and yes. See, you can’t leave until the last one is seen to.” He crossed his arms. “Special courses are a pain in the arse, aren’t they?”

“I, this isn’t what I was told I’d be doing,” I said sternly.

“It’s never what we’re told it’s going to be.” He frowned and peered up at me face. “Dowling said you could handle this, that your healing skills are top-notch.”

“Dowling spoke about me?”

Professor Blaine’s eyes shifted in confusion. “She’s the one who set this course up for you. Said to observe you at the start but that she had every confidence you could handle the job. Was she lying?”

I blinked. “N-no?”

“Then you should have no problem with seeing to that list.” My eyes widened as he stepped past me making for the opposite side of the room. I turned, mouth opening to question him again. He twisted round and waved me off. “Well, get going,” he said, waving me toward the door.

“I---” I turned to the door, then turned back to call after Blaine. He was gone. “I- ugh,” I said tossing my bag beneath the table next to me. My heel spun beneath me as I headed for the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Avoid the pointy end next time please,” I told my latest patient as I pushed open the door for her, pushing her through with a sigh. My feet ached. My back seemed to crack no matter how I moved. I looked up at the clock. A one-hour assignment had turned into three.

_Damn it._

Looking down I lifted my clipboard and looked at the last name at the bottom. I peeked out into the hall, finding two boys a few years older than I sitting on a bench.

“Are either of you…” I looked down at the board, “Terrance…” I squinted trying to read the god-awful handwriting. “Barrow?” I asked. I looked up to find them hobbling towards me. Terrance, I assumed, was covered in mud, his arm slung over the shoulder of a taller boy who was just as dirty. “Take him to that table there,” I told the uninjured specialist. He nodded quickly and pulled his friend after him. “What happened?”

“We were running simulations,” the tall boy said as he laid his friend out on the table. I moved beside him and looked him up and down. Across the table the other boy looked at me as he caught his breath. “Terrance got dragged into a trap. I think he hit his head and I’m pretty sure his leg is broken.”

I looked down and noticed the odd angle his knee seemed to be pointing. This was going to take a while.

“Great,” I said under my breath.

“What?” the boy said, and I looked over at him, eyes widening.

“Nothing,” I said, silently cursing myself. “I need to focus on his head first, then we’ll deal with the leg,” I turned. “What’s your name?” I asked moving to the top of the table.

“Saul.”

I looked down at the boy unconscious on the table. “Ok, Saul, you can leave.” Gently I placed my hands on either side of Terrance’s head, pressing my fingers over his temples. I glanced up at Saul. He stood silent watching me. Our eyes met.

“I’ll stay,” he said.

Looking down I focused on the body beneath me, red light glowing at the tips of my fingers.

“Then can you make yourself useful?” I asked. I looked up and Saul nodded. “Take those scissors and start cutting off his pants leg for me so I can see what’s wrong. I’ll be done here in a moment.” I looked back down and closed my eyes. In my mind I focused on searching for areas of damage, an outline of Terrace’s face appearing behind my eyes. A second later and the picture morphed as if I was peeling him apart layer by layer. First the skin, then the musculature, then his skeletal system.

My eyes opened and I pulled my hands back. “Okay he’s just unconscious.” _Better to let him stay that way for now._

I looked up to find Saul finishing his work, peeling away the mud-soaked remnants of Terrance’s pant leg. Moving around the bed I moved down to the leg, noting the definite break. Holding my hand over the injury, I focused my magic and studied the damage.

 _I can fix that_.

I looked back at Saul. “I’m going to need help with this,” I told him. He stepped forward and stood next to me.

“Tell me what to do,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie donkey, how am I doing? This part will be getting a bit dark with more smut in chapter 3 mwhahahaha. 
> 
> Chapter two will be out sometime tomorrow hopefully!


	4. Part Two The Past | Chapter 2 of 13

“Aaaand done,” I breathed harshly as my hands dropped away from the newly mended leg. I looked down the table, Saul leaning over the leg, still holding on for dear life. “You can let go now,” I told him. Stepping to the side, I set my hand on the counter trying to still the quakes that were taking over my muscles. I sighed, my knees bent. My entire body felt like a wobbly bowl of jelly.

Fixing bones was always draining, requiring more focus, more power. Add that on top of ten other bouts of healing in just a few hours? I was slightly amazed I was able to keep myself standing. 

“Uuugh,” a groan sounded from the table and I closed my eyes for a moment relating fully to the sentiment.

“Terrance you’re a right proper idiot, do you know that?” Saul said, and I looked up to see him knocking the back of his knuckles against the boy’s head. “A first year would have seen that they were hounding you in.” Breathing in through my nose I let out a long breath through pursed lips as my vision blurred for a moment before returning to its normal clarity. When I could see again, Terrance was sitting up rubbing his temples and Saul was moving towards me.

“You alright?” he asked, frowning. I nodded but that didn’t seem to fool him. “You’re really pale.”

“I’m fine,” I said lifting my chin and peering past him. “Alright there, Terrance?” I asked stepping round Saul. Shaking the sleep from his eyes, Terrance looked over at me as I approached. “You’ll need to take it easy the next few days. Fresh bones can take a bit to fully stabilize.” He blinked up at me as if I’d just spoken in tongues.

“M-my leg---” he looked down and lifted said leg up marveling at the lack of bruises and misshapen bones.

“Your leg is fully healed, but you’ll need to rest,” I told him again. “I’ll have Professor Blaine write up a note for your instructors.” Turning around, I nodded to Saul. “Can you help him back to your dorms?”

With a nod, Saul moved past me and came to Terrance’s side. “Alright you, let’s go,” he said as he clapped a hand on the boy’s shoulder. With a grunt Terrance dropped off the edge of the table, and tested his weight on his leg. He took a step forward, then another, Saul following right alongside him. Crossing my arms, I watched as they disappeared through the infirmary door.

“Hah,” I sighed as I let my body relax for the first time in hours.

“Good work, Miss Darav,” Professor Blaine said, voice booming behind me. I spun around, heart leaping in my chest. He peered over my clipboard, nodding his head. “Four hours tonight. You made it through much faster than I thought you would and I’m pleased you’re still standing. Ms. Dowling might be onto something with you.” He looked at me expectation written across his face as if he expected me to yell at him --- maybe cry. I said nothing, simply stared down at him. After a moment, he cleared his throat, shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Well then, off you go. I’ll see you back here tomorrow afternoon.”

Grinding my teeth, I retrieved my bag and stalked out of the infirmary and slowly made my way to my dorm room, ready to pass out the second my body hit the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Three Weeks Later_ **

I sat in the canteen, a full plate in front of me, notebook open next to me. With a sigh, I picked up my burger with one hand and began to look over my notes. My free hand doodled absentmindedly in the margins as my eyes scanned the page.

“You look like hell,” a voice said above me as I took a humongous bite to the burger in my hands.

“’ello to you-oo, en,” I mumbled mouth full as Ben Harvey slipped into the seat across from mine.

“I haven’t seen you in days,” he said, watching me eat. “Rose says you haven’t been coming back to the dorm till the early hours of the morning.”

Reaching over I grabbed my bottle of juice and tilted the straw, taking a big swig before wiping my mouth on a napkin. “Cramming,” I said.

It wasn’t a lie. My afternoons were disappearing the more I worked in the infirmary, leaving me barely enough time to eat and shower before heading to the library for a bout of studying to prepare for my classes the next day. I’d even spent a night in the infirmary, sleeping on one of the examination beds, too exhausted to haul myself back to the dorms.

“I’m fine,” I told him.

“I know you’re working with the specialists every day. It’s too much. You look like a soft breeze could send you tumbling over. Have you spoken to Professor Dowling?”

“She won’t change my schedule,” I mumbled. “I just have to muscle through it. Like it’s a test.”

“Endra…”

“Ben, I’m fine,” I told him. “I am fine, I will be fine, now will you just let me eat, please?” Holding up his hands he looked down and began to eat his own meal. I set to devouring mine, relishing the taste as I scarfed it down. I leaned over my notebook and began to read once more.

“I’m guessing this would be a bad time to ask for some help with my herbology homework?”

“ _Ben…”_ I groaned as I dropped my head to rest on the table.

  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Slow day, Miss Darav,” Professor Blaine said as I entered the infirmary, shoulders slumped as I pulled off my book bag. I refused to get excited. He had said that before.

“How many?” I asked as I piled my things into a corner at the end of the room.

Blaine turned around in his chair. “None.”

“You’re joking,” I said. There was no way I was that lucky. A twinge of something akin to relief loosened the tightness in my neck.

“It appears the specialists class had a soft day today of lectures on strategy.”

I collapsed in a chair. “Oh, thank you god,” I whispered as I let my head fall back. “Now if only they’d lecture them on how to avoid being stabbed, maimed and disjointed.”

“Agreed,” Blaine said, rising from his chair. “With that, I believe we should both call it an early day and rest up this weekend. They’ll be back at it on Monday.” I raised my head and watched as he gathered his things. As he turned for the door, he glanced at me. “See yourself out?” he asked. I nodded and waved him off as I settled back in my chair, closing my eyes for a moment.

It was difficult to find anywhere within the halls of Alfea where sound was not a constant. Over the days I had spent in the infirmary I had found that, when not overrun with specialists, it was actually a rather calm place to sit and think.

 _Or sleep,_ I considered as my eyes began to drift closed.

“Hello?” a voice called, ripping from the sweet embrace of sleep that I desperately needed. My eyes flashed open and my head swung forward as I leaned in my seat. I peered around the corner of the wall and snuck a peek at the door.

_Fuck._

Sticking his head through the door was Saul, eyes peering round the room before settling on me. I stood up and stepped out from the corner and made my way to him.

“So, the top specialist trainee comes to see me at last,” I said, annoyance creeping up my spine.

But if he heard any spite in my voice, Saul didn’t show it. “That almost sounds like you’ve been hoping I would,” he said, as he walked through the door. A wave of heat bloomed across the back of my neck as I closed the door, keeping my back to him. 

“W-well,” I turned around, to find him watching me. “I just meant you must be at the top of your class, right? You’ve never needed medical attention before,” I said. “You’re usually the one that brings the hurt people to me.” Gathering my hair, I pulled it over my back. “Alright, so where are you hurt?” I asked, noting how he had his left arm pulled up as if he was trying to stop it from bleeding.

“It’s fine, I can patch it up myself,” he said, pulling off his black windbreaker, wincing as his arm pulled through the sleeve. A long-jagged cut extended from his thumb past the back of his wrist. It looked deep but the bleeding seemed to have slowed. “I just need a kit,” he said as he turned and tossed his jacked over the back of his chair. “I’ve had worse.”

I moved towards him holding out my hands. “You’d rather spend the next hour stitching a needle through your own skin when I can have that fixed in a minute?”

Saul’s shoulders slumped as I crossed my arms. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“I wasn’t aware you needed to ask,” I said, crossing my arms.

“No,” Saul’s head slumped forward, “Specialist orders. I _can’t_ have you heal this because it’s not that serious. The worst cases go to you. If it’s not stopping us, we just have to suck it up and work through it.”

“Who the hell told you to do that?”

“Headmistress Rosalind,” he said. “On the very first day of term.”

I stared at him. “So, you mean I’ve been healing your class just so you can go out and get hurt again,” I said.

His mouth opened and closed as he searched for what to say to that. “Well… I mean it makes sense.”

“Oh really?”

“You can only handle so much, right? I mean I saw how you were after you healed Terrance. You looked like you were about to pass out.”

“I can handle fixing a bit more than that, thank you very much.”

Saul held his arm and shook his head. “Look, I just need a kit and a place to sit and I can fix it myself.” He sat down and set his hand on the table. Shaking my head, I stalked over to the supply cabinet and grabbed what was needed.

“Come here,” I told him as I kicked a rolling a stool towards him. Reaching the table I sat down next to him I set the stitch kit off to the side. Saul frowned as I pulled on a set of gloves and picked up the antiseptic spray. I held out my hand. He stared back at me, unmoving. “Give me your hand,” I told him, reaching when he still didn’t move. “We’ll do this the old-fashioned way if you won’t let me heal it myself.” Holding his hand in mine I began to clean it, ignoring the sounds of pain coming from him.

_That’s what you get for not letting me do what I do best._

With the wound cleaned, I reached for the curved needle and thread. As if to distract himself, Saul started talking and watched me begin to work. “So, first year in Alfea and you’re already taking over the infirmary?” he asked, letting out a hiss as I pushed the needle through again.

“Third year,” I corrected.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him shaking his head. “I haven’t seen you before---”

“You remember every girl you’ve ever seen?” I shot back pulling the thread through, knotting it before readying to stitch through again.

Saul chuckled. “Well, I mean… I think I’d remember you.”

I avoided his gaze and forced myself to ignore the way his voice dropped. Sitting up, I reached for a pad of gauze and cleaned away the blood pooling in the wound. “I wasn’t in the standard classes and I keep to myself. My courses are very specific, usually with Professor Dowling. Except for the medicinal courses.”

“Because your magic is different,” he said. My eyes cut up at him for a moment. “I mean, I don’t know anyone else who can do what you do.”

I shrugged. “It’s more so because of my… benefactor. I needed to move through my courses as quickly as inhumanely possible.”

“Benefactor?” he asked, voice rising with curiosity. I stabbed through his skin and he squirmed in his seat. “Never mind,” he murmured. I focused on my being gentler after that. It was almost like meditating, simple work that repeated again and again, no need for hyper focus, no need to think. But apparently the silence wasn’t as pleasant for Saul. “Are you an earth fairy?” he asked and I bit back a sigh.

“Half,” I said after a moment. “My mother was an earth fairy, dad was a mind fairy.” Furrowing my eyebrows, I did my best imitation of the Headmistress. “Mix the two and apparently, if you’re really lucky, you get a fairy with powers no one else has had in two centuries.”

Saul snorted. “That was a horrible imitation of Rosalind,” he said.

I grinned. “Ah, but you knew who it was,” I chided. “Can’t have been that bad.” I turned my head and smirked up at him.

His head nodded up and down repeatedly as his lips fought not to smile. “Pretty bad.”

“You know you probably should tease the girl with the needle she’s about to stick you with, right?”

His face suddenly relaxed, though there was still a hint of a smile. “It was a wonderful imitation, you’re very talented – ah!”

I chuckled as I did the final knot, the gash fully stitched closed. “Alright, lemme just cut this and… there you go. Not good as new but that’s your fault for declining magical healing.”

“Well,” Saul said, leaning forward to peer down at me, “next time I’ll make sure it’s something serious enough to warrant using your skills.”

“Please don’t,” I said shaking my head with a laugh. Lifting his arm, I reached over and grabbed a fresh bandage, placing it against his hand. “I have my hands full daily just with the shenanigans the rest of your friends get up to.”

He cocked his head as I began to tape the bandage down. “Do you like it?”

“Like what?”

“This. Healing and medicine.”

My fingers stopped moving for a second and I shrugged. “I’m good at it.”

“That’s not the same as liking what you do.”

Bandage in place, I set his hand down on his knee and began to take off my gloves. “Well, what about you? Do you enjoy being a specialist?”

“Yes,” he said, eyes following me as I rose from my chair. I began to clean up and he stood up, picked up the trashcan and brought it to me. “I enjoy learning strategy, outsmarting simulations, training --- the teamwork.”

I dropped the closed kit box into the trash and looked up at him. “And apparently you excel at it. I don’t see how we’re all that different.”

Saul looked down at me for a moment, his grey-blue eyes drifting over my face. “I don’t suppose you do,” he said softly. For some reason, when our eyes met, I found myself incapable of looking away. It was as if I were frozen, not in time, but physically frozen and unable to move. Saul spoken slowly, as if he were frozen too. “There’s this thing tonight---"

I shifted my gaze to the side at the awkward change in conversation. Shaking my head, I stepped away and turned my back to him, heading for the corner of the room to retrieve my things. “I don’t really do parties,” I said as I picked up my bag.

“Well good,” he said, “cause it’s not a party.” I threw a look over my shoulder. Saul held up his hands and smiled. “It’s not. It’s just some seniors getting together and celebrating the beginning of our last year.”

Slipping my bag over my shoulder, I turned around and began to cross the room again. “I’m sure you’ll have a grand time.” Grabbing his jacket, Saul fell into step behind me.

“You should come,” he said as I walked through the door, holding it open behind me. I turned and pulled it closed as he stepped out into the hallway.

“I don’t know,” I said as I turned down the corridor. Saul walked beside me and I looked up at him. “The specialist dorms are that way,” I reminded him, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder.

“I know,” he said, looking over at me. “You haven’t given a definite answer yet.”

“I’m not going,” I told him, raising my eyebrows in surprise. “How’s that for definite?”

Saul shrugged and kept pace with me. “Then I guess we’ll keep walking this direction then.”

“I—god ---” I stopped, and Saul continued down the hall before turning to face me, an amused smile pulling at his lips and bunching up his cheeks. I glowered hoping he’d take the hint, but his smile didn’t abate, didn’t even falter. With a sigh, I threw my head back and stared at the ceiling. “If I come to your party-”

“-Not party-”

“- will you stop following me?” I asked, lowering my gaze to look back at him.

Saul’s head bowed and he smirked before walking towards me. “I’ll see you at six,” he said walking past me. “Boys dorm.” Rolling my eyes, I turned back down the corridor and started on my way, when he called behind me. “If you flake, I will come looking!”

Cursing under my breath I raised my hand in the air over my head and extended my middle finger.

_Fucking hell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kinda imagine that young!Saul is much softer, brighter personality wise, especially before he joined the fight against the burned ones and before he killed Andreas. Seeing him pursue Endra was kind of fun to think about too, knowing what I know about where this series is heading two chapters from this one. Hope you’re enjoying this.  
> Next chapter we’ll hear the story behind the start of what Ben called the, “Specialists’ annual debauched kegger.”
> 
> Comments are wonderful and really appreciated! I’d love to just talk with someone about all things Silva so hit me up! <3


	5. Part Two The Past | Chapter 3 of 13

On the one hand, I loved my roommate, Rose Irving, to death. She was kind. A great listener. Kept her side of the room clean.

On the other, her extroverted tendencies and beauty regimens were pure torture. With a sigh I stepped into our dorm room and nearly choked on the noxious scent of too much hairspray and perfume.

“God Rose, are you fumigating again?” I called, waving a hand in front of my face as I made my way across the room to my bunk.

“It’s necessary,” a sweet and feminine voice called from the bathroom.

Rolling my eyes, I tossed my bag under the bed and sat down. I bent over and began to undo the laces of my shoes. Stepping out of the bath, Rose sauntered into the main room. Her hair was twice as flouncy as normal, her make-up a flirty red that I was tempted to tell her looked like warpaint. She wore a white crop top and a short skirt with knee high boots. With a grin, she spun around and kicked her leg up behind her.

“How do I look?” she asked.

“Like you’re going off to war,” I grumbled, throwing my shoes under my bunk.

Rose stuck out her bottom lip in a pout then shrugged. “Well, it is a specialist party, so same thing I suppose.” Bending down over her desk, she touched up her makeup.

I reached down and slipped a hand in my bag, grabbing my notebook. “Oh, you’re going to that?” I asked. Shaking my head, I sneered as I opened up my book and began doodling, ignoring the way the tip of my pen dug into the paper a bit too hard. “Saul said it wasn’t a party. Liar.”

Turning around, Rose frowned. “Saul?”

I waved a hand in the air dismissively. “Tall, dark hair, likes to follow people around till they agree to things they don’t want to do.”

Rose’s eyes doubled and she dashed across the room and grabbed my hand. “Endra, did he do something to you?”

I stared at her for a moment. Then I understood.

“What? No,” I shook my head and pulled my hand from hers. “He _invited_ me,” I scoffed, before collapsing back on the bed. “Though inviting is a kinder word than what I would call it. It was more like an annoying insistence.”

 _“Saul Silva_ , asked you to come to his party.”

“Yes.”

“Cute, hunky Saul Silva asked _you_ to come to his party.”

Sitting up, I raised my eyebrows at her. “He said it wasn’t a party.” Quick as a fox, she slapped my thigh. “Ow!” I cried out, overreacting as she stood.

“Get up,” she ordered, standing over me.

“Why?” I asked, nose scrunching.

“You’re going to that party.”

A terrified scream echoed through the dorm as Rose gripped my ankle and dragged me off the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My feet dragged as we neared the specialist’s dorms. “I don’t want to go,” I whined, pulling on Rose’s arm.

“Well, then why’re you coming?” she asked, thrusting her hip to the side and knocking into me playfully. 

I cut my eyes at her. “Because someone threatened to soak my things in rash vine,” I hissed.

Rose turned to me and grinned. “And don’t think I won’t do it.” Patting my hand, she pulled me along. “It’ll be good of you. God knows I’ve been trying to get you to do something other than read, sleep, eat and read some more for the past three years.” Raising an eyebrow, she gazed at me cheekily. “Maybe you can _do_ Silva.”

I slapped her arm. “Shut up right now.”

She twisted her hips and waved her hands. “It sounds like a dance,” she giggled. “The _Silva_.”

I glared at the building ahead of us the sound of loud music already reaching my ears.

_Not a party, huh? Liar._

“Let’s just go and get this over with so I can go back to the suite.” Shoving my hands in my pockets I stalked along without waiting for Rose. “Be seen, say hi, and then you can go,” I muttered over and over. Reaching the door, I gripped the handle, and pulled it open. A wave of music and scent of weed flooded the doorway. Holding my breath, I pulled the door open for Rose, and she sauntered through into the dorm as if she had not a care in the world, as if this was what she did every Friday night. Taking one last breath of fresh air, I followed after her.

“Holy shit,” I breathed.

The commons area of the dorm wasn’t in chaos. It _was_ chaos.

Toilet paper hung from the railings of the upper floors and as I looked up, I saw the second and third floor were just as infested with people as the first. Whoops and hollers were constant and a thick haze hung over the entire room. I looked at Rose.

If there was ever an environment Rose would look at home in, this was it. As she stepped down into commons, she was immediately set upon by people who either wanted to talk to her, hug her, or give her a drink. Crossing my arms, I hung back, pushing myself against one of the four pillars that made up the corners of the commons.

 _I should go back to the dorms_ , I closed my eyes, trying to block out the obnoxious waves of sound that were rattling my brain. _Should definitely go. Yep. I came, I saw --- time to fucking leave._ When I opened my eyes, I gave the room one last scan, ignoring the silly knot of disappointment that writhed beneath my diaphragm.

Then I saw him. Saul raced down the main stairs, eyes darting around the room. He pointed at a pair of first years right before they set fire to row of shots. They didn’t stop. Brow furrowing, I stepped out of the shadow of the column and peered at Saul.

He was breathless, eyes wide looking around like the entire world had gone nuts. Then he saw me. He raised a hand and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to wave at me as I ducked my head with a shout. A football soared across the room followed by a series of sparks as it was set aflame by a fire fairy. I rose slowly, glaring out across the main floor, trying to find the fairy responsible. But then Saul was there, standing in front of me. Sweat prickled his brow. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out.

“You said this wasn’t a party!” I yelled over the sound of the bass thrumming from the second floor.

Saul shook his head and held his hands up. “It wasn’t supposed to be!” he shouted back. A series of whoops rang out and we both looked up as blue electrical sparks began to rain from the third floor.

I looked back at Saul, his face pale. “Have you tried telling them that?” I shouted. He looked over at me and swallowed and I wasn’t sure if it was fear in his eyes or just some strange, broken form of anger that was dying to loose itself upon the idiots surrounding us. His eyes opened and closed and after a moment of saying nothing, he stepped towards me.

“Come with me,” he yelled. I frowned, but as he stepped towards the front door, I remembered my earlier goal of leaving and never looking back. Looking behind me, I tried to spy Rose, but she was nowhere in sight. I turned back around, to find Saul hanging around by the door. With a deep breath, I followed after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door closed behind us, the sound of music growing fainter, though the beat still seemed to thrum through the air. Breathing in through my nose I took a long, deep breath of air.

“Your definition of “not-a-party” and my definition are very different,” I said, looking over my shoulder as I walked away from the building. Saul walked with me, shaking his head.

“It wasn’t supposed to be… whatever that is,” he insisted. He ducked forward. I glanced at him and found his eyes pleading for me to believe him. “I invited a few blokes and some senior fairies and the next thing I knew the dorm was overrun. I don’t even know where they got the beer from.” My eyes narrowed as I tried not to grin. I shook my head. Saul’s feet stuttered to a stop. “What?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure whoever _you_ invited, invited the entire school for in your name,” I chuckled as I turned and faced him. “My roommate called it, “Saul Silva’s Party”,” I said waving my hands out in front of myself for effect. I giggled as I looked over up at him. “She said the whole campus was talking about it.”

“Don’t laugh,” he said, not too seriously if the small smile on his lips was anything to go by. He pointed back to the building behind us and I glanced over my shoulder and found lights flashing on and off in the windows. “If anything happens, I’m the one they’ll blame it on.”

I stopped and held up my hand. Saul stopped a few steps ahead of me and twisted around to peer at me. “I’ll be your witness then. This party was _totally_ meant to be a not party and you had nothing to do with its evolution into a full on kegger.”

A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “My witness, huh? Really?”

“Fairy’s honor,” I said with a mock salute.

“Careful,” Saul warned, starting to walk backwards, “some people would say fairies have no honor.”

I dropped my mouth open in fake offense. Then I had an idea. I twisted my hands and focused. “My secondary element is air,” I told him, stalking towards him as a shock of lightning raced over my fingertips. 

Saul’s mouth dropped and his eyes widened. “You wouldn’t.”

I smirked. “What was that about fairies having no honor?”

He held a hand out to me as I raised mine. “You have all the honor. So honorable --- please don’t zap me.”

I sighed and dropped my hands, magic dissipating into a shower of blue sparks. “Well, I guess you’re already having a bad enough night, a lightning bolt to the ass would be unwarranted.” I tried to hid my grin.

Saul didn’t. “Very,” he agreed smiling wide. I glanced away hoping the heat blooming across my cheeks would go unnoticed in the moonlight. Flicking his finger across his nose, Saul turned down the drive. “Can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, voice growing softer.

“I think I can find it on my own,” I said, noting the way his shoulders seemed to slump --- just a tad. I bit my bottom lip as he took a step back. “But I wouldn’t mind walking down to the ponds,” I said quickly, wincing at how fast the words tumbled from my lips.

Saul turned back, his boots grinding in the gravel walkway. “Alright then,” he said.

I began to walk off without him then, not even sure he was following until I heard his footsteps behind me. I looked back, slowing down until he caught up with me. We walked in silence. Me with my arms crossed over my chest, and Saul with his hands shoved in his pockets. A good few feet separated us as we made our way down to the training grounds. Though we walked together, Saul seemed to follow my lead as I went down a quick little shortcut on the upper lawn, bypassing the main steps. Cool, fresh air teased my skin as we made our way down the hill.

The ponds were still, the moon reflecting off the water. The sound of the music from the dorms had faded so much that I had to strain my ears to hear it. Slowly, we came to a stop standing at the end of one pool. No one else seemed to be around. It was just the two of us.

“I don’t come down here at night very often,” Saul breathed as we looked out over the first pond. “It’s strangely peaceful.”

“That’s probably from the lack of screams and simulations trying to kill you,” I muttered.

Saul chuckled. “Probably.”

“But it must be nice training with your friends every day.”

Saul move next to me, grass crinkling beneath his boots. “You mentioned that your courses are different,” he said, curiosity in his voice.

I let out a sigh. “I’ve had a few courses with actual classes,” I said looking down. “But last semester they started taking me out of them. And this year, the only time I have scheduled where I get to interact with people who aren’t professors---”

“Is when you’re healing specialists,” Saul finished for me.

I bit the inside of my cheek and let out a, “Mhmm.” Rubbing my arms, I looked up through the trees, the moon and stars shining through the branches. “I was actually hoping they’d let me keep a herbology course. I didn’t need the credit but… my friends were taking it this semester.” I looked down, thinking of Rose and Ben. “Do you really like being a specialist?” I asked as I looked up at Saul. I wasn’t entirely sure where the question came from but once it was released, I waited for his answer with an intense curiosity.

Saul raised an eyebrow. He thought for a moment. “Yes, I do.” He glanced at me, looked me over and then turned forward once more. “But you don’t like healing though, do you?”

I blinked. “I…” Swallowing, I stared up at him and the words began to fall from my mouth as if he’d just blown a hole in the dam of words I had locked away. “I like the end result. I love learning about the body, what it can do, how it works. Helping people feel better, taking away their --- I like knowing I helped them.” I paused for a moment and pulled myself away from his gaze. “But everyone has an ache. Everyone has something they want fixed immediately and sometimes I just feel like I’m a bandage, good for fixing things in the moment but discarded with the rest of the rubbish once the problem is fixed.”

Saul stared at me. “I…”

“Sorry,” I said, laughing awkwardly. “That was really deep,” I turned away, slapping a hand to my forehead as my back faced him. “I don’t even know where that came from and---"

A hand wrapped round my wrist and I found myself spun about. Saul’s face came into view right in front of mine as he pulled me back to him, my rambling coming to an abrupt end. I stared up at him, not sure what to say. I felt his hand gently on my wrist and I held my breath. I glanced at his lips. Then his eyes and marveled at the way they soaked up the moonlight and reflected it back, almost as if he had fairy eyes. His eyes closed and I couldn’t stop myself from closing mine as well.

“I have something really embarrassing to ask you,” he said. My eyes flashed open. My stomach twisted and I looked down. Was there something on my face? Did my breath smell? Saul’s hands settled on my shoulders and I looked up as he shook his head. “It’s not a bad thing!” he said quickly, as if he knew I was questioning myself. “I mean, it does make me look like a total idiot but it’s not _your_ fault.”

“Okay?” I said slowly, raising my eyebrows in an awkward shrug. Reaching up, he rubbed the back of his neck and winced, mouth opening and closing. Finally, he voiced his question. It came out as a quick, almost mumble.

“What is your name?”

My eyes flickered open and closed as I blinked up at him. Then the laughing started. First a giggle before a full belly laugh had me doubling over. Saul’s face turned a wonderful shade of red.

“It’s not funny,” he said, a slight pout on his lips.

I fought to keep in my laugh and straightened up. “Oh, yes, it is,” I chuckled. “All this time, and you don’t know my name?” I asked. “Why didn’t you ask before?”

“There wasn’t time when you were working on Terrance and then,” he sighed, “after that I couldn’t find a moment to ask you. Then today it just felt weird to ask as you were fixing my hand.”

“You asked me a ton of other stuff.”

“I know, which just made everything worse.” Saul shook his head and tilted his head back, looking up at the starry sky. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d introduce yourself to everyone tonight and then I’d know your name and not be a total twit.”

I cocked my head and smiled up at him. “You’re not a total twit,” I said. He looked at me and I turned away. “Honestly, it’s kind of cute.”

A moment of silence followed. The leaves on the trees rustled in the breeze and neither of us said a word.

“You still haven’t told me your name,” he said.

Taking a deep breath, I looked up at him as the moon moved behind a smattering of clouds. The lack of light made it hard to see but I could swear I could feel his eyes meeting mine.

“Endra,” I murmured.

“Endra,” he breathed it out slowly as if he was tasting each syllable.

I rolled my eyes. “If you forget it, I will not tell you again,” I warned. I turned my back to the pond and looked up the hill. A set of headlights sped down the drive, horn honking as it approached the dorm. Saul turned around at the sound. I sighed. “Looks like your party is over.”

“Not my party,” he mumbled before we both let out a snort. Looking down, Saul twisted his torso and smiled at me. His hands escaped from his pockets and I uncrossed my arms. “Can we… see each other again?” he asked, the back of his hand grazing mine.

I looked up at him, a giddy feeling welling up in my chest. I didn’t think about my response. Like most things that ever left my mouth when he was near, I just let the words fly.

“So long as it’s not a date in the infirmary,” I said nearly choking as I realized I had actually said the word ‘date’ aloud.

Saul didn’t miss a beat. “Well, I can’t promise we’ll _never_ meet in the infirmary, specialist courses being what they are,” he said, raising his bandaged hand and giving it a wave. “But our first date doesn’t have to be there.”

Pulling my arms up, I wrapped my arms over my chest and nodded. “Sounds like a plan,” I said, stepping forward. I twisted around and walked backward a few steps, smiling cheekily as Saul watched me go. “Now you had better get back and deal with the mess of your ‘not-a-party.’” I spun around and sauntered across the field, laughing as Saul let out a curse behind me.

I started up the little foot worn path to the fairy dorms, sure that the grin contorting my lips would never leave my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I totally forgot to have Endra introduce herself to Saul two chapters ago when they first met. Once I discovered that, instead of simply editing it in, I decided it needed to be part of the story. So, yay for author failures! 
> 
> For those of you who didn’t get it: Rose is totally Terra’s mom. 
> 
> How many of you got that without me saying it? XD That said, part two is taking longer than I expected, as I keep having ideas mid chapter and then I end up writing them into the story. Anyways, in the next chapter we’ll be graduating from Alfea. With their graduation, Endra and Saul will face their first (of many) big hurdles as a couple and it might not go as they wish it would. 
> 
> As always comments and kudos are deeply appreciated. Seriously getting to interact with people and fangirl makes me write faster!


	6. Part Two The Past | Chapter 4 of 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endra and Saul have been dating for the past year. Now a week out from graduation, Saul is competing in Alfea's War Games and Endra has received news from the Solarian Palace.

One Year Later

The end was approaching. The end of school. The end of everything.

Staring out the window, I looked out at the great green forest, recently revived with the coming of spring. The sun was just dawning, cresting over the tops of the trees. Like the forest had changed with each season, I felt different. Brittle. Like the handle on a mug that if hit with just the right amount of pressure from just the right direction, I would come loose, disjointed from what I was trying so very hard to hold onto. Looking down, I glanced at the unopened letter in my lap. Familiar swirls of fancy script formed my name on the front of the envelope. A thick, chilled line of dread ran down my spine at the sight.

Turning it over I studied the blue wax seal on the back, the symbol of the sun throne pressed into it. I bit my inner cheek.

 _Get it over with_.

Breath held, I picked at the seam and pulled it open. More fanciful script came into view as I pulled the letter out. The thick paper felt as if it weighed several pounds in my hands.

_Dearest Endra,_

_Congratulations on the completion of your studies. Your achievements and successes are a wonderful reflection of your dedication to the throne of Solaria. We are pleased to inform you that arrangements are underway for your transition from Alfea to the royal palace as their Majesties eagerly await your arrival._

_Following the end of the term, and your graduation ceremony next Friday, a member of the royal household will arrive to retrieve you and your things as you vacate the dormitories. Please ensure that you are packed and ready to depart no later than 4 that afternoon._

_Hoping you are well,_

_P.D. Sitwell_

_Chief Scribe to Her Majesty, Queen Luna of Solaria_

I dropped the letter back to my lap, finger tips quaking. My breath squeezed in my chest, my ribcage seeming to press all of my internal organs into one, huge, throbbing mess of a knot.

_Bee-Beep! Bee-Beep! Bee-Beep!_

Turning my head at the sound of Rose’s alarm, I quickly stuffed the letter back into its envelope and shoved it into the pocket of my hoodie. A groan came from Rose’s bed as her hand darted out from beneath the covers and smacked her alarm clock. I lowered my legs off the couch and set my feet on the floor and quietly stood.

“When did you get up?”

“Couple hours ago,” I told her as she sat up. Her hair pointed every which way, her eyes were splotchy and somehow her left arm had slipped out her shirt collar. “Rough night?” I asked, as I sat down at the foot of her bed.

She looked me over. “Nothing a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka won’t fix.”

“It’s seven, Rose. In the morning.”

“Coffee it is then.” Slipping out of the bed she made her way to the bathroom. From my spot on the floor, I could still see her through the door. “Are you ready?” she asked.

I looked down at my clothes, jeans and a black hoodie and boots. “Yes?” I called back, asking and hoping she wasn’t trying to insinuate that I needed to change.

She stepped into the doorway. “No,” she shook her head, “I meant are you ready to watch your boyfriend kick ass today?”

“Oh.” I frowned. “I don’t think I’ll get to see him much probably. The view from the medic’s tent is lousy.”

Rose shook her head. “You should at least try to see if Blaine will let you loose for a bit so you can see Saul’s match. Every guy wants to fight with their girlfriend cheering them on from the sideline.”

“Then he better get used to disappointment,” I told her as she began to brush her teeth. “I don’t want to watch that, seeing someone punch him --- or watching him beat the daylights out of someone else doesn’t sound fun to me.”

Rose said something, mouth full of her toothbrush and all I caught were syllables of nonsense. Holding gup her hand she bent over the sink and rinsed. She came back to the door. “You’ve watched him spar before---”

“Against students,” I said, “not veteran specialists with orders to stress test new graduates.” I shook my head and stood up. “Today isn’t going to be fun Rose. Today is going to suck. People are going to get hurt.”

 _And I’m going to have to fix them,_ I added in my head.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I grabbed my bag, pulled it over one shoulder and headed for the door. “Where are you going?” Rose asked sticking her head round the corner of the bathroom entrance.

I twisted the knob and pulled the door open. “I’m meeting Saul before the games start,” I told her. Stepping through the door, I rolled my eyes as she called after me.

“Ooooh,” she cooed, “make sure you give him a big kiss for luck!”

I yanked on the knob. The door slammed shut behind me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was something about the specialist uniform that was slightly provocative. It wasn’t the sword or even the uniform itself really. It was how it seemed to change the person wearing it.

As I walked down the path to the lower training field, I spied Saul looking out over the ponds, his back turned to me, arms crossed over his chest. He seemed taller, stronger. I smirked as I glanced at his butt briefly before continuing towards him. As I came around the final twist in the path, I was able to catch a glimpse of his face. His normal soft smile was gone. His strong jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard. He was focused and I found that it was an incredibly good look on him.

“You’re early,” I said as I came up behind him. Saul turned, noticing me finally. His gaze softened and his arms relaxed to fall at his sides. Stepping over, I slipped my hands through his arms and hugged his waist loosely. He gave a half smile as his hands did the same to me.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said, glancing over me to peer down at the field. “Too many thoughts.”

“You’ve been talking about these games all year.”

“I know but it’s different now that it’s actually happening.” He bowed his head. “I just want to do well--”

“You will.”

His eyes rose to meet mine. “What if I don’t?”

“You will,” I said again and he sighed. Reaching up I ran my fingers across the leather harness wrapped round his chest. “Think of it this way. If you do well, you get to see me to celebrate. If you don’t do well, you’ll still get to see me -- just in the medic’s tent. So really either way you get to see me and that’s gotta be a fair consolation prize, if you ask me.”

Saul’s eyes squeezed shut as he laughed, and before I knew it, he had leant down pressing his lips to mine. When he pulled back, I blinked up at him. “I’d still like to win,” he said.

“Then you’ll just have to kick ass today,” I said, twisting around to face the field. Groups of people were slowly making their way out onto the platforms and sparring rings. Saul’s arms snaked around my middle and I leaned against his chest, feeling the last vibrations of a laugh. “Did you find out who your evaluator is?” I asked. Saul’s arm pointed to a group of specialists gathered near the opposite end of the pond.

“Andreas of Eraklyon. Yellow hair, and a beard on the left end,” he said. I squinted my eyes and looked. Then I wished I hadn’t as a knot formed in my stomach.

Even from our perch, where everyone else looked like ants, the man seemed huge.

“You can take him,” I said, trying to hide how nervous I was for him. Saul’s hug tightened.

“Thanks for saying so,” he said in my ear. “To get onto a team with him would be…” I craned my head back and caught Saul’s eyes hardening with that clear sense of focus again.

“Do you… want me to watch?” I asked. Saul looked down at me, the corners of his mouth pulling into a slight frown. I nearly winced _. Great, now he’s going to think I’m not supportive. Damn it._ “I mean, would it bother you if I wasn’t there to see you kick his ass?”

“Honestly?” he asked, waiting to speak until I nodded my head, urging him to continue. “Not really?”

“Oh, thank god,” I breathed. Saul cocked his head in surprise and arched an eyebrow. I shook my head quickly and twisted to face him. I began to ramble. “I just mean I really would rather _hear_ about it from you rather than see it --- I’ve seen you hurt enough this year after the fact, and I don’t want to ---”

“Endra.” I closed my mouth. Leaving my waist, his hand grabbed mine. “You look more worried than I am,” Saul murmured, as he gave my hand a squeeze.

“I want you to do well,” I said, staring a hole into the center of his chest. “Because I know that’s what you deserve but---”

“You don’t want to see me get hurt,” Saul finished for me.

I bit my lip. I could handle seeing him sprawled, injured on a cot. I had seen it numerous times over the past year. But it was always after the fact and I didn’t think I could handle sitting by and watching as it happened.

“I really don’t,” I said, looking up at him as his free hand rose up to cup my cheek. “I hate seeing you hurt,” I whispered. He smiled softly. Then his eyes narrowed like they always did right before he would try to tease me.

“It’s because you love me. Isn’t it?”

Immediately, I squinted back at him and shrugged my shoulders. “Eh…” I mumbled. “Who knows why people feel the way they feel?” I asked as I turned to look back down at the field below us. I gripped Saul’s hand in one last, tight squeeze before releasing him. “You should go get ready,” I told him. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to my temple. I closed my eyes at the feel of his skin on mine. When he pulled away, he set down the hill with a determined gait.

“Saul?” I called his name. He turned around, still walking only backwards now. “I love you,” I said. A wide tooth filled grin broke across his face before he spun around and jogged to the training field.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With the medical tent set and ready to receive our first patients, I stood silently front of the tent watching as the crowds of students and spectators moved into position near the first platform. I spied Professor Dowling and the Headmistress making their way up the steps, flanked by specialist evaluators. Someone moved to stand next to me. I looked down to find myself standing beside Professor Blaine. He glanced up at me out of the corner of his eye.

“Everything in order?” he asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

I nodded. “Stations are ready, supplies are stocked and laid out.”

Blaine’s head bobbed up and down in a nod. “I have to say, Miss Darav, it’s going to be odd here without you next term, though I know the palace will use your skills well.” My teeth jammed together as he turned and looked out over the field ahead of us. “You must be very honored. Personal healer to the Queen.” He looked back at me a kind smile on his face. “Your family must be very proud.”

I stared down at him. I breathed in through my nose and tried to form the answer he wanted to hear, not the one I wanted to say. “I’m sure they must be,” I said tightly.

Blaine’s brow furrowed and his mouth opened as if he was about to question me. However, either by luck or just simple coincidence Headmistress Rosalind’s voice echoed out across the field. I turned away from Blaine and listened as he voice permeated the air and everything seemed to cease making any sound. As if she had somehow lowered the volume of the entire field so that only her voice was audible.

“Welcome, to the annual Alfea war games,” she said coolly. No one made a sound. Looking out at us, she scanned the crowd. “As with every showcase, the top ten percent from this year’s specialist and fairy classes will face off with an assigned evaluator to demonstrate their array of talents before joining the battalions and forces which support and defend the Otherworld.” She looked to her left and held out a hand to the line of evaluators. “Specialist and Fairy elites have long been a mainstay of this school. We will continue this tradition as the first line of defense and the last. Today should our top students perform well, they will be scouted for various specialty teams around the continents. Our younger students should look to their upperclassmen.” My mouth went dry as she paused for a moment, thoughts racing through my brain. “In the next few years, you may find yourself participating in these exercises…”

Somehow, I had forced my mind to forget the looming threat of graduation, and what the outcome of these games would have on… everything. But as I stood under the edge of the medic’s tent, it felt as if the entire roof of a five-story building had collapsed upon my shoulders. It took everything in me to keep standing as pieces fell around me. Slowly those pieces clicked together, but I didn’t want to think about them. I didn’t want to think about any of it--- not Saul, not the letter crumpled in my pocket. None of it.

“I wish you luck,” Rosalind’s voice carried over the field as I turned my back a round of applause following behind me--- a wave of ignorant noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So please let me know if this is clear or not and I will go back and edit a bit: Saul is competing as a top student for a chance to be put onto a special assignment. (I'm trying to set up how he gets onto the team with Farah, Andreas, and Ben). 
> 
> This was originally gonna be much longer with Endra being picked up form the school, but it felt too long so I've split the parts up. 
> 
> Hope you're still liking it. Thanks to everyone who has reached out, your comments are a huge motivation to continue writing and I love hearing from you. Don't be shy. I swear I don't bite...
> 
> Often.


	7. Part Two The Past | Chapter 5 of 13

“Alright,” I said as I waved my flashlight across dazed blue grey eyes, “it looks like you have a concussion.” I dropped my hand and stepped back from the table. “Despite that, it sounds like you faired really well, Ben.”

Blinking slowly, Ben shook his head. “I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did. I didn’t even think about her keeping telekinetic powers up her sleeve.” His shoulders drooped in disappointment.

I clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Making it through an entire bout with an evaluator with only a bump on the head is something to be proud of. You made it longer than they did,” I said pointing my thumb over my shoulder at the fairies and specialists having their wounds tended to behind me. Ben’s cheek twitched.

“I’m surprised you’re not out there. You’re what at the very top of the class this year, right?”

I crinkled my nose. “In grades? Yes. In combat I’m nearer the bottom.” Bending down I gave him half a hug. “Get some rest and take some painkillers if you need them.”

“Thanks, Endra,” he sighed, before sliding off the table.

“Oh,” I said as he moved past me, “did you see Saul at all?”

Ben thought for a moment. “He was supposed to start his bout after mine. Might be finishing up now?” Turning back around he hobbled out of the tent, and I caught wind of Rose’s voice calling out to him full of concern. Biting back a smile I moved down the line of injured students and got back to work.

“Ok, what do we need to fix with you?” I asked gently as I crouched down next to a fairy girl, arms cradling her lower torso. I moved one of her arms and saw scorch marks arching across the exposed skin. I winced at the sight. Lightning shot to the side. That had to hurt.

Lifting a hand to her temple, I focused my magic letting it glide beneath her skin. Slowly her eyes slid shut as she was put to sleep. I dropped my hand. I could numb the nerves for her, but it was much faster to let her sleep through the healing process. I set a hand against her side and curled my fingers, guiding red tendrils of light across her skin before pushing past the epidermis and digging deep into the lower muscles and tissues.

The tent around me bustled with activity as I worked as quickly as I could. I glanced up at the girl’s sleeping face and ground my teeth as my energy stores were drained. I didn’t have to heal her completely, just enough that she wouldn’t be in so much pain, just enough so that her body could take over the healing process on its own. I looked down and closed my eyes, letting my magic show me what damage remained.

_That’s enough._

Loosing a deep sigh, I pulled my hands back and slumped as a wave of dizziness washed over me, flooding my ears with a low annoying hum. I shook my head.

“Alright, where do I put him?”

I turned my head slowly. At the entrance of the tent stood Terrance with Saul leaning against him. His face was bloodied and bruised and his legs looked as if they had been turned to jelly as he relied on Terrance to support him. Pushing myself up, I moved through the crowd of first year assistant medics and sprawled out patients.

“Here,” I said as I met them. Saul’s head turned loosely on his neck as he turned to me a smile quirking his lips. I took his arm and pulled it over my shoulder, his weight transferring from Terrance to me. “You look awful,” I told him as I spied a free table near the door.

“Stalemate,” he breathed in my ear raggedly. I helped him onto the platform. “You should see Andreas,” he chuckled before groaning in pain, clutching his side. I frowned as I straightened up and moved to stand in front of him. Saul winced under my gaze. “Bruised ribs, that’s all,” he said letting his head fall back into a groan as I pressed my hand to his stomach.

“How serious is that one, Miss Darav?” Professor Blaine’s voice called behind me.

I looked down the row of stations and found him stitching a gash on some poor boy’s brow. I moved back to Saul held my hand over his torso and closed my eyes. I used my magic to quickly scan for any injuries more serious than what he was describing. Looking up, I nodded.

“Cracked ribs,” I told Blaine. I glanced back at Saul, to find him grinning up at me. I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips to hide the smile that threatened to mirror his. “He’ll be fine.”

“No one here is serious enough to need your particular assistance, and quite frankly looking at the pallor of your complexion, I’m not certain you have any energy left to give it.” Waving to his next patient, a boy with an oddly angled arm, Blaine looked over at me. “Help him to his dorm, then get some rest yourself before you pass out.” Turning on his heel, Blaine followed after the boy and I turned back to Saul.

“Let’s go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk to the specialist’s dormitories took us much longer than usual. On the one hand, Saul’s legs seemed to remember how to walk when we were halfway there, but I found myself breathless and dizzy.

“Are you alright?” he asked concerned as we stopped walking for the fourth time.

I held up my hand as I bent over and placed my hands on my knees. My throat felt as if I had sat in the sun for days without a drink. My vision was plagued with black and green spots that clouded my eyes.

“Overdid it,” I choked out. I shook my head before I slowly straightened up, still panting but the spots had disappeared from my vision. Saul leaned against me as I rose up once more, but he seemed to hold himself up a bit more than he had before, as if he was trying not to overburden me anymore than he absolutely had to. We started up the garden steps again and I glanced at him catching the clench of his jaw. “I’m sorry,” I breathed.

Saul looked down at me as we reached the top of the hill and we took another breather. “If anyone should be sorry, it’s me--- you’re basically carrying me.”

I returned his smile. “You’re right,” I poked his chest, “it’s like hauling a fucking horse on my back.”

“I’ll carry you next time,” he breathed as we started the last leg of our journey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dorms were empty, or at least they felt that way. No music blared down the halls and we passed only two people on our way to Saul’s room.

“Finally,” we both breathed as we reached the door. Fumbling with the lock I sent a spark through the lock, and pushed the door open. Saul’s arm slipped off my shoulder as he stepped through the doorway on his own, using the wall and anything in reach as a support. With a sigh I followed after him, closing the door behind me.

The room was split between chaos and order.

On one side lay Terrance’s things, all askew clothes laying everywhere. The other side was Saul’s. It was as if someone had drawn a line down the center of the room. His things were neat, orderly. Bed made.

Limping over, Saul sat down slowly, his left arm wrapped across his stomach clutching his side. Reaching up I unzipped my jacket and slipped it off, before laying it across the back of the chair at his desk. I leaned down and grabbed his water bottle, unscrewing the lid and drinking as much as I could stand. The water slid down my throat easing the horrible fire that had been burning my insides. With a sigh, I lowered the bottle and went to the sink to refill it. I approached the bed as Saul lifted the hem of his shirt and looked down at his ribs. I held the bottle out to him.

“Drink this,” I told him as I sat next to him, gently doing my best not to shake the bed. Saul dropped the bottom of his shirt and took the bottle from me. Keeping my feet on the floor I laid down, closed my eyes and listened as Saul drained the water bottle. I listened as he finished, releasing a sigh. The bed creaked and moved, dipping down next to me. “Can you take off your shirt?” I mumbled, turning my head so I could look up at him. Saul looked at me confused. I sat up and slid down to the floor, getting on my knees in front of him.

Saul, trying to push me away, shook his head. “Endra you’re going to pass out---”

“I’m fine,” I insisted as I pulled up the bottom of his shirt. Gently and slowly, I guided his arms out of the sleeved and pulled the collar over his head. Bunching up the blood-stained garment, I tossed his shirt to the side and looked him over. Saul’s eyes trailed after mine as I took him in. Any other time, I would have paused to appreciate the toned muscles, the trail of hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his trousers. The smooth skin of his chest. But now, bruises and welts were already forming on his skin, fluid swelling beneath them. I ran my hand across his stomach, a trail of red light left behind. The bruises turned darker before slowly lightening to a dull yellow. The welts brightened before abating, the swelling dying down. I took a deep breath as I moved to his side and pressed my hand fully against the skin.

Saul hissed through his teeth. “Your fingers are like ice,” he said, trying to move away from me as I set to numbing his side.

“Stay still unless you want your ribs to be braided together,” I said, frowning as he twitched one last time before standing still.

“You know you’re hot when you threaten me?” he asked a moment later.

I rolled my eyes. “You know you say the stupidest things after you get punched in the face?” I shot back.

“That’s probably the brain damage,” he said. Biting my lip, I set my magic to work, closing my eyes to still the way the room swam around me.

 _At least they’re not fully broken_.

Slowly, his ribs stitched back together, growing stronger. Beneath my hand I felt Saul begin to breath deeper, more evenly.

Then my body turned to lead. My hand fell away. My head dropped forward, brow resting against the top of his thigh. A hand cupped the crown of my head, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t open my eyes.

“Endra?” Saul’s voice sounded so very far away as if I was slowly sinking into the earth. Then it disappeared and I knew nothing more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was warm. Too warm. Eyes scrunching, I opened my eyes to a ceiling I did not recognize. Slowly I remembered I was in Saul’s room. Craning my neck, I peered up at the window, finding the sky turning dark. I let out a groan as my head throbbed. The sound of a faucet running met my ears as I sat up. I threw the blankets off me and welcomed a wave of cool air.

“Saul?” I called. The water stopped and footsteps padded across tile and I turned just in time to find Saul sticking his head out the door to the bath. I looked him over, freshly washed, wearing a clean grey t-shirt and sweats. His bloody nose was cleaned up, his eye bruised. I pulled my legs up underneath me as he stepped out of the bathroom.

“How do you feel?” he asked. “You just passed out on the floor. I wasn’t sure what to do other than let you sleep.”

I pressed my palm against the center of my forehead. “My head is killing me,” I groaned.

Grabbing his water bottle off the desk, Saul rummaged through a drawer and brought out a rattling bottle of pills. He came to the bed and handed them to me, and I gratefully received them. The door to the dorm unlatched and I leaned over as Saul turned around. He walked over leaving me on the bed.

I popped two pills into my mouth and uncapped the water bottle, sipping gingerly. The pounding in my head slowed as I rehydrated but it was still present once the bottle was empty. I sighed and set the container of pills on the nightstand.

_Now to wait for the pills to work their magic._

Hushed voices came from the door, Saul’s and... It took me a moment before I recognized the other. “Alright, alright. You owe me,” Terrance’s voice said.

Saul stepped out of the way and let him in. I waved as Terrance came in quickly and went to his bed. He grabbed a shirt off the floor and a pair of short and shoved them in his bag. Packing several other odds and ends he quickly left the room, door shutting just shy of a slam behind him.

“Did you just banish Terrance?” I asked as Saul returned to the bed. He sat down, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Do you want me to bring him back?” he asked. I shook my head and set the half empty bottle of water on the nightstand. Sighing, I scooted over and laid on my side, making room for Saul in the twin sized bed. I patted the space next to me and watched as he climbed in next to me. I reached out and gently laid my arm over his side.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“No complaints. I am perfectly, happily sore,” he said closing his eyes with a soft smile. “It’s nice to be able to breathe the right way again.” I relaxed against him, moving closer. The scent of his soap filled my nose.

“Wanna tell me what happened?” I asked, craning my head to look up at him.

Saul’s arm curled around me, his hand falling to rest on my butt as if this was a natural position for us. His lips parted into a smile. “I got my ass handed to me,” he said. I rolled my eyes.

“If you got your ass handed to you then everyone else was demolished today.” I set my hand on his upper arm and ran my thumb across his skin. “What happened?”

Clicking his tongue, Saul began to tell me his story with a shrug. “We started off with swords. It was like facing a bull. I mean, you saw Andreas.” He shook his head. “The man hits harder than hell --- but I managed to disarm him.”

My brow rose in surprise. “Really?”

Saul hummed. “Mhmm. I think he thought he’d just be able to chase me off the platform and call it a day but somehow I managed to kick his sword out of his hand.”

I sat up and looked down at him with a frown. “Wait. You said it was a stalemate.”

“It was,” he nodded, “he tackled me.” I laid down. His hand rubbed along my hip. “I lost my sword and from there he beat the shit out of me.”

“Saul, I don’t know how you can call that a tie.”

He chuckled and flicked my forehead. “Let me finish.” I nodded and shut my mouth and waited for him to continue. “We kept fighting. He’d knock me down, I’d get back up. Eventually the clock ran out and the secondary evaluators stepped in.”

I rolled my lips into a line, trying not to laugh. “That’s it?” I chuckled, not succeeding on keeping my amusement to myself. “Your grand finale is that the clock ran out?”

Saul sat up, an offended and affronted look morphing his face. “No one else managed that, today!” I cackled as his fingers went to my sides, sliding up under my shirt tickling up my ribs. “Take it back,” he said.

“You beat a clock!” I laughed trying to grab his hands to make him stop. He did not stop. If anything, his fingers increased their search to find more tickle spots. Finally, I broke down, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes as I gasped for breath. “Ok, stop, stop, please --- Saul, please stop!” I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down on top of me, my legs wrapping around his waist trying to limit just how much of me he could reach. It wasn’t until his hands stopped their teasing and he leaned up and over me and stared down at me that I fully realized the… implications of our newfound position.

My eyes met his as he began to lean down and I rose up to meet him. It was a soft kiss at first. Safe, lips to lips, nothing more than that. For a moment. Then he pressed down and it deepened. A swirling void opening in my gut as I reached up and clung to him, my hands sliding up the back of his neck to card through his hair. His tongue tested my lips, breaking through as I opened my mouth in a gasp for air. My free hand fell from his neck, and cupped the side of his neck, his rapid pulse throbbing against my palm. The heat of him soaked into my skin. It was almost enough to ignore the dread that began to twist its way down my spine.

I ducked my head to the side when my lungs began to demand a breath. His lips continued to press against me: the corner of my mouth, my cheek, along my jaw before mouthing down my neck to my collarbone. I looked up at the ceiling as my heart pounded and my fingers gripped the front of his shirt tightly. I felt frozen, unable to move, unable to do anything.

The kisses stopped.

I held my breath as Saul’s face moved in front of mine. My eyes moved in their sockets as I lay frozen beneath him. I bit my lip as I shook my head at him.

We had been here before and every time it grew harder to watch the look of disappointment that would flash over his face. But as always, that look soon vanished and he quickly released me. Shifting back, he moved to the opposite end of the bed, and I scooted back to mine. I stared at him as he caught his breath, eyes staring down at his hands as they gripped his knees.

A million thoughts cluttered my mind, all trying to climb to the top of the pile as I watched him. Was he angry? A voice in my head wondered.

_He doesn’t know what I know, he thinks this is his fault, that I don’t love him. It’s my fault._

I wanted to tell him the truth; tell him about the letter in the pocket of my coat, the 18 years I owed. I wanted to tell him we shouldn’t see each other anymore. That this was just torturing the both of us. That it wasn’t worth it.

His eyes lifted from his hands and met my gaze. “I’m not mad,” he said softly, as if he could read the question pounding its way through my head. He leans forward and brings his hand down to rest on my ankle, stroking the bit of skin between the top of my sock and the bottom of jeans. “Don’t cry,” he told me.

It was then I realized I was sobbing, silent, full sobs with tears streaming from my eyes.

I wiped my cheeks on the backs of my hands. “Saul,” I whimpered. He didn’t move. He waited for me to go to him. Pushing myself up, I sobbed out and reached for him, clambering across the bed burying my face in his neck as shuddering sobs wracked my body. His arms wrapped around my back, on hand resting on top of my head as he shushed me softly. Slowly his arms tightened as if he was trying to show me that he wasn’t going to let me go ever, as if nothing would take me from his hold.

“You’re tired,” he whispered, pressing his lips to my hair. “You’re exhausted and I know you’re stressed.” He rubbed circles into the center of my back as I pressed my face into his chest, my own arms wrapping tightly round his torso. “I know you think you have to keep it all to yourself, but you don’t have to, Endra.”

Sniffling, I looked up at him. His eyes mimicked a cold grey sea and yet there was such warmth within them. I squeezed my eyes closed and looked away. I turned my head and pressed my ear to his chest. A soft beat drifted up through his breast and washed over me again and again and again. I focused on it. The squeeze of the muscle followed by a moment of relaxation that held a steady, comforting rhythm. My breaths slowed to mimic his. The tears stopped. My body ceased its quaking. I felt stronger, more stable. We stayed like that, huddled together until finally I found the resolve to push myself back and sit up on my own.

My jaw clenched as I moved back, avoiding Saul’s eyes knowing full well that he was watching me. I wiped my face on my sleeve and began to climb off the bed.

“I’m going to head back to my dorm,” I said as I stood up. I pulled my shirt back down into place and pushed my hair over my shoulder as I looked for my shoes. The bed creaked behind me as Saul stood up.

“Endra, please talk to me,” he pleaded. I kept my back to him and gathered my things. “Is this about us or something else?”

 _Both?_ I bit the inside of my cheek. Reaching up, I decided to ignore the question and raked my fingers over my scalp before pulling my coat over my shoulders. “I’m fine, Saul. You were right, I’m just tired.”

“Then stay here. You can have my bed, I’ll sleep on Terrance’s---” I shook my head and looked at him finally. He watched me, a frantic glint in his gaze. The tears threatened to start again. Saul stepped forward, his hand grabbing mine. “Endra, _what_ is going on? You’ve been… different ever since this morning. And I’m starting to think it’s not just that you were worried about me.”

“It’s everything,” I broke out, pulling my hand out of his. “Everything is falling apart and I can’t---” my voice choked as I hung my head as tears began to fall again. I cursed under my breath and looked up, trying to get them to stop. Saul stepped in front of me, hands at his sides, holding me with only his gaze as I hiccupped and sobbed.

“I don’t know what is wrong, but _we’re_ not falling apart.”

“You say that now but we _are_ ,” I insisted, pushing my hand against the center of his chest trying to move him away from me. Saul didn’t budge.

“I don’t care where you go, or where I go after next week. I love you because you make me feel safe. You’ve made me understand that I don’t have to be alone the rest of my life, that I can want a family again --- Endra, I need you in my life whether we’re in the same room or not--- whether we’re on the same continent or not.” He stepped closer, his hands rising to cup my face, forcing me to look up at him. “Things are changing and I know you’re scared, because I’m scared too but _please…”_ he pressed his brow to mine, “don’t leave me.”

My eyes drifted closed as his warm breath broke over my skin. We stood there a moment, maybe two, maybe more. Finally, I breathed in deep. I reached up and set my hands-on top of his. I pushed.

“Goodbye, Saul,” I whispered, turning on my heel and running for the door. I didn’t stop, not even when he called my name.

“Endra---”

The door slammed shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.
> 
> First off this was not supposed to so angsty. I swear there was supposed to be a lot of fluff, and like 30% less angst. I don’t even know how we went from them getting steamy to Endra full on sobbing. It just happened. And honestly this won’t be the last time. You’re gonna get at least one Saul sobbing scene in the next few chapters.
> 
> But God, I wish I could draw a soft Saul and crying Endra scene with him at one end of the bed and her at the other, just staring at each other. T_T 
> 
> The next chapter should be kinda short and will be the conclusion of our time at Alfea as Saul and Endra go their separate ways. 
> 
> Nobody freak out, lemme remind you we're only in part 2 | The Past. There's still Part 3 | The Future.


	8. Part Two The Past | Chapter 6 of 13

One week later

“Congratulations to the Alfea class of 2003,” the keynote speaker said as he took to the stage. My knee bounced up and down as my gaze fell away, disinterest crawling along the back of my skull. My eyes flitted to the left, peering through the rows in front of me for jet black hair.

Saul sat with his back to me, not once looking over his shoulder. He looked fine. Happy even. My stomach churned.

_You did the right thing._

“You should tell him you’re leaving,” Rose whispered and I turned away, flushing as she caught me staring across the room for the fifth time in the past hour. “You haven’t spoken to him in days, he deserves to know why.” I shook my head and stared up at the speaker, not hearing his words, just blankly staring into space. Rose sighed. “Then at least tell _me_ where you’re going. You can’t just drop off the face of the Otherworld this afternoon. I refuse.”

“I can’t,” I hissed at her, my nails biting into my palm. She crossed her arms and glared at me before turning away. I sighed. For days she had been badgering me as I set to packing up my side of the room. By yesterday evening everything had been packed away, and my bags were sitting by the front door. I looked down at my watch. Two o’clock. My belly tightened. Two hours left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silence echoed through the hall as the entire class of 2003 left our seats and were herded out the door. Graduation was over. Our time at Alfea was over. I was surprised. Everyone seemed to feel the weight of that on our shoulders, not just me.

“Over here for a class picture, please!” A voice called. We followed. “Tall people in back, height challenged people in front.” I looked over my shoulder as Rose moved through the crowd, leaving me behind to join Ben.

I climbed down to the middle step they wanted us to take, and found a spot, waiting for everyone else to get a clue and find theirs. Crossing one arm over my torso, I gripped my other forearm and waited. Slowly everyone gathered into place.

“Endra,” a voice said above and behind me. My lungs stopped working. I turned. Saul glanced at the front of the group as the photographer then turned back to me. “Can we talk?” he asked. I opened my mouth to tell him no, when a call came from the bottom of the steps.

“Alright, everyone look here, aaaand perfect.” The click of the camera clattered through my ears and the moment he gave us a thumbs up, I was pushing through the crowd.

“Endra!” Saul’s voice called behind me. I fought the urge to turn towards him. Instead, I made a beeline up the steps, across the drive and headed for the dorms. Footsteps ran behind me, gravel crunching beneath them. An iron hot hand wrapped around my elbow and pulled me back.

“Let me go, Saul!” I cried, beating my free hand against his chest. He lurched back, avoiding my fist, shaking me from side to side.

“I need to talk to you, _please_ ,” he said, grabbing my hand the next time it sailed towards his face. With practiced ease he caught my hand and brought it down to join my other arm, clasping them together at the center of his chest.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I hissed, catching a glimpse over his shoulder as a group of students were watching us. I grabbed a handful of his shirt, pulled him towards me and then pushed him back with all my might. He stumbled away. Hands free, I spun around and took off for the dorms again. I could hear him still following behind me.

It wasn’t until I was a few yards from the entrance to the school that I noticed the black sedan rolling through the iron gates. Red, blue and gold flags waved on the hood of the car.

“What are the Solarians doing here?” Saul breathed. I looked down finding his hand enveloping mine again. I yanked my arm out of his grip and stepped away as the car came to a stop in front of us. With perfect ease the driver stepped out of his side and made his way around to the passenger door, holding it open.

“Miss Darav,” a man’s voice called cheerfully from the open door. A moment later a man in a dark grey suit stepped out of the car, eyes trained on me. “Percival Sitwell,” he said walked over to me, driver following behind him. “I believe you received my letter a week ago.”

I nodded my head and clasped my hands in front of me. “Your letter said you wouldn’t be here till 4 o’clock,” I said as politely as I could, though I could feel the strain coursing through my voice. Saul shifted out of the corner of my eye and a head of red hair flounced towards us.

Sitwell came to a stop in front of me and smiled apologetically. “Ah, yes, we are a tad early I’m afraid. I trust you’re ready to go though?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but Saul cut me off. “Go where, exactly?” he asked, holding a hand out in front of me.

Smile still in place, Sitwell turned to Saul, then back to me. “Friend of yours?” he asked. He glanced aside as Rose joined us, breathless.

“Who’s this, Endra?” she asked sweetly, shooting a cute, inviting smile at Sitwell.

He looked her over then turned back to me. “Shall we collect your things?” he asked, holding a hand out for me to lead the way to the dorm. Swallowing, I began to turn when Rose stepped out in front of me. She smiled widely.

“I can show you gentlemen the way,” she glanced back at me. “The headmistress was looking for you, Endra,” she said, flaring her eyes to Saul. I ground my teeth together as she led Sitwell and his driver away, ignoring the man’s protests as she all but dragged him towards our dorm.

“Saul, let me go,” I said as he pulled me down the hallway. We turned round a corner and he let go of my hand as we moved out of sight.

“Tell me what the hell is going on,” he said as I stumbled forward, catching myself on the wall. I glanced back at him, arms crossed over his chest. He bobbed his head. “Who are those people?” he asked.

“They’re here to return me to the capital.”

Saul shifted from one foot to the other, hands going to his hips as if he needed to grab something to keep himself from grabbing me. “Return? Why?”

“I was born there,” I murmured, shifting to the side as a group of students passed us by. Saul followed me, never more than a few feet away.

“Do you want to go with them?” he asked. I turned and looked up at him. Silence stretched out between us as I shook my head. Saul sighed. “Then tell them, Endra, you don’t have to---”

“Yes, I do, Saul. I don’t have a choice,” I whispered.

“Bullshit,” he said.

“Saul, you live in a world where you’ve chosen to fight, where you can choose which battles you stand against and which ones you can walk away from. I don’t have that luxury.” Looking down, I held up my wrist and ran my fingers over it, electricity flowing across my skin. A shimmer raced across my skin as the concealment spell fluttered out. White lines swirled across my skin. I looked at Saul, his gaze trained on my wrist. I took a deep breath. “This mark belongs to the royal family of Solaria. It means that I belong to them. I owe them a debt to be repaid not in money, but in time. Eighteen years exactly.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Saul asked, eyes widening as the concealment spell shimmered across my wrist once more and the mark disappeared.

“Because I’m not supposed to tell anyone about this, and I can’t tell you any more than that so _please_ don’t bother asking,” I said, holding my hand up as he opened his mouth to question me more. “How would telling you change anything?”

“We could have discussed this,” he said, stepping closer, setting his hands on my waist. I shook my head and tried to step back but somehow my body didn’t quite listen to my brain. My hands mirrored his and I held onto him. “We can still be together, Endra. I told you I don’t care if we’re in the same realm --- I just want to know you’re mine and that I’m yours.”

My head shook as I pulled him down to meet me, pressing my lips to his. He stiffened against me for a moment, as if I had just attacked him. And then he grew softer. His hold enveloped me. He leaned back pulling me up so that my toes just barely touched the ground. He set me down at I pressed my ear to his chest, soaking in his warmth begging my mind to never forget the feel of his arms around me.

Saul’s lips moved against my ear. “I’ll wait---”

“No,” I cut him off, “you won’t.” He pulled back from me, pain on his face as if I had just stabbed him. I shook my head and set my hand against his chest. I knew he would wait for me. But then I imagined him, in love with another girl. Married. I imagined his children, children who might grow to share his eyes, his black as night hair... maybe his smile. “I don’t mean it like that,” I told him. “I know you would wait years for me, but I won’t ask you to do that---”

“I’m not asking you to ask me. I will---”

“Saul, they don’t just want me to be a healer,” I whispered. “When I leave here, I won’t be the same person that you know. I’m going to forget this place --- us.”

He flinched. “How can you say that?” he asked, eyes wetting with tears. I ran my thumb across his cheek and wiped them as they spilt over his skin.

I bit my lip and let my fingers leave his face. “Because it has to be said. Because I have to say it.” I reached down and gripped his hand. “I’ve known all year that this wasn’t going to last, Saul. You didn’t. It was stupid and I was selfish and I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” His bottom lip trembled as I craned my neck and kissed him one last time. For the last time. I pulled back and pried his hands away from my waist. “I have to go, now.”

“Endra, please,” he whispered as I turned my back to him and started down the hall. This time he didn’t chase me, didn’t stop me.

But I desperately wished he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof the fluff and angst in this series has nearly killed me. We went from sweet to heartbreak and aahhhh it was fun to write. 
> 
> Also, I know what you’re thinking. Hannah's done her math wrong again, because Saul and Endra both said in chapters 1 and 2 of Part One that they had been waiting 18 years--- not the 15 Endra says she owes in this chapter. Well, let me remind you that Saul also said that Endra had let Luna extend her time before and so the extra month addition in the first chapter wasn’t the first time she had done that. 
> 
> Any thoughts on what the heck Endra is going to do to owe an extra three years?


	9. Saul POV | One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been one year since Saul and Endra parted ways at Alfea.

Pain bloomed behind my eyes as a monstrous force sent me flying through the air. The back of my head cracked against the trunk of a tree. I fell to the ground sword still in hand somehow. My brain seemed to turn to mush, sloshing around inside my skull. Yells and shouts echoed around me mixing together in a blur of noise. I turned my head to the side and looked out into the small clearing as the team circled the burned one.

Andreas yelled out something as Ben and Farah raised their hands. Its legs sunk down deep into the mud as a sword cut across its back. It swung around nearly hitting Andreas across the face before its arm froze in mid-air. Andreas plunged his sword into its chest as a fiery glow grew from within bursting from its wounds. It screamed out and flailed one last time, before collapsing into a pile of smoking ask. The clearing fell to silence.

“Fucking hell,” I groaned as I pushed myself up to stand. I reached up and wiped the side of my head on the back of my hand, blood staining my skin. I turned towards the team and reached up to slide my sword back into is scabbard.

“Look out, Saul!” Ben’s voice yelled behind me as I stepped away from the tree. I turned my head, just in time to see a second burned one racing towards me, leaping from tree to tree, sword arm raised to strike. My body tilted as I stumbled to raise my sword across my forearm.

 _This is it. This is the one that’s going to kill me_.

It jumped. I bent my knees and raised my sword with both hands, aiming for the center of its chest. Then it was gone as an invisible force threw it to the side. Andreas ran past me, eyes wide with bloodlust, sword raised up. I took a quick breath and followed after him.

Crawling up the side of a fallen tree, the burned one turned around and faced us, holding its arms out to the sides, looking between the two of us, trying to pick a target. I reached down to my belt and grabbed on of Ben’s special vials, and tossed it at the base of the tree. White fire burst along the trunk and the creature screeched, jumping down to the forest floor. Now with fire to its back, Andreas and I moved to opposite sides, yelling and cajoling. We were the distraction.

Farah and Ben were the killers.

Andreas faked a charge forward, grabbing the burned one’s attention before I did the same. We moved side to side, never once giving it a moment to fully pick either of us. If we did, we’d be dead.

“Anytime, Farah,” Andreas yelled.

“We’re working on it,” she called back and I looked to the side as she stepped between two trees and held her hands out to the burned one. Water flew from behind her, a wall swirling and thrashing round the monster as Ben stepped next to Farah. He focused on the ground as the burned ones feet and it began to sink in, trapped by the water, nowhere to run to as it was buried deeper and deeper. Then the water dropped and when I next looked, I found the burned one’s head sticking out of the ground, screeching and mouthing as it looked around at us. Ben stalked towards it, digging into his bag. He pulled out an orange filled vial. Careful not to get to close to its mouth, he poured the oil over the beast.

The screaming stopped.

I turned to Farah. “Any more out there?” I asked, breathless, turning and scanning the forest around us. Farah turned her ear to the trees, eyes flashing white. After a moment she shook her head.

“That’s it,” she announced.

We all let out a deep breath of relief. Pulling his sword from the body, Andreas pointed it at me. “You alright?” he asked gruffly.

I nodded my head and reached back, returning my sword to the scabbard on my back. “Head’s mush but what else is new?”

“Six minutes for two,” Rosalind sighed as she stepped out from behind a row of trees. I turned in surprise. She looked over us with a look of disinterest. “You’re getting faster. Though some of you could learn to speed things up a bit more.” She didn’t have to look at me for anyone to know exactly who she was talking to. A sigh escaped my lungs and I hung my head in silence.

“Anyone of us could have taken that hit, Saul,” Ben said kindly. Farah nodded her head in agreement.

“Head back to camp,” Rosalind said ignoring Ben. “We have much to discuss in regards to new orders. We need to plan our route to the capital.” I bristled, hands morphing into fists. Rosalind, whether she noticed or not, continued, “And now that we have our specimen, I’ll send out the second team to retrieve it.” She looked over at me. “Get yourselves cleaned up.”

Turning on her heel, she left us behind and disappeared through the trees. I glanced back at the sleeping beast, its eyes were closed and it almost appeared dead. It took everything I had to not drive my sword through the top of its skull. Farah called out, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Come on you lot,” she said, waving us after her. “Let’s go home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trek back to the jeeps was long and tedious. It had begun to rain and the chilly air of evening sent my body into a near fit of shivers. Walking behind Farah, I followed her to the jeep, nearly elated at the sight of it.

Ben raced past me and I stopped and stared as he hopped in the front seat of the car. Throwing his bag into the floor he turned and chuckled awkwardly. “I’d like to survive the drive so I can call my wife, Saul,” Ben said, looking at me somewhat apologetically as he glanced at the other jeep. I looked over my shoulder and found Andreas sitting in the driver’s seat. The door slammed shut before me and I turned back around as Farah started the jeep. Ben smiled at me like he’d just condemned me to hell. Which he had.

“Fuck you,” I mouthed, poking the window with my finger as they began to drive off. Kicking the dirt, I cursed as they disappeared down the road without me. Then with a sense of dread I headed to Andreas’ jeep.

“You and me again, eh, Saul?” Andreas said as I climbed into the passenger seat. I looked over as he set the car into gear and we started down the road too fast already. I winced as the jostling motion reminded me of the headache taking root in the center of the forehead.

“I don’t suppose you’d let me drive?” I asked him as I reached up and braced my hand against the ceiling as we hit a series of bumps in the road.

Andreas frowned and looked over at me. “What’s wrong with my driving?” he asked. I stared at him.

_You drive 90 on mountain roads rated for 20._

“Nothing,” I sighed and turned away.

“You know at some point, I figure the three of you,” he said after a moment and I realized he was referring to Farah and Ben as well as me, “will get tired of me driving like a maniac and let me drive myself in peace.”

I looked at him as we sped up. “What—"

Andreas pressed down on the gas pedal, stopping me from questioning him again. We soon caught up to Farah and Ben. I hoped for a moment we might stay behind them for awhile and drive just as slow as they were, but the moment Andreas spied the smallest opening we passed around them, him laughing at the top of his lungs, and me holding onto the dash for dear life. Finally noticing the hold, I had on the dashboard, Andreas shook his head.

“Ease up, Saul. Think of the city, the few days of rest you’ll get once we deliver that thing.”

“I’ve never liked the city,” I ground out.

“You say that but you and I both know you’ve never been to the city with me,” Andreas shook his head as we rounded a sharp turn. I grit my teeth as the momentum sent me reeling into the side of the door. Reaching down, I pulled my water flask from my backpack. Andreas kept needling. “I keep telling you, Saul, you need to find a girl. Even if it’s just someone to pass the time with.”

I tilted my head back and swallowed the last drops of water from my canteen. I turned away and stared out the window of the car.

“And I keep telling you,” I shook my head, “that’s the last thing I need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask and ye shall receive. Happy Valentines Day! (It's still technically the 14th where I am). 
> 
> Guys I have appreciated the love these past few days and I'm looking forward to getting on with this story. Thanks again for the comments and messages. I'm having a lot of fun. The next two chapters are ready and will be out later this week. 
> 
> If you haven't already please consider spanking that sexy kudos button for me. I'm really itching to see a 100 on the stats for this story before it's through and it would mean a lot. <3 Have a great Monday!


	10. Part Two The Past | Chapter 7 of 10

Fire bloomed across the skin of my hand. I sucked in a deep breath and tilted my head back to look up at the ceiling of the great hall, and made my way down the stairs, letting the air in my lungs escape in a long, drawn out hiss. Part of me wanted to race across the building and throw myself through the doors. But the other part of me knew that if I did that, when she summoned me next time, she’d expect me to arrive even faster. Cutting my nails into my skin I calmly walked towards the doors to the throne room, smoothing the front of my uniform before giving a small nod to the guard waiting to pull it open for me. With a creak, the doors opened and I stepped inside.

“There you are,” Queen Luna said as I walked through the doors to the throne room. The pain in my wrist disappeared as her eyes flashed.

“I apologize for my lateness,” I said, bowing quickly. “I went to your personal study first.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “And I would much rather be there now, but we’re expecting guests.” She squirmed in her chair, setting one hand to her rounded stomach. Clasping my hands behind my back, I waited for her to tell me the reason for my summoning. However, we seemed to be waiting on the scribe standing next to her scribbling into a red ledger. Raising her hand, she waved to Sitwell. “Leave us,” she ordered. Looking up from his notes, the scribe finally seemed to notice me. He turned and looked down at the queen.

“Rosalind of Alfea will be here soon, Your Majesty,” he reminded her.

Luna nodded her head. “We’ll be done before they arrive.” With a bow, the scribe gathered his things and walked down the steps. He cut his eyes at me as he passed me by, and I listened as his footsteps retreated to the door. Luna crooked her finger at me and I made my way up the stairs until I was just below her. She leaned forward, voice lowered.

“You’ve done as I asked?” she turned to me once the doors were closed.

I bowed my head. “Yes.” She shook her head quickly urging me to elucidate. I took a deep breath. “I’ve prepared a distraction for tomorrow night’s gala. One of the serving girls. He’ll appear overly inebriated.” Luna leaned back in her seat. “There will be enough witnesses. A slight push and he should make quite the show.” 

“You’ve grown much more proficient at this, Endra,” Luna breathed and smiled as if she had just paid me a compliment.

 _I’ve had enough practice_ , I thought to myself, _it’s not every healer who spends their days planning ways to embarrass courtiers and kings._

“Make sure there’s no mistakes this time,” Luna said bringing me out of my thoughts. “I want everyone to know what a fool he is.”

I ran my fingers over the mark on my wrist. I bowed my head. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

The door creaked open behind me and I looked over my shoulder as a page stepped inside. I cocked my head. “Rosalind of Alfea,” he announced. I stepped away from the throne and stood off to the side.

Through the door stepped a familiar figure, I clasped my hands behind my back as Rosalind made her way into the room. I gave her little pause. It was when I realized she was flanked by four other familiar faces that I lost my breath.

Following behind Rosalind was Professor Dowling, Andreas of Eraklyon, Ben Harvey, and Saul Silva. My heart hammered in my chest at the sight of him and I found myself unable to move, which I should have been thankful for, otherwise I was sure my mouth would have dropped open in shock.

“Welcome to the capital,” Luna said, her voice drifting through the hall. I looked up at her as Rosalind inclined her head.

“Your Majesty,” she greeted with a wry smile.

“You’ll remember Endra Darav, my healer won’t you, Rosalind? She was one of your top students. Quite talented.”

I turned away from Luna and nodded to Rosalind, trying not to look past her face. But then Ben looked over at me openly, eyebrows rising in disbelief before Farah jabbed him in the side and he turned forward once more. From Ben, my eyes naturally drifted to the man standing next to him.

Saul only paid me a short glance, grey eyes running over my face before moving to focus forward. I took a breath. His hair was a tad longer, flowing over his forehead in a jagged cut and he seemed almost taller, shoulders wider, chest stronger.

“Endra?” Luna called my name, her voice sharp and I realized everyone but Saul was looking at me. How many times had she called for me? “Endra!” Luna said again and I turned away, and looked up at her. I blinked and shook my head.

“Apologies, your Majesty,” I said and she glared down at me.

“I wish to speak with Rosalind alone. Show our other guests to their rooms.” I nodded and she turned back to the group as I moved down the steps. “Enjoy your stay with us. I look forward to seeing you all for tomorrow’s gala.”

“This way, please,” I told the group of soldiers as I sped past them.

I didn’t look back to see if they were actually following me. It was only when I walked through the open door and turned to the right that I saw them out of the corner of my eye, trekking after me in silence. Heat and sweat moved down the back of my neck. Reaching up, I pushed a lock of wispy hair behind my ear and glanced back. Farah and Ben walked directly behind me, while Saul and Andreas brought up the rear. I don’t know if Ben was incapable of reading the room or if he just chose to ignore it as he ducked his head and smiled at me.

“The Queen’s healer, Endra Darav,” he marveled. Shaking his head, he looked up at the gilded ceiling above us. “Rose will be pleased as punch. Mad she didn’t get to see you herself, but pleased.”

I had intended to smile at whatever he had to say. But then he mentioned Rose and I found myself asking, “How is she?”

“Pregnant,” he answered proudly. I stumbled to a stop and turned. Ben beamed and Farah rolled her eyes at him.

“What? Really?” I asked, a hint of a smile quirking my lips. “That’s---”

“Ahem,” someone cleared their voice at the back of the group. I peered past Ben to find Andreas looking at us dully, Saul focusing on some obscure painting on the wall.

“That’s wonderful, Ben,” I said, stepping back, wishing I could disappear right then. I turned away and continued down the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Here we are,” I breathed as we finally made it to the guest wing of the palace. I held my hands out to the array of rooms down one hall. “Take your pick. If your bags aren’t here already, your attendants should be bringing them soon.”

Without a word, Andreas stepped around us, Saul following behind him. I did my best to not look too cheery as he passed, but also not too upset. Aloof. That’s what I was going for. I’m not sure I succeeded. As Saul’s back came into view, I watched as he stalked down the hall and disappeared inside one of the rooms. I bit back a sigh.

Ben followed next, pausing mid step and turning to me. “We should catch up if you’re free,” he said, with a hopeful half-smile. I mirrored his expression and nodded. Looking over his shoulder at Farah, he nodded and disappeared down the hall.

Twisting around I raised my eyebrows. “Professor Dowling?” I asked, waiting for her to follow the rest of her team. Her eyelashes fluttered as she sighed and shook her head.

“I’m not a professor anymore, Endra, and you aren’t a student.” I bowed my head and looked at the toes of my boot. “You look well,” she said.

“Everyone looks well when you haven’t seen them in a year,” I said, looking back up at her. “Although you lot look downright depressing. Though that just might be your proximity to me.

Farah looked down the hall wistfully. “You’ll have to excuse them. We fought two burned ones yesterday. Between our injuries and wrangling one to bring to the Capital has us all on edge.” I looked down the hall towards the door Saul had disappeared through. “He’s doing well, Endra,” she said and I turned back to her. Farah nodded her head and crossed her arms. “Yes, I know about you two, and I suspect that the thought of seeing you is the reason behind the foul mood he’s been sporting the last few days.”

“He told you about…” _Us?_ I found myself frowning at the thought of Saul telling everyone what kind of monster I was. A flare of familiar regret, the same feeling I’d felt nearly daily for a year, washed over me.

“Ben did,” she said with a knowing look and I tilted my head back with a sigh.

“Of course, he did.”

Farah stepped closer and lowered her voice as she set a hand on my shoulder. “I understand why you made the choice you did, Endra. And it may not be my place to ask this, but I’m going to: honor your decision.”

If in that moment anyone else had said those words to me, they would have been a pile on the floor writhing in pain as their bones shattered with a flick of my hand. But this was Farah Dowling. The woman who taught me for years, who cared for me when I was alone with no one else to share my troubles and fears.

I nodded my head and she dropped her hand from my shoulder. With one last small smile, Farah rubbed the back of her neck and started down the hallway. She walked to the first door on her right and disappeared inside, leaving me bitter, hurt and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter, I'm not going to lie. Not my best, but I'm really excited for you guys to see the next few. The upcoming ones are... woof. Steamy, angsty. Oof. 
> 
> Thanks for helping me get to 80 kudos in 10 days. I felt that one really deep in my feelings. T_T
> 
> As always, interacting with you guys makes me want to write more. So feel free to ask me anything about the story, my thoughts on Winx, the state of the universe as we know it. I don't care. 
> 
> Have a great day/night wherever you are! 
> 
> -Hannah


	11. Part Two The Past | Chapter 8 of 13

The next day began and dragged on as normal as any morning, considering I spent all of it locked in my room. I tried to read. I tried to write notes for a study I’d had an idea for. Nothing proved an adequate distraction. That is until just half passed noon when a knock sounded from the door to my study. A sense of dread filled me as I rose from my desk and stalked across the room. Pulling up the latch, I let the door open just a crack.

“Their majesties are requesting your presence in the yard,” a young scribe said as I peeked around the door.

“Any idea why?” I asked, as I pulled the door open wider. If it had been Sitwell, my question would have been met with a scoff. As it was the young boy looked up at me as if I had some actual say in whether he’d get to keep his job or not.

He shrugged and stammered. “Something to do with the specialists,” he said stepping back towards the stairs. Bowing his head, he spun around and disappeared up the steps. My stomach fell at the word ‘specialists’ and I leaned my head against the doorframe with a groan.

“Fuck.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There she is,” a man’s voice said as I stepped into the courtyard. I looked up to find Luna turning towards me, a man standing behind her, hands on his hips.

“I apologize, Your Majesty,” I said, bowing to him. Kennan of Solaria looked over me with an annoyed look. He turned back to Luna.

“Shall we?” he held his arm out to her. One hand on her swelling stomach, she took his arm and he led her across the courtyard. I followed behind them quickly, a frown marring my face. I grew even more confused as we approached the old stables.

“Pardon me, but was there something you needed from me?” I asked.

Kennan looked back at me. “We are going to see the specimen Rosalind’s people brought to the capital last night. Your services may be… required.” He turned back around. More questions wanted to flow from my mouth. Luna sent a curt look over her shoulder as if she sensed my curiosity. Instead, I straightened up and followed in silence.

Two guards stood the entrance to the barn, straight and tall as we approached. With a salute they pulled the door open. Kennan guided Luna past them and I squinted trying to peer past the open doorway, but it was like peering into a black void. I wondered for a moment if it was Luna’s magic that made it so.

I stepped through the open door quietly, squinting my eyes. The room was dark, dull rays of light coming in from the windows on the far wall, but not enough to do more than illuminate the edges of the floor. The scent of stale air filled my nose and I turned around as the door closed behind me.

“Come along, Darav,” the king called me indignantly. I spun around and suddenly the light from the windows seemed to brighten, and the room came into focus. In the center of the room stood a large cage, iron bars wrapping this way and that as a shadow moved inside. A rasp filled the air and a chill ran down my back as I joined the king and queen.

“Is it drugged?” Luna asked and for a moment I wasn’t sure who she was expecting to answer her. Then movement came from the wall. Rosalind, flanked by Farah stepped out towards us. I realized more guards stood around us, and if I squinted my eyes just right, I recognized the rest of Rosalind’s team. They all stood ready surrounding the cage.

“The drugs should be wearing off,” Ben’s voice drifted to my ears and I realized he was standing almost right behind me. “It’s almost time for its next dose---”

“I decided you might rather see it awake,” Rosalind said as she approached us. Her eyes shimmered and the room grew brighter. I looked over at the cage.

“Is that…?” I asked.

Rosalind raised an eyebrow. “A burned one? Yes, it is. I’m surprised you had to ask.”

“Endra’s training didn’t focus on burned ones,” Farah said and I looked at her, raising my head as she gave me a small smile. I remembered my lessons with her, my mind drifting through memories of the past. I remembered the peace and patience and kindness and a sense of melancholy fell over me in that moment.

“I’m curious if your magic affects them at all, Endra,” Luna said, turning to me, and I was dragged back to the present. I flinched as the burned one rammed its arm against the cage. Whatever Ben had given it, it was definitely wearing off.

“Yes, I wonder that as well,” Kennan said next to her, looking between me and the cage curiously. “Your specialty is in affecting the anatomy and physiology of humans and other living things. I wonder if you can affect this,” he waved to the cage, “can you make it bleed?”

A sick twist filled my belly. _I don’t want to make it bleed_.

Luna raised an eyebrow as I stayed rooted to the floor next to them. “Well,” she said, “go on. Don’t be scared. It can’t get out of the cage. Can it?” she asked looking back at the guards behind us. I turned my head, glancing at the specialists for the first time since we’d entered the room. Andreas cocked his head as I peered past him. Saul kept his eyes on the cage. I wished he’d look at me. Maybe then the terror squeezing around my lungs would abate.

“It can’t get out,” Rosalind said, after a moment and I turned my gaze to focus on her. She pivoted to look over at me. “A containment spell traps it within the cage. You needn’t be nervous.”

Luna smiled and turned to me, her husband following her lead. I cursed them in my head. _So, you want me to go up and basically poke the monster with a big magic stick. Sure? Why the hell not? It’s not like I have better things to do with my life. Thanks for asking so nicely by the way._

Inclining my head, I turned away, chewing on the inside of my cheek. I took a step forward then another, the world around me seeming to slow as I drew close to the cell. The burned one’s head turned from side to side watching me approach a low rasp breaking from its throat. Holding up a hand I let my magic run over my fingers like rivers of light.

Luna scoffed behind me. “You won’t be able to do anything from there. Go a bit closer,” she ordered. I closed my eyes for a moment before doing as she said.

I looked up, realizing I was close enough to see the glossy black eyes of the burned one. The light of my magic reflected in its eyes. I reached out again, and willed the light from my hand. It flowed through the air, snaking left and right, shooting out from the tips of my fingers. A spark flew as it crossed through the barrier. I turned my head and knitted my eyebrows.

The usual sensation of the spell mapping out a living thing didn’t come. Instead, the light seemed to flow over the creature’s skin. I stepped closer. _There we go._ Slowly, the light soaked into the charred surface, but still nothing happened. I took a step closer as my magic was finally drawn beneath its skin. Biting my lip, I focused on what I wanted the magic to do. Cut, tear, carve. I crooked my fingers and a terrible, slick sound, the sound of flesh ripping came from the creature’s chest.

It screamed.

My hands morphed into fists at the sound. In that moment, I trusted the barrier. A squelch rung out, some kind of liquid—blood maybe—splashed across the floor. I took a deep breath and twisted my hand forcing my magic to dig in deeper.

That was when the barrier failed. Charred fingers slipped through the bars as it let out a screaming growl and I almost didn’t notice them. Not at first. Then the realization that it wasn’t supposed to be reaching toward me hit me and I reeled back, crying out as fabric tore. I stumbled back and fell to the ground in shock as voices gasped and yelled behind me. Strong arms slipped beneath mine, lifting me as I stared up at the cage. The creature rammed its side against the bars, iron rods bending at odd angles from the hits.

A pounding filled my ears as I was hauled back, dragged light flooding my eyes as I was pulled through the door. The world spun and my head tilted back, and all I could see was blue sky and big fluffy white clouds. My back was pressed against the wall, my hands gripped the front of someone’s shirt.

“ _Did it cut you?”_ they said, their voice muffled and sounding too far away.

The light of the sun beamed down from above as someone shook my shoulders. I swallowed a breath of fresh air and tore my gaze away from the clouds. Saul stared down at me, eyes wide, gaze darting over my face, sweat prickling his wrinkled brow. Over his shoulder, I spied Farah standing between the king, queen and the building. Her hands reached out, eyes watching the door next to us as if that thing might come running out any minute.

“Did it cut you?” Saul asked, looking me over. I followed his eyes to the tear in my sleeve, char residue marring the fabric. Fear rose up in my belly. Had it cut me? I couldn’t feel anything, no pain, no sensation of poison overtaking my system. Reaching up I pulled the torn sleeve aside to reveal perfectly unmarred skin. I let out a shot of air as relief washed over me. Saul’s hands loosened around my arms. 

“I’m---” I opened my mouth to tell him I was fine, but a horrendous growl followed by a series of shouts blew out from the barn. Saul let go of me and ran through the door, pulling his sword from his back.

I turned and stepped back from the wall. Yells and more came from within, Saul’s voice joining the chorus of voices and clatter of steel on steel. I held my breath, listening. Wind pulled my hair across my face and I didn’t move to brush it away. I focused on the door and imagined the happenings on the other side of it.

 _“_ Please, please, please,” I whispered, hand rising to cover the tear of my sleeve as if the heat of my palm might offer some form of comfort. I wasn’t sure what I was pleading for. _Lie_. I knew exactly what I was praying for. _Come back, please, please, please come back._

The sounds stopped. The silence was heavy. All I could hear was my own breathing. Then the world continued and new noises pulled my focus away from the doorway.

Luna’s voice cried out behind me in hysteric sobs. Turning around, I found her yelling at her husband. “I want that thing put down,” she shrieked.

Kennan held her by the shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Darling…” She pushed him away.

“It’s not safe,” she said. She looked over at me suddenly. “You said it was safe,” she raised her voice and I stopped mid-step. A shadow passed in the corner of my eye as Rosalind walked past me. Luna’s gaze followed her and I crossed my arms, unable to stop the glare I sent the way of the old headmistress.

 _You told me it was safe, too_ , I thought bitterly.

“And so, it was,” Rosalind replied, clasping her hands as she came to a stop in front of the royals. Farah glanced my way before moving to stand beside her mentor.

“So, what happened?” Kennan spat, wrapping an arm around Luna’s back. Rosalind looked over at me with cold disinterest. “I suspect that when your healer’s magic interacted with the barrier, it weakened Farah’s spell.” She shook her head as if she’d just simplified something to match our level of comprehension. “It was a simple miscalculation.”

“One that must be rectified,” Kennan said. He guided Luna to turn towards the castle, shushing her as she protested. He cut his eyes back to Rosalind. “Today. Or else you can forget studying that thing.”

“Of course,” Rosalind said, bowing her head. We watched the royals make their way back to the palace in silence.

Once they were out of earshot, Farah stepped over to Rosalind and spoke quietly. With a nod, Rosalind waved her off and they turned back to the barn, facing me. Farah’s mouth twitched up for a moment before she hurried past me. I twisted as she walked past and noticed the rest of Rosalind’s team standing at the door. Ben and Andreas were arguing about something. But Saul was looking at me. I bit my lip.

Saul’s eyes, for the first time since he’d arrived at the palace, were looking at me willingly. They weren’t cold, emotionless. They were just looking at me, as if he had finally decided I did exist and he could no longer ignore me.

“Shouldn’t you return to your duties?” Rosalind’s voice asked next to me and I turned to find her standing next to me. She quirked an eyebrow and gazed up at me knowingly as if she could read everything there was to know about me just by looking at my face. That thought sent a chill down my spine. I glanced over my shoulder again.

Saul was gone.

Swallowing, I bowed my head to Rosalind and took off in the opposite direction of the palace towards the gardens. I walked away in silence but as soon as I rounded a corner and knew I was out of sight, I ran. I ran across the open green field that spanned the front of the palace. I passed under the row of trees that lined the way leading to the river, and continued down the steps on the far side of the little road. I ran across the stone path, and rushed through the iron gate. The scent of flowers tickled my nose.

“Endra!”

I spun around as a man’s voice called out behind me. I stepped back into the shadow of a blossoming tree, and watched the gate, holding my breath as it opened.

“There you are,” Ben breathed, closing the gate behind him. I forced a smile on my face at the sight of him. He crossed the garden as I stepped out from the tree. “Are you alright?” he asked, eyes drifting to the sleeve of my uniform.

I looked down at it. Then I nodded my head. “Not a scratch,” I murmured, looking back up at him.

Ben sighed a smile twitching along his lips. “That’s good. I was worried no one had checked you over.”

“Saul did,” I said, regretting it as Ben straightened up in surprise.

“Oh.”

Pressing my lips together, I clasped my hands and waited awkwardly for him to say something, to talk about anything other than what I could tell was at the forefront of his mind.

“Was there something else?”

“What?” he asked, blinking. I raised an eyebrow as he gathered his thoughts, “Oh, no, no I just I um…” He looked over at me wincing. I braced myself. “Have you two spoken? You know about… the last time-”

“I don’t think he’s interested in speaking to me, Ben,” I said softly. I turned my head as a flower blossom fell from the branches above me, pink petals floating through the air. I reached out and watched as it settled in the center of my palm. “And I can’t exactly blame him.” Turning over my hand I let the flower fall. “It’s better this way. Really.”

“Don’t say that,” Ben murmured, shaking his head at me. His eyes watched over me, lips turned down in a sad frown. My mouth went dry as he looked at me with total pity. Turning away, I walked down the path, my fingers running over the leaves of the bushes.

“So, Rose is pregnant,” I said with a happy sounding sigh, hoping I had found the one subject that might distract him. I glanced over my shoulder. “Do you know what it is yet?”

“A boy,” he said with a soft smile. He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, Endra Darav.”

I held up my hands in defense. “I am doing absolutely nothing. Simply enquiring as to the status of my friend.”

Ben hummed. “And you know said friend wouldn’t let you hide behind that lie either. You should speak with Saul. Clear the air.” I groaned and shook my head. Ben stepped forward, leaning forward to catch my eye. “I’m not telling you to try be with him again, Endra. But he has spent the past year doing three things. Training, hunting burned ones, and wondering what the hell he did wrong.”

“Ben…” I sighed as I kicked at the gravel beneath my feet. I looked over at him. “He didn’t do anything wrong---”

“Yes, well, you just have to look at him to see that he thinks he did.” I bit the inside of my cheek as Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, if you’re going to let someone go, someone I know you cared deeply about, at least give them the closure they need to get on with their life. You owe him that at least.”

“You should make that a bumper sticker,” I sighed.

“Endra…”

I looked over to find him frowning at me. I considered what he was asking of me. One second, two seconds, three seconds passed. Bouncing my knee, I crossed my arms. “I’ll… think about it. But I don’t see how it will make any difference. There’s nothing I can say that will make him feel…” I hesitated, “like things make sense. It doesn’t make sense to me the more I’ve thought about it.”

Ben blinked. “You regret it?”

I chuckled and sighed, turning to face him. Letting my hands fall, I walked past him towards the garden gate. “Wouldn’t you?” I asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved this chapter. Especially the part where Saul dragged Endra out of the barn. Wow out of context that sounds weird. Anyways, I loved getting into their characters. They're feeling a lot right now. I'm feeling a lot right now. 
> 
> Runs off to write the next chapter at the speed of light.


	12. Note

For the people who have been reading from the beginning:

So, I hate to do this but I need to abandon a plot line that was going to happen but I just can’t work into the story at this point. You might remember from a few chapters ago, Endra told Saul she owed Luna 15 years. And we were going to have to find out what she did to get 3 more tacked onto her contract? Well, that’s not happening anymore. I couldn’t figure out how to balance it with the things I have planned with a plotline I have for Kennan (who Idk if I mentioned this last chapter is Stella’s Dad if you didn’t figure that one out yet).

I have gone back and edited the time Endra owes back up to 18 to match the original numbers in chapter 1 and 2. Thanks for being patient with me as I figure this out! I know its just a fanfic but my need for things to make sense was killing me and this was the easiest way for me to fix it. 

<3 -Hannah


	13. Part Two The Past | Chapter 9 of 13

_I hate this dress_.

Blowing a huff of air out the side of my mouth, I adjusted the side of my dress and turned to the mirror. I groaned as my skin rubbed against the fabric. It felt wrong, tiny hooks catching every bump and hair. Looking in the mirror, I took myself in, the black, floor length gown clinging to my body. I felt too exposed, like too much skin was showing. I looked longingly at my uniform. I hated the black jacket for different reasons but at least I could hide beneath it. I twisted to the side and peered over my shoulder into the mirror, a chill running over my skin where the back of the dress disappeared into a pure plunge, leaving me exposed for everyone to see. 

My fingers smoothed back a wisp of hair and I took a deep breath, looking over myself one more time.

_Three hours. Three hours and the night will be over._

Straightening up, I held my head high and walked out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your Majesties,” another noble bowed stiffly as Kennan and Luna looked out over the garden gala. I stifled a yawn from my position behind them as the procession continued, funneling from the front courtyard of the palace, looking out over the immaculate great lawn. My eyes drifted up for the tenth time, more interested in taking in the sights above us than around us.

Fairy lights beamed down from just a few feet above, moving this way and that like stars. The forest wisps had taken to swirling through the air, glittering colors of green and gold, blue and red filling the sky as they raced over the growing crowd.

“Endra,” a voice called to me and I tore my eyes away from the creatures of the air and turned to find the Queen of Light waving me over. She sighed as I approached, one arm bracing her back. “I don’t know how much longer I can stand like this,” she said, forcing a smile on her face as Kennan greeted the next person in the procession.

Raising my hand to her back, I discreetly let my magic flow, numbing her pain and giving her a slight boost of energy. She straightened up, arm falling to the side as the aches in her body seemed to disappear. I dropped my hand. The tiredness would return in the next ten minutes and we would do this again. But at least she’d have the appearance of being the strong queen she wanted everyone to see her as. Without another word she turned away from me and spoke excitedly to the couple bowing before her and I backed away, dismissed. Picking up my skirt I went back to my position behind them and stared dully at the line that stretched out before them.

 _We’re going to be here forever._ I looked down at the silver watch on my wrist and sighed. _Two hours._

My eyes drifted back to the lights above us. I wished I could fly and join them. I wondered if things were more interesting from above than from my view on the ground. Suddenly, I tracked a wayward wisp as it dove through the air, pulling up just before it crashed through the heads of the people. I almost wished it would. The yelps and screams would be much more entertaining. And it might prove an even better distraction from the one point of the field that I was fighting to not look at.

As if proving my point, my gaze drifted to the far corner of the outdoor dance platform where Rosalind’s team had set up camp. Farah and Ben stood together, arms crossed discussing something together. The real show was Andreas. Everyone seemed to flock to the man. Men, women. Everyone seemed to have something they wanted to say to him, and if they couldn’t speak to him, they at least came within close proximity. He ate it up, laughing loudly, grinning as people gushed over him. Next to him, Saul seemed to share the same attention, albeit much quieter and with a smaller following. He was speaking to a group of people and I ground my teeth watching as a girl, perhaps two years younger than I, sidled up to him, staring up at him in awe.

 _It's the uniform_ , I thought as she looked him over like a prize. _And his face. And his hands. And his eyes. And his everything._

Over the next fifteen minutes my awareness flitted from an attempt to at least appear as if I was attending the royals, to Saul in the corner as the girl seemed to continue to pull at his attention. I tried to tell myself he looked as unhappy as I. But then the girl said something and a smile broke out on his face, the first smile I had seen from him in a long time. It was perfect. My heart shattered when I thought about how that smile was in no way directed at me, that there was no way he was thinking of me at all. I remembered how it felt to be the cause of that smile, how difficult it was sometimes to make it appear at times. And here was this little girl, in a dress shaped like a green pumpkin, having the privilege of that smile beaming at her. Reaching up, I waved my hand in front of my face and blinked my eyes, hoping to stop the tears that were starting to well in the corners.

 _Don’t you dare_ , I scolded myself. _You don’t get to be jealous. You brought this whole fucking mess on yourself. This was your decision, now live with it. Let him go. Move the fuck on._

Out of the corner of my eye I caught Luna and Kennan, making their way down the steps to the dance floor. A hush fell over the party as all attention turned to them. With charming grins and elegant waves, the royal couple moved to the center of the platform, Kennan taking his place behind Luna as she lifted a champagne glass _(that awkward moment when the author accidentally forgets a character is pregnant for a moment)_ filled with what I knew as apple juice.

“Nel,” I called quietly, stopping the serving girl as she walked past carrying flutes of champagne. She held the plate out to me and I took two, nodding my thanks as she walked on. Tipping my head back I downed the first before Luna even had a chance to begin her speech.

“Tonight, we honor the best of our armed forces,” Luna said, turning to Rosalind and her team. The crowd parted as the fairy stepped closer to the dance floor peering up at Luna with a proud look. Behind her, the team lined up and stood at attention, eyes on the queen and no one else. I narrowed my eyes as the girl in the pumpkin dress eyed Saul from behind. Her eyes drifted lower.

_Oh, for fuck’s sa---_

“Your exploits have brought peace to innumerable regions of our realm,” Luna smiled, and I turned my head as her voice was amplified with a hint of magic so that everyone, no matter where they were on the lawn heard her loud and clear. “You have saved countless lives while putting your own at risk.” She looked down at them almost sadly. “Your sacrifice is the sacrifice of your families and loved ones and I trust you know that just as they are proud of you, we,” she gestured to the crowd below, “are undoubtedly in your debt.”

“The war is nearing its end,” Kennan announced proudly as she finished. Farah masked a poorly hidden frown as Rosalind bowed proudly. I tilted my head as Luna mirrored her husband, raising her own glass.

“To our armed forces,” Luna toasted, raising her glass as the crowd echoed her. I raised my glass to mid height, before bringing it down quickly and gulping it down. As everyone around me cheered, I eyed my now empty glass with a sigh.

 _I’m gonna need another,_ I thought as I glanced back at Saul and found pumpkin girl grabbing his arm, leading him to the dance floor. I looked back at my glass. _Or_ m _aybe a few.._. I turned, looking for a serving girl as music began to play and people took to the dance floor.

“Miss Darav,” a man’s voice called for my attention behind me and I stifled a groan. My eyes rolled up to the wisps above and I could hear them laughing at me as I turned.

“Mr. Sitwell,” I greeted with a thin smile as Luna’s chief scribe bowed his head to me.

He raised his chin and looked down his thin nose at me proudly. “I was wondering if perhaps you would care to dance.”

“I’m afraid I’m not much of a dancer,” I said apologetically, turning to look for a server once again, because good lord I needed a drink. Where was Nel?

As I scanned the crowd, Sitwell blustered next to me. “Well, to be quite honest neither am I and yet…”

On the far side of the platform, I found the serving girl in question, waiting on Kennan. She smiled coyly as he set an empty glass on her tray and said something --- most likely something flirtations from the way Nel batted her eyelashes at him. I glanced down at my watch. It was time. Dipping her head, Nel moved past the king and disappeared through the crowd. Kennan’s eye followed her before he quietly stepped away from the dance floor.

“Miss Darav?” Sitwell called my name. Turning to him, I held out my empty champagne glasses. He took them, frowning.

“I’m afraid I’m about to be summoned by the queen,” I told him as I walked off, ignoring the huffs of air and scoffs coming from him. I cocked my head as I skirted around the crowd, watching as the King seemed to duck and hide in plain sight, greeting those he passed with a smile and a quick hello as he inched ever closer to the nearest door. Looking up I spied Nel watching from the shadows of the servant’s entrance, quickly disappearing as she noticed my gaze.

A flash of fire raced over my hand and I grasped my wrist with a gasp. But as quickly as it had hit me, it disappeared. I looked up to find Luna approaching me down a small path through the crowd. I let go of my wrist and bowed. I turned my head and looked up the stairs to the palace and watched Kennan disappear through an open door.

I glanced back at Luna. She had stopped just a few feet away and if I had traced a line from her eyes to whatever she was focusing on, I was 100% sure I’d find it on the door her husband had just fled through. She turned her gaze on me. A coldness shimmered in her eyes for a moment before she moved across the grass, her long burgundy silk train trailing behind her.

“Do it,” she murmured as she walked past me, a grand smile growing on her lips as she approached a group of women on the far side of the room. The coldness had left her and transferred to me. Grinding my teeth, I headed for the door Kennan had disappeared through.

~~~~~~~~

Compared to the party outside, the halls of the palace were silent. With one hand lifting the hem of my skirt, I stalked down the halls searching for my prey, peering down the smaller corridors, listening for any sound that might lead me where I needed to go.

_If I were a married man chasing after a maid ten years younger than me, where would I go?_

I narrowed my eyes as I left the great hall leading to the throne room and headed for the smaller wing of the palace to the east. I turned my head from side to side as I passed by studies, and personal libraries, guest rooms and rooms I had no inkling as to the reason for their existence. I passed no one as I entered a darkened wing. No guards. No attendants. It was almost as if someone had ordered the section cleared.

That was when I heard it. A giggle. Then the giggle turned into a moan. It echoed through the hall propelled by polished stone floors and grand acoustics from the arched ceiling. I breathed in a deep breath not sure what I was about to be walking into. I walked around the corner and it took everything in me not to stop and gawk.

Kennan’s back was to me, pants down around his ankles, his pale as the moon ass on display for all to see. With a bitter regret, I reminded myself this wasn’t my first time seeing it. Nel on the other hand was harder to see, thankfully, but as I glanced between his legs, I could see she was on her knees.

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat, lifting my eyes to the ceiling.

Kennan let out a short moan as he looked over his shoulder before releasing a loud, “Fuck!” Nel’s eyes peeked out from the corner of his knee. She didn’t even say anything. Just pushed herself up, and ran down the hallway, disappearing through a door onto a veranda.

I sighed and turned back as Kennan pulled up his pants quickly. “Come to spy on me again?” he asked bitterly, pulling his belt together with a ferocious tug. Shaking my head, I approached him slowly, moving around him in an arc that grew smaller before I stopped on the other side of him.

I smiled coyly at him, trying to hide my disgust. “Is it spying if what you’re doing is in the middle of a corridor?” I paced back the way I had come, hands on my hips as I let out a sigh.

“Ah, so you mean this is just a happy coincidence.” Kennan turned as I walked past him. I came to a stop once more, this time with my back to him. I looked up at a painting of nude fairies frolicking through a clearing. “This is just like that time last winter when you caught me in the library.” I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to erase the memory of what I’d seen that day --- that day being the reason we were where we were, and why I was about to do what I was about to do. “I’m beginning to think you like following me.”

“You think so?” I questioned after a moment. My voice sounded playful, but for the hint of something sour as I scrunched my nose at the thoughts in my head. I looked back at him. I turned, and set my hands on the table behind me. I looked him up and down. “It’s not a coincidence,” I said, finally. He crossed his arms a smile growing on his face. I fought the urge not to roll my eyes. “I _was_ looking for you.”

Kennan looked down at the small table behind him, a glass of champagne sitting on the edge. He reached for it, took it in hand and took a sip, rolling the liquid through his mouth slowly, as if he was thinking. I arched an eyebrow as I waited. After a moment, he set the glass on the table and stepped towards me a smirk on his lips.

“You were looking for me, were you?”

I hummed, meeting him halfway, tilting my head. His hands groped my waist, pulling me towards him. I ducked away as he tried to kiss me, a laugh leaving him as I looked up at him smirking. Wrapping my fingers around his tie, I tugged him closer. He seemed to like that, his hands dropping further to palm my ass. I leaned forward, reaching up to brush my fingers against his temple.

Misunderstanding my intentions, Kennan pressed his lips to my cheek. Gritting my teeth, I traced a circle over his skin as red light left my finger. He gasped against me suddenly, hot, wet air rushing over my skin. He fell forward, weight resting against me, arms falling to hang down loosely as I rooted through his brain, manipulating parts of his cortex searching for just the right chemical balance. I leaned back and peered up into his eyes. They dilatated until they were so large, they were nearly completely black. I took a deep breath.

_Found it._

“There we go,” I murmured, stepping back, unhooking Kennan’s arms from around my waist as he stared at me in a full daze, appearing as if he’d just drunk an entire cask of wine. He swayed, his balance drifting from side to side as if he were walking along the length of a ship deep in a hurricane. “They’re looking for you at the party,” I whispered in his ear, turning him around to face the door at the end of the hall. “Luna sends her regards.”

The serving girl from before stood at the threshold, crooking her finger. I gave a little push to the center of Kennan’s back and he stumbled towards her in a daze, hands reaching out to her like an infant holding their hands out to catch themselves should they fall. She smiled at him and a pathetic giggle rose from his throat.

“’Ello thereee,” he drawled as he approached her.

She bowed her head and gave a horrible imitation of a curtsey. “Your Majesty,” she breathed, stepping back just out of arm’s length as he finally reached the door. Leaning against the wall, I rolled my eyes as they both disappeared around the corner. I let out a long sigh. My work was done. At least for that night.

Craning my neck from side to side, I turned around tiredly and began to walk down the hall with the intention of reaching my rooms as quickly as possible and divesting myself of the painful shoes pinching my toes. And washing my face. And body. Pretty much anywhere that man had touched me.

With a sigh, I stretched my arms up, rolling my back as I walked down the hall. My eyes blinked blearily, a sense of exhaustion washing over me. I was so preoccupied with the thought of relaxing, that I almost didn’t notice the shadow pressed against the wall. At least not until it moved. And when it did I stopped. At first, I thought maybe it was my imagination. Then I realized it was a man. My eyes widened as my stomach dropped. My voice croaked in my throat.

“Saul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE REACHED 100 KUDOS!!
> 
> You guuuuys <3\. When I started writing this I thought I'd be lucky to get 20 people to slap the sexy kudos button by the time the book was done. But 100 of you??? I'm really honored and I feel so loved. 
> 
> Thanks for making my day. Like seriously that was so exciting to wake up to this morning. I hope my chapters give your days a little something to get excited about in return. 
> 
> And those of you who are leaving comments, please know that I really appreciate them. You give me motivation to write because I can't imagine doing this without someone to discuss things with. 
> 
> Keep safe and keep being awesome.  
> -Hannah


	14. Part Two The Past | Chapter 10 of 13 SMUT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Endra and Saul talk. I don't wanna spoil anything but... holds up sign with warning for a lot of smut. I may have gotten carried away writing this. This is like PURE FILTH and I am not sorry, because I have had this scene half written all week and we're finally here so just skip it if you don't wanna read it. T_T

Saul didn’t seem surprised to have run into me as he glared at me and pointed to the open door behind me. “What was that?” he asked.

I gathered my thoughts and walked past him. “Nothing. The king just needed a breath of fresh air.”

Saul fell into step behind me. “So, you followed him _inside_?” he asked.

I stopped. I turned and looked up at him. “You followed me?”

He blinked, mouth agape. “I wanted to talk to you,” he said, brow furrowing with sudden anger. “I didn’t think I’d find you…” he looked down at the ground searching for his next few words very carefully, “… _charming_ the King of Solaria.”

I rolled my eyes and turned away, walking once again. _Of course, that’s what he thinks happened._ “I can charm who I want, Saul. You’re lucky. You could have walked in and found someone doing more than laying on the charm.” I shuddered at the memory of walking in on Nel… servicing Kennan.

Saul said nothing back as I turned down a small hallway. I almost would have thought he’d stopped following if not for the soft pat of his footsteps mimicking mine. We stepped through a door at the end of the corridor and made our way down a twisted staircase. At the bottom we came to a familiar white door. My door.

Flinging open the door to my room, I stepped inside, not bothering to hold the door open for Saul. I turned around as the door creaked shut behind me and the lock latched. Saul’s gaze tore away from me for a moment as he peered around the study that also doubled as my bedroom. The walls were lined with overfilled bookcases, a desk in one corner and a bed in the other. I reached up and pulled the pins from my hair, tossing them onto the desk until my scalp was free and curls fell over my shoulders. I glanced at Saul, his gaze hard and fiery as if he was fighting to not yell at me.

“Do you have any idea what the Queen would do if she found out? You _seduced_ her husband,” he all but hissed, pointing to the door like Luna might walk through any moment.

My mouth dropped open for a moment as I looked up at him, knowing I had let his misunderstanding go far enough. “She already knows,” I hissed back. “She ordered me to do it because it was her idea in the first place.”

Saul’s face scrunched up first in confusion, then disgust. “What?” He shook his head. “Why?”

“Because this is not the first time, he’s been found… doing things with people he shouldn’t,” I told him. “She just wants to embarrass him. It’s childish payback and she’s using me to do it. Which I’m sure is not what Farah thought she was training me for back at Alfea, but hey,” I held up my left wrist and pulled down the sleeve to show my marks, “you do what the owner of your contract tells you to.”

“That’s---"

With a groan I glared over at him, wishing he would stop trying to talk to me about this of all things. Didn’t we have something else we could discuss? “This isn’t even the first time, Saul. Your concern is noted but unwanted.”

“But not unwarranted,” he said, crossing his arms across his chest.

We stared at one another for a few moments. I hated how he looked at me, brows raised, eyes wide as if he was staring down a child. My arms wrapped over my chest as I refused to look away first. Or tried to refuse. After a minute or so I let out a sigh.

“Just leave, Saul,” I said, turning away and leaning over my desk, acting as if I was searching for something. I wasn’t really, but he didn’t need to know that.

“No.”

I straightened up and turned my head. “Leave,” I said again. “I don’t want to discuss…” I wave my hands at the space between us, “ _this._ ”

Saul shook his head and reached for the chair next to him. Picking it up he set it in front of the door and sat down. “It’s only been a year,” he said, crossing his arms. “I still have questions, and I _need_ answers.”

I set a hand on the desk, and leaned against it, while my other hand settled on my waist. “Yes, it has been a whole year. But just now you seemed more concerned that I was here whoring myself out to the king while his pregnant wife watches on. If you wanted to discuss _us_ you could have asked anytime in the past day and a half.”

Saul’s head bowed forward as he leaned in his chair. “Endra…”

“Don’t ‘Endra’ me,” I said, turning back to my work table. I put as much venom into my voice as I possibly could. “Make this easier on the both of us, Saul, and just leave. Please, it’s not that hard. I should know.”

“Stop it,” he said, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stand. I focused on the blank piece of paper in front of me and pretended to read it.

“Stop what?”

“Stop acting like you don’t care. It’s immature and a bad look on you.”

“You’re imagining things,” I breathed. “I’m not pretending, Saul. I don’t care. I haven’t for a long time.” A hand that wasn’t mine appeared in my vision and I jumped back from the table. Saul stood next to me and I gaped. How had he crossed the room so fast?

“I’ve seen how you look at me. Last night in the throne room, this afternoon in the courtyard, tonight…” he trailed off and I held my breath in mortification. Had he seen me watching him? With a deep breath Saul’s gaze dropped to my lips. “Your mouth can tell all the lies it wants, but your eyes will always tell me the truth.” He held his hand out to me. “I haven’t forgotten you for a second. And I may not know what is going on, I may not know your past but I know you and I know that I can’t stand to be without you another minute.”

“Saul,” I murmured, closing my eyes for a moment before looking up at him after a moment. The words I knew I needed to say weighed heavily on my tongue. Pain twisted through my stomach as I finally said them. “I made my choice and I am doing my best to live with it. Please don’t make this any harder for me.”

Saul’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Harder for _you_?” he scoffed. “What about me, Endra? I’m the one who was left behind.”

“Yes,” I said, raising my voice, and a sudden wave of anger washed over me. “And most people would take that as a hint.”

Saul rolled his eyes and stepped back, turning his body so that his back faced me. “Well, I hate hints. If you want me to leave tell me plainly.”

I blinked. “I asked you to leave two times tonight!” With a groan I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Saul, I know you’re angry---”

“I just want to know why,” he said.

I shook my head as he turned and looked at me. “Saul, I don’t owe you an explanation, I just…” I waved my hand to the door, “need you to leave.”

Saul held up his hands in front of him, palms facing me. As if he was trying to show me, he was unarmed and no real threat, he stepped back. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything. But can’t you see that I _need_ to know? I’m desperate. You want me to forget you --- us, but I can’t do that because every piece of me is constantly questioning what happened, what I should have done to help you, what I have to do to be with you again. It’s been a year and the feelings I have for you are just as fresh as they were when I kissed you for the first time.”

Silence. In that moment, he looked as broken as I felt. As my insides churned in pain, his face grew pale, eyes wavering. I turned aside, unable to look at him anymore as a well of emotion threatened to spill out into the air. I bit my lip so hard I was sure I would break skin. The silence dragged on.

“Please say something. It’s killing me, Endra.” He took a breath. “I know you want nothing to do with me, but please just help me understand.”

“I don’t have a reason, Saul. Not a definitive one.” He didn’t move as I faced him fully. I looked down at my hand on the desk, and watched as if formed a fist pressing hard against the wood. “I have stupid things I say to trick myself into feeling like I had no choice but to leave you like I did ---” I looked up and began spouting all the lies I had repeated to myself over and over, “18 years would be too long and we could never be together truly or that we’re too young to feel this way, or how you deserved better than what I could ever give you, and that maybe I didn’t really love you.” I shook my head, and smiled through my tears as his eyes widened. I must have looked insane. “I have no explanation for you, because just as not knowing the reasons why has hurt you, killed you, knowing that I made the worst mistake of my life has killed me daily. I hurt you. I told you I would forget you, forget us.” I shuddered. I clenched my teeth, breathing through them before looking up at him. “I lied.”

Saul’s hands fell to his sides as he took a tentative step towards me. “I know,” he said, as he took another step, then another until he was just out of reach. “You’re a horrible liar, Endra. But I _still_ love you.”

I gasped as tears pricked at my vision. My chest heaved with breath after burning breath. I glanced at his hands, then refocused on his face. “How can you still care?” I whispered. “Don’t you hate me?”

I was sure he did. He was supposed to. That was the logical reaction to a lover leaving without reason or a goodbye. I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought about what we had almost been once. Lovers.

“Am I pissed off at you?” he asked, staring down at me as he moved closer, until his face was just above mine. He chuckled hoarsely and flashed a smile of disbelief, before giving a nod. “Yes. And honestly, I’m not sure I can trust you again. But I could never hate you.”

My heart cracked at his words. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as he leaned down. “I’m so sorry, Saul. I was wrong---" But any other apologies I might have made were silenced as he kissed me.

Tears leaked from beneath my closed eyelids as I breathed against his skin, taking in the feeling of him again for the first time in far too long. It was a touch I thought I’d never feel again. I stumbled back as he pressed forward, until my hips hit the edge of the desk.

We stopped moving, with nowhere else to go. Breaking away for just a moment, Saul lifted me up the few inches needed and set me down atop the table, and then his lips were on mine once again. My hands were everywhere. In his hair, against his chest, slipping under his uniform. Gripping the hem of his shirt, I pulled it up as he clutched his collar and heaved it over his head, dropping it to the floor gracelessly.

His fingers slipped through the slit along my leg, hiking my skirt up as he moved to settle between my thighs. I nipped at his jaw, pulling him back to face me so I could kiss him. I reached down, blindly fumbling with his belt buckle, the back of my hand rubbing over him. I pursed my lips as he groaned. He reached down, helping me undo his belt. The second it was gone, I unbuttoned his pants and slid my hand down his toned belly and under the waistband. Warm, hardening heat filled my palm. I curled my fingers around him as he slid the arm of my dress off my shoulder, licking at the exposed skin.

“Have you done this before?” he asked, breathless, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as he looked down at me. I shook my head and rubbed my thumb against the head of his cock as he pressed open mouthed kisses along my jaw. I kept my hand moving against him, teasing him as he moved down my neck to bite at my collarbone.

I knew what he was trying to ask. I had told him before I left Alfea that I had never been with anyone. Ever. Now he was questioning if I’d been with anyone since then and I could hear a thread of jealousy in that question, threatening to snap. I didn’t bother asking him the same. I knew he had done this before we’d even met and I really didn’t want to think any deeper on him fucking someone other than me.

Releasing a heavy groan, Saul’s hand suddenly wrapped around my wrist, pulling my hand out of his pants. I reached out for him instinctively and he grabbed my hands, keeping them above his waist as he leaned back, tilting his head to look up at the rafters as he caught his breath. I hardly blinked as his gaze fell slowly after half a minute, his eyes shining in the light from the blue glass window.

“Do you not…?” I trailed off as he blinked his eyes, pupils blown wide. _Do you not want me?_

Saul frowned before finally guessing what I was asking. “No, I do,” he said, reaching up setting his hands on either side of my head, framing my cheeks with long his fingers. “I do, love,” he repeated, kissing my quickly, pecking at my lips before letting his arms fall around me, pulling me into a tight hug. I snaked my arms round his waist and held him tightly. “I just,” he sighed against my ear pressing his cheek to mine, “I’d like to cum _after_ you’re naked and writhing against me. Not before. And not from just your hand.”

A fresh sense of heat caressed the back of my spine as his words settled over me. Excitement tossed and turned in my belly. Leaning back, I pressed my hands against his shoulders. “Then you should let me get up,” I told him as I tried to slide off the table. He pushed me back grabbed my legs. I stopped, one foot on the ground, the other leg pulled up towards his hip.

“Wait,” he ordered. My eyes followed him as he lowered himself to kneel on the ground. I pushed myself up and watched as his hand disappeared beneath the fabric of my skirt, his rough palm running up the inside of my smooth thigh. It pulled away for a moment before I felt him rubbing against me through my underwear pressing up and cupping my sex.

“Saul,” I whined, bristling at the contact, my thighs closing instinctively. His free hand came up, keeping me open. He turned his head and kissed the inside of my knee, lips mouthing against me followed by a quick lick of his hot tongue.

“Shh,” he whispered against my skin, a shiver running through me at the feel of his breath. His eyes drifted up to meet mine. “Trust me, Endra.” I was still for a moment, the only movement in the way Saul’s gaze moved over my face. I nodded and let my legs relax. “That’s my girl.” 

Reaching up with both hands, he fingered the waistband of my panties, pulling them down as I rose up on my hands, letting them slide under my bum, watching breathlessly as he rolled them down my legs. Saul tossed them to the floor to join his shirt--- a soon to be growing pile of clothes. He turned back to me and moved forward, pushing my skirt higher. My eyes drifted up not sure where to look or even if I wanted to.

The tendons in my legs tightened as his mouth pressed against me, tongue licking up and down. I gasped at the feeling and gripped the edge of the table as I bucked against him, terrified that if I didn’t hold onto something I would fall. A finger pressed inside me and I keened finally looking down, his name falling in heavy pants of breath. He pulled back for a moment and looked up at me, licking his lips before moving forward and starting over once again.

“God,” I dropped my head back in a cry, eyes staring up at the rafters.

The room spun. My belly tightened as a new sensation built up from between my legs, like a string being pulled tighter and tighter until it would finally snap. Then everything stopped. The feeling died down to a throb and the fingers inside me pulled away as I whined at the loss.

I looked down as Saul rose up from the floor and ducked his head to the side kissing me quickly. An unfamiliar taste traveled from his tongue to mine as my fingers slid up the back of his neck, tangling in his hair. His hands slid underneath my hips, lifting me up and my legs encircled his waist as I left the table. I pulled away from his kiss and looked around in confusion, before realizing he was walking backwards to the bed.

“Don’t you dare drop me,” I warned him as I clung to him.

Saul chuckled in my ear. “Didn’t even consider it… until you said that.” As the backs of his legs hit the mattress we rushed down and I felt him push up against me as the new position allowed our hips to grind against one another.

Reaching between us, I gripped the hem of my dress and pulled it up, the scratchy material rubbing against my skin. I sighed as Saul helped me pull it over my head, and let it drop to the floor. He reached up, cupping my breasts, running his thumb over the silky fabric of my bra, which quickly followed my dress to the floor.

I was fully bare. I was in his lap. In his arms. His hands ran up and down my body and all I could think of was him. His skin against mine, the scratch of his unshaved cheek against mine. The pressure of him made itself known beneath me, his length still trapped away in his trousers.

The world spun as he pushed me over and onto my back. I sat up on my elbows and the sudden sight of myself had me sitting up fully, wrapping my arms around myself, pulling my legs up, trying to hide in plain sight. I glanced at Saul as he stood up from the bed, back turned, pushing his pants down, kicking them away. When he turned around to face me, I forgot to breathe for a moment. I remembered the feel of him in my hand, but now he looked bigger than what I had imagined. Swallowing a quick breath, I looked away as the heat of embarrassment bloomed across my face.

The bed dipped and I fidgeted as his arms moved around me. He nuzzled his nose against my temple as I leaned against him.

“We can wait,” he said and I shook my head, turning to face him. “I’ll always---"

“No,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. “I don’t want to wait anymore, Saul.” Clicking his tongue, he leaned forward, pressing me back into the pillows behind me. I set a hand against his cheek as he climbed over me. “I love you,” I whispered. I pulled him down and kissed him. “I love you,” I insisted again and again, as I moved from his lips, “I love you,” then to his cheek before resting against the side of his jaw. “I love you, Saul.”

He placed a hand by my head and pulled back, peering down at me and I swear the image of his eyes was burned into my mind at that moment.

“I love you too, Endra.”

He bowed his head and kissed along my chest as I ran my fingers through his hair. Reaching down between us, his fingers returned to my still wet core and I ground against him hoping that feeling from before would come back soon. My knees pressed against his sides and I let out a small whine as his fingers disappeared. His grey eyes glanced at me as a smirk grew on his face.

“Don’t play with me,” I sighed, setting a hand on his arm as he straightened up, resting back on his knees. I glanced down my body and found him running his other hand up and down his length. My eyes flitted to his face. That same amused look was still present. “Saul…” I called his name frowning as he continued moving his hand. “Hurry up.”

With a hiss, he bowed back down over me chuckling. “Alright, alright,” he said as my hands gripped his shoulders. The presence of something bigger than his finger pressed against my center and I stiffened. Saul’s eyes traveled up from where his skin met mine and looked down at me, raising a brow in question. I nodded to him and he took a deep breath.

It didn’t hurt when he first pushed inside me, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable. It was strange and unfamiliar. A sudden stretch in places where I hadn’t been touched before as he moved deeper and deeper. Small pants of air fluttered past my lips as my mind seemed convinced that I needed to pull away.

Finally, Saul stopped moving and I quaked around him, not sure if being still was any better. He peered down at me, waiting --- not patiently, if the way his brow wrinkled was anything to go by, but kindly as if he knew I was a split second from pushing him away. His warm hand rubbed along my side as his other held on tightly to my hip. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes after a moment, letting out a sigh, hips jerking slightly every now and then before he would bring himself back under control. Slowly, my breaths fell into a synced rhythm with his fingers as they traveled up, and down.

 _Don’t make him wait anymore_ , a voice said somewhere deep inside me.

I reached up and placed my hand against his cheek, pulling him down to meet me in a full kiss as my free hand slipped under his arm and gripped his back.

“End---ahh.” He moved closer letting out a groan as I flexed beneath him experimentally moving my hips. A similar sound left me as he moved even deeper into me and tears pricked the corner of my eyes. He started to move, pulling away from me, rising onto his knees, pressing into me before slowly dragging himself out. A curse slipped free of his lips as his hands fell to my hips, his eyebrows dipping as he gasped and groaned.

I closed my eyes as soft cries left me. It was starting to feel different, good at certain particular thrusts but it was inconsistent and I found myself writhing under him hoping we would find our rhythm sooner rather than later. I thought about letting one hand drift down between us, letting my fingers assist and give myself the pleasure I had brought myself before on nights I had been alone. Many times before. But something stopped me. I had the idiotic idea that maybe he would find it rude or offensive as if I was only supposed to feel good because of him not _with_ him.

“Here,” he panted suddenly, and I opened my eyes.

He reached down, taking my hand and pulling it down until I touched wet skin, the pads of my fingers finding the familiar part of myself that I knew intimately. Setting his palm over the back of my hand he pressed down. I ground against my hand and moaned as he moved slightly deeper my walls squeezing around him. It all felt beyond my control. I looked up at him, embarrassment clouding my head as I found him watching me, his lips parted, eyes slightly hooded. His gaze seemed to pierce my skin and I bit my lip.

“Good?” he asked, voice low as if he already knew the answer. I turned my head, pressing my cheek into the pillow, trying to avoid his gaze in some fashion. My fingers rose up to rest below my belly button but they didn’t stay there for long as Saul’s hand dragged mine back down and I closed my eyes as he repeated his earlier action, this time moving his hips again. “It’s okay, love, touch yourself.”

Slipping his arm beneath my leg, he pulled it up and set to chasing his own pleasure. I moved my fingers and closed my eyes focusing on the feeling of him, the feeling of me. Us. The room was filled with the sounds of us and the scent of us. The air was heavy with our heat. My body curled in on itself as a wave of pleasure built inside me, and I craned my head looking between us as my body shook against him. I arched back, speeding my fingers along my free hand rising to grip my breast, pinching my nipple. I released cry after cry, moan after moan.

The live wire inside me finally snapped. My head thrashed as I groaned, my fingers rubbing in circles against myself, hips moving without my control. I gasped out as it ended, shocks of pleasure running up my spine as a tired, hazy, happy fog eclipsed my mind. Saul kept moving inside me, breath hitching before he slipped out, falling over me with one hand holding his weight as the other fell to grasp himself. Quick, slick sounds filled the room as I began to catch my breath and Saul moaned. I reached up, running my palms over his chest, staring up at him as his eyes squinted closed. I leaned up, kissing along his jaw, stopping just at my lips reached his ear.

“Come on, baby, please,” I whispered, glancing down between us as his hand moved even faster. I laid back down, hands still roaming over his torso. “Cum for me, Saul.”

A few seconds later, Saul leaned forward, pressing the top of his head into my shoulder with a groan as something wet splashed over my stomach. I stared up at the ceiling a soft smile on my face as I ran my fingers through is hair as he finished, his hot breath blasting over my skin. When he came back to himself, he lifted his head and looked up at me quickly, before looking down at the evidence of his climax.

“Fuck, I’m sorry---” he broke off, leaning back quickly, pushing himself away from me and climbing off the bed.

I sat up on my elbows and watched as he raced to the bathroom. I glanced down at my belly and bit back a laugh. Water ran in the sink and half a minute later he was back, holding a washcloth out to me. I smiled awkwardly as I took the cloth and began to wipe myself off. Swallowing he dropped his gaze to the side, and I did the same, not sure where to look or what to say. Turning his back to me, he grabbed his boxers. The scent of sex and sweat filled my nose as I sat up.

 _I need more than just a wet washcloth_ , I decided peering over at the bathroom.

Pulling my hair over one shoulder, I slipped out of the bed quietly, as Saul pulled on his underwear. He turned around quickly as I walked behind him. 

“Endra?” he called. I glanced back at him as I stopped at the bathroom door. He stared at me as if my walking across the threshold might mean he’d never see me again.

“I’ll be back,” I told him as I stepped inside and shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* Well.. *Avoids gaze* 
> 
> I'mma go work on midterms now. 
> 
> Probably won't post till Sunday.


	15. Part Two The Past | Chapter 11 of 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whole lotta talking going on.

I glanced at myself in the mirror as I threw my towel on its hook and grabbed my bathrobe. I wrapped the soft black cotton garment around me, tying it closed. The scent of soap filled my nose and I sighed as I pulled my hair out from its makeshift bun, letting my locks fall over my shoulders in tumbling waves.

I looked to the door and a sense of disquiet enveloped me. I set my hands over the sink and bowed my head thoughts racing. We’d said a lot before… _things_ happened. But we hadn’t said enough. The thought of the conversation waiting for me made me want to run. My eyes drifted up to the mirror.

_It’s Saul. You want this. Suck it up and work for it. Don’t let him go again._

Pushing myself back I spun and faced the door. I took one deep, deep breath and wrapped my fingers around the steam slicked handle, twisted and pulled. The lower lighting of my study was hard to adjust to first as I walked out from the brightly lit bath. Saul looked up from the table with a start, his eyes finding mine before drifting over the rest of my body as if he was trying to make sure I was really there, not an apparition. I glanced over him, finding him fully clothed once more, boots and all.

I gestured to his clothes as he stood up. “Are you…?” I trailed off looking to the door.

Saul followed my gaze, glanced down at himself, then looked back to the door, then back at me. “Wha--- oh no,” he said sheepishly glancing around the room, “unless you want me to leave?” he asked. I shook my head and his shoulders relaxed from their tense position. “I just… didn’t feel right sitting around naked.” As he finished, he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Good,” I said nodding my head and he raised his eyebrows. _Shit._ I stammered out quickly trying to explain what I really meant. “I-I mean not the naked thing, I don’t care--- be as naked as you want,” I widened my eyes as I realized what I’d just said. Saul stifled a laugh and I found myself trying to dig my way out of a hole, only to find I was burying myself. “I just, god, I mean the uniform is fine and you look good and I’m trying to say I’m glad you’re still here but I’ll just stop talking now.”

Closing my eyes, I turned away and grabbed a glass off the top of my desk. I reached for the near empty pitcher and emptied it into my glass. Saul chuckled behind me. As I took a sip of water, I glanced over my shoulder. He had sat back down at the table, arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me. Noticing my gaze, he cocked his head.

“I was worried,” he said and I mirrored him as I turned around. “When you ran into the bathroom, I was worried that you regretted…” he trailed off, eyes drifting over to the bed of rumpled pillows, sheets and blankets. The memory of his heat against me, inside me --- the memory of how close we had finally been after waiting so long washed over me and I shook my head. I carried my glass and headed for the seat opposite him.

“I don’t regret it. Do you?” I asked as I sat down. Saul’s head shook from left to right and he reached out setting his hand palm up on the table. I glanced down at it for a moment before placing my hand in his. I looked over his face, taking in his soft grey eyes, slightly crazy hair courtesy of my hands having run through it again and again. “We need to talk, don’t we?” I asked finally, quietly, eyes dropping to our hands as a slight pressure wrapped around my fingers. I looked back up at Saul.

“I want to,” he nodded his head, “but I understand if you’re not ready.”

I swallowed, and moved my hand under his, as my free hand slid across the table, before playing with his long, fingers, the pad of my thumb circling the callouses from years of holding all kinds of weapons. I took a deep breath.

“I want to tell you,” I whispered eyes flashing up at him, “everything. I want this to work --- us. I want there to be an us and I know you said you don’t know if you can trust me again---”

Saul shook his head. “Endra, you don’t have to---"

“No, no I do. And I know telling you the truth won’t fix things tonight and you might not even believe me, but I also know I have to start somewhere. I just… the things I have to tell you are seriously fucked, Saul.” I shook my head as he grasped my hand.

“Then tell me the easy things first,” he said, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. “Tell me the things we never talked about that don’t hurt you to tell. Endra, I can wait for the big confessions. I can wait. I don’t care what you tell me, just that you feel safe sharing it with me so I can support you instead of you bearing the weight all on your own.”

“I have no idea where to start.”

“You could start at the beginning. Tell me about your parents?” he asked. I winced and he hissed in a breath. “Not one of the easy things is it?”

I shook my head back and forth. “I don’t really like to talk about them,” I said quietly.

“I get that,” Saul said, nodding his head and I instantly felt like an ass. “You know how my dad died,” he looked down, his free hand morphing slowly into a fist. He looked over at me and flattened his palm against the table with a sigh. “You don’t have to tell me about them,” he gestured to the room around us then to my wrist, “but help me understand this.”

I turned my head and looked at the bookshelf next to me. I scanned the books, looking for nothing in particular as I weighed my options. After a moment of contemplation, I turned back to him. He sat patiently, running his index finger round and round a knot on the table. _Just rip it off like a band aid._

 _“_ Luna wasn’t the original owner of my contract,” I said finally.

Saul’s eyebrows rose in surprise at the topic I’d chosen but he rolled with it. He glanced at our hands.

“You make it sound like she owns _you_.”

“She kinda does. It’s somewhere in between indentured service and slavery. I am well provided for so it’s not that horrible.”

His jaw clenched and he fingered the marks circling my wrist. “And these?”

I nodded. “I owe 18 years, which is a rip off because I was only taken care of for 16 years – and these are the symbol of our agreement. They also give the owner of the contract the ability to… make me do things.” I sat back in my chair pulling my hands away from him as I crossed one knee over the other and waited for his next question.

“Why?” he asked shaking his head. “You’re a healer, which I know is rare, but she could have just given you a job.”

“I can do more than just heal people, Saul.”

He nodded as I took a sip of water. “The burned one. You tore through its skin.”

I turned the glass in my hands focusing on the way the water conformed to each side. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. _Just tell him._

“My parents aren’t dead,” I said finally. “Or at least they weren’t the last I heard,” I said, taking a deep breath. “They gave me up. When I was two, my powers manifested suddenly and I nearly killed my mother. The family cat didn’t survive.” I pulled my gaze away from the glass as I put in on the table. Saul sat unmoving save for a slight turn of his head as he looked me over. “I was two,” I repeated, just to be sure he wasn’t thinking I was some sociopath. “I’ve killed no animals since.”

Saul held up his hands and bowed his head. “I’m just listening, Endra. No judgement.”

I continued. “My parents didn’t know what to do with me.” Tilting my head back, I sighed. “They must have been terrified of me. I don’t remember but I heard my one of my tutors talking about how they sought out numerous specialists but no one knew how to fix me.” I took another sip of water before continuing. “And then Luna’s mother heard the stories and sought them out.”

“Queen Theia.”

I clicked my tongue at her name and shook my head. “Long story short, she offered to take me off their hands. They said yes and forged a contract.” I looked down at my wrist a feeling of disgust building inside me. “Theia would raise and provide for me for until I was 18 years old and then I would serve another 18 in repayment.” I crossed my arms. “But she wasn’t interested in my ability to heal so much as the control I have over the human body, the ability to harm. She… was not a kind woman.” I ground my teeth as I remembered the pain, she would unleash on my nerves through the contract mark whenever I failed. “When I couldn’t control my powers proficiently, she sent me to Alfea early. Which turned out to be a godsend.”

Saul leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “And we met.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Ah, you’re skipping things,” I said. “I was placed with Farah my first year at Alfea. She fixed me, taught me to control my powers and use them how I wanted, but not before Theia died.” I smirked. “I’m almost sorry I didn’t get to show the old bitch I’m good at more then just making cats explode.”

“It exploded?”

“I don’t remember, but that’s what I imagine happened every time I think of it.” I looked up as he pressed his hand over his mouth. “Don’t laugh at me, Saul.”

His shoulders shook and he dropped his hand to his knee. “I’m sorry, I just --- I don’t even know why I think that’s funny.”

I sighed yet despite myself, I felt a small smile playing on my lips. “Do you want to know more, or are we going to get hung up on the cat?”

Saul shook his head and settled back in his chair, laughter dying down. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Continue.”

I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head as my smile disappeared. “Theia wanted me to use my powers to clear political obstacles. It was all she ever talked about as I was growing up.”

“Obstacles?”

I looked down at my lap, and lifted a hand waving it to one side. “A heart attack here, a stroke there. I can even play with a person’s chemical balances to make them feel so intoxicated they embarrass themselves in front of their entire court.”

Saul nodded his head as understanding flashed over his face. “That’s what you did to Kennan.” I took another sip of water. “But that hurts Luna just as much as it hurts Kennan.”

“Does it?” I asked back. “She’s almost ready to give birth to the next heir and Kennan has been weeding his way towards her throne ever since she took it. She doesn’t need him and they were never a love match.”

“She’s setting him up for divorce,” Saul breathed.

I shook my head. “He’s set himself up already. She’s just making sure there are witnesses.” I sighed. “I’m honestly surprised she just hasn’t had me kill him for her.”

Saul blinked. “Have you…” I could imagine the thought rattling its way through his brain. Had I killed anyone yet?

“No.” I crossed my arms across my chest tightly. “Not yet. I thought with Theia dead that I was free, but she transferred ownership of my contract to Luna right before she died. The magic is ancient and no one knows much about it. But Luna is slowly figuring out all the ins and outs of the contract. I don’t even know the full extent of it, just that each trick she finds to control me is… unpleasant. She uses me to get back at her husband because that’s as far as her imagination goes,” I said before adding, “for now.”

“That’s…”

“Fucked,” I finished for him, nodding my head. “I’m fucked. This whole thing is fucked.” Saul stood up and walked to the far wall, thinking, hands going to his head. I stood up feeling as if I’d been punched in the gut. “I told you the things I’m sharing are insane.” Saul turned on his heel and paced to the opposite side of the room, saying nothing. I pressed my fingers into my side as my stomach cramped up. “If you want to leave…”

Saul stopped. He turned and looked at me with wide eyes. “No,” he said.

“Saul…”

He crossed the room, nearly crashing into me as he threw his arms around me. “I just got you back, I’m not leaving. It’s just a lot.”

I slipped my hands between us and pushed against his back, leaning away so I could look into his eyes. His hands cupped my face as I shook my head. “If it’s a lot now, how can you hope to handle it if I…” My lip trembled and I couldn’t find it in myself to say the words roaring in the back of my mind. “If I become…”

_A murderer._

_A monster._

Saul shook his head. “You are a good person even with your flaws. And right now, you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened, something that may never happen. Luna---"

“--- is so much like her mother, Saul,” I cut him off as I gripped his biceps. “I see it more and more every day.” My fingers ran over his collar tracing the line between this skin and the fabric of his uniform. We stood in silence then and I felt the beginnings of exhaustion start to creep through me. I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder as he continued to hold me. We swayed to silent music.

“Do you remember that night we slept in the infirmary after that training simulation knocked me unconscious?” Saul asked quietly.

I peered up at him. “You mean the night _you_ slept. I couldn’t bear it. And for the record that sim broke your arm, gave you a concussion and nearly eviscerated you.”

Saul chuckled. “Let’s not get into the details. What I’m trying to say is I remember hearing you arguing with Professor Blaine when he told you to go back to your dorm. You refused. You sat down next to me and spent the entire night by my side from dusk till dawn.” He looked down at me and ran the backs of his fingers against my cheek. “I want to do that for you.”

It struck me then what he was saying, where he was going with all this. I straightened up, my eyes falling to stare at the center of his chest. My mouth felt dry and welling up in my stomach were bubbles of… excitement? Anxiety? Both?

“18 years is a lot longer than one night, Saul.”

His arms tightened around me as he smiled softly. “But if you don’t leave, and I don’t leave then we’re together.”

My face relaxed into a dull expression. “You’re leaving in two days.”

Saul cut his eyes down at me and frowned. “You know exactly what I mean, Endra Darav.” He broke into a smile as I rolled my eyes and stepped back, my hand slowly trailing down his torso until I was out of his arms. I nodded my head in admittance.

“I do,” I said as I stepped over to the bed. I sat down and looked up at him. “And I know that having this conversation once, when I feel like I’m about to fall over, isn’t going to solve any of the big questions I have about the what-ifs.”

Saul crossed his arms and nodded. “Should we table it for now?”

“Please,” I hummed as I scooted back on the bed, leaving enough space between myself and the edge for another person. We stared at each other. “Stay with me?” I asked. Without a word, Saul kicked off his boots and walked over to the bed, pulling up the covers as he slipped in beside me. I moved closer, laying my hand on his abdomen as his arm curled around me. I felt warm. I felt safe. We laid there, neither one of us saying anything as his free hand laid over mine, fingers tracing over my skin. There were many more things we needed to talk about but in that moment, the silence felt comfortable. 

Ever so slowly, my eyes drifted closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to explain some things. I head canon that: 
> 
> The Solarian throne is passed from Queen to Queen not King to King. 
> 
> That Luna learned to be a right proper bag of dirt from somewhere. 
> 
> See ya later!


	16. Part Two The Past | Chapter 12 of 14

I remember being warm. I remember Saul’s arms holding me tightly as I drifted through the rolling waves of a shallow sleep. I remember the feeling of flames licking at my skin.

My eyes opened with a start as I gasped in pain, first peering up at the ceiling above me before diving down to peer at my body. No smoke tickled my nose, no fiery flames covered me. With a groan I sat up cradling my arm as the pain dashed from nerve to nerve and back again. My mind was sure that I was on fire, begging me to do something, anything to make the agony stop. I bit back a groan and shuddered. Whether I actually made a sound or my movement rocked him from his sleep, I wasn’t sure, as Saul’s arms moved around me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked glancing at my arm looking for some sign of what was causing me so much pain.

“Luna’s summoning me,” I breathed out, leaning against him, shaking my head. “I have to go,” I told him. Saul pulled away from me, and slipped out of the bed. I set my feet on the floor and stood, reaching down for my uniform and picking it up from the chair I had thrown it over. I glanced at the clock finding the time to be a quarter till midnight. The party was most likely dying down by now. Luna probably needed another dose of magic to quell any aches.

“Is it like this every time?” Saul asked behind me. I looked over my shoulder as my hands undid the knot of my robe.

“Yes.” I flashed my eyes at Saul as I gestured to my clothes. He turned around. With his back to me, I quickly threw off my robe, pulled on my pants and jacket as fast as I could the brush of fabric sending more pain up my arm. I ground my teeth and whined as I finished buttoning up. _Shoes. I need shoes._ Turning around, I spied my boots in the corner by the door. I moved past Saul as he pulled his own boots on.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going with you.”

I shook my head as I stooped down and pulled on my boots. “No, there’s no need, Saul. It’s probably nothing --- Kennan’s most likely done more damage than she anticipated. I can handle it---"

The sound of footsteps in the stairwell drew my attention first. I stood up and held my hand up to Saul as a heavy pounding knock came from the door. I stepped to the side as Saul moved closer to the wall so he was out of view from the entryway. I pulled the handle and opened the door a crack as someone pounded their fist against it again.

“I’m coming, you don’t have to wake the dead,” I said as I looked out at the young scribe. His face was flushed, forehead slick with sweat. I looked down at the front of his white uniform, taking in the red bloodstains.

“A burned one attacked the party,” he said hoarsely. “Mr. Sitwell is dead, the king is injured. H-her Majesty is waiting for you in their chambers.”

I blinked as my mouth went dry. “What happened to the burned one?”

“It escaped. Mistress Rosalind and her team are hunting it.” A sharp hiss came from behind the door as Saul breathed and I tightened my grip on the wood. The scribe didn’t seem to hear him. “You need to come now, the Queen---”

“I’m coming, tell her I’m coming, I just need to get some things,” I told him. He didn’t move. “Go,” I ordered a bit more harshly. He scurried back and dashed up the steps as I closed the door. I turned to Saul. “You heard everything?” He nodded as I rushed over to my stock of herbs.

“It must be the one we brought in. There’s no way a burned one would just stumble into the palace. But how did it get loose?”

“Maybe they just really wanted to crash a party,” I said as I looked over my supplies. “Fuck,” I said.

“What?”

“I don’t have enough Zanbaq,” I looked over to find him frozen by the door. “It spoils too easily for me to really keep a good stock of it.”

Saul shook his head. “So, you’ll have to heal him.”

I shook my head as I grabbed what I could off the shelves and shoved them into a bag. “I’ve tried it before. It doesn’t work,” I said as memories of horrible screams and black eyes flashed through my mind. “I can slow it down, but the infection is resistant. I won’t be able to keep it at bay for long, maybe till morning but when it reaches his heart…” Pulling my bag over my shoulder I winced as another horrible wave of agony washed over me, making me want to vomit at its intensity. _Luna must be panicking_ , I thought, _it’s never been this bad._ I stumbled towards the door, and Saul caught me, holding me up.

I tried to push him away and stand on my own but he held me up, reaching behind himself to open the door. “Let me help you,” he said as I whimpered.

“You need to go,” I shook my head as we walked through the door. “Find Rosalind and the others and kill that thing.”

Saul nodded. “I will just---”

I pushed him away from me and began to climb the stairs on my own, gritting my teeth. “Go, Saul.” With a deep breath he took the stairs two at a time passing by me quickly. “Saul,” I called as he reached the top step and pulled the next door open. He twisted around and looked down at me. “Be careful,” I said.

Saul nodded his head and said nothing more as he disappeared through the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first, I didn’t hear the screams or maybe I did but I was so focused on my steps and ignoring the pain engulfing the left side of my body that the sound didn’t register. I raced down the hallway bag thrown over my shoulder as I passed soldier after soldier, and servants racing this way and that. The sound hit me. It was a man’s voice, high and careening, long drawn out screams of pain. It echoed along the marble floors and arching stone walls of the halls. A chill settled in my gut as I moved nearer to the source, hurrying as fast as I could.

“She’s here,” a voice called from the end of the hall as I rounded the final corner. The young scribe from before dashed down, grabbing my arm and pulling me as if he could somehow make me move faster than I already was. Stepping behind me he pushed me the last few steps over the threshold and announced my arrival as I stumbled forward. “Lady Endra, Your Majesty.”

On the bed, lay Kennan writhing in pain as Luna sat next to him. She looked up as I entered the room, her golden eyes flashing. Relief washed through me as the pain disappeared.

I ran to them, glancing over the I knelt next to the bed and looked Kennan over. Ragged claw marks covered his face and throat, cutting down over his chest. I pulled up the sheet over his stomach, a near gaping hole coming into sight. I held my breath. _Infection be damned he’ll be lucky to survive these wounds much longer._

“Can you heal him?” Luna asked, peering over him, her eyes bloodshot, tear tracks having destroyed her make-up.

“I can slow it,” I told her. “But I don’t know for how long.”

I reached into my bag, pulling out what little Zanbaq I had. Two vials, enough for an hour with the amount of wounds that covered his body. Kennan reached out trying to fight against me as I unstopped one vial and began to apply it to his wounds. The pain must have been excruciating. He screamed as his hand wrapped around my upper arm squeezing as the infection slowly receded, black spindly veins disappearing from his skin. I winced as his grip softened before his hand fell to the bed. The screaming turned to whimpers. I tossed the empty vial onto the nightstand and grabbed the last one, and did the same thing again.

With all the Zanbaq depleted I stood up and held my hands over the worst of his wounds. Luna sat up. “What are you doing?”

I focused my magic sending out five tendrils of familiar red light, letting them twist through the air down to Kennan’s body. I closed my eyes and watched as his body slowly relaxed as I blocked his pain.

“The unguent won’t work for long,” I explained, opening my eyes and looking over at Luna. “I don’t have enough.”

She looked at the two empty vials. “That’s _all_ you have?”

I looked at her sternly. “You’re lucky I had any at all---ah.” Luna’s eyes flashed and I dropped my head back wincing in pain for a moment before it disappeared. I tilted my head refocused on my task glancing at Luna briefly. “I was ill-prepared,” I said through grinding teeth. “I apologize.” I dropped my gaze and watched Kennan’s wounds attempt to heal. My magic spurred his body to create new tissue, but the infection continued to corrupt the muscles, blood and skin. “Fuck,” I whispered as I felt my magic draining away.

Luna’s eyes snapped up and met mine. “What?” she asked.

“The infection is corrupting the wounds. I can slow the bleeding, but I can’t get them to close.”

“He’s going to die?” she asked.

I looked over her face, judging how truthful she wanted me to be. “If Rosalind doesn’t destroy that burned one in the next few hours? Yes, he will die. And even then, the wounds he’s sustained are deep. If I spend all my energy keeping the infection at bay, I may not be able to heal him in time once the burned one is gone.”

Luna’s gaze fell to Kennan’s face, her eyes wide, bottom lip trembling as she looked over him. I focused on healing as my body began to sway with the drain on my energy. “How long?” she asked her voice low as she looked up at me.

I shook my head. “An hour, maybe two---"

Luna turned her head to the guards at the door. “Get me a report on Rosalind’s position. I want to know how much longer it will take her.” One of the soldiers bowed and exited the room, his partner staying in place. “You,” Luna said to him. “Go to the specialist’s quarters, see if they left any of their Zanbaq stores behind.” Without question, the guard stepped through the double doors and closed them behind him. I doubled down and focused on Kennan’s wounds, pushing more power as a test to see if that would change anything. It didn’t.

“Stop,” a voice said across from me. I ignored it and continued. “Stop,” Luna said again. Her order didn’t register with me and I frowned looking up from my work. Why would she possibly want me to stop? Then her eyes flashed. The pain knocked me back. With a gasp, I stumbled, my magic flickering out as I grabbed my arm and bit through my lip, the iron taste of blood filled my mouth.

“What are you doing?” I groaned looking over at Luna. Her eyes grew darker as she released her hold over me and the pain went away. She looked down at Kennan, moving over him, lifting a hand to run through his hair. He gurgled and turned away.

“I am taking advantage of the situation I find myself in,” Luna said. “His death will benefit the throne so much more than if he survives.”

I moved towards the bed, stopping as she flashed her eyes again for a brief moment. My knees buckled and I collapsed against the edge, holding myself up against the side of the mattress. I gasped, as she released me from the pain, and pressed my forehead to the sheets.

“Please don’t do this,” I begged. Terror welled up in my stomach. _Don’t make me do this, don’t pull me into this_. Was he vile? Yes. Did he deserve the fate he was faced with now? Perhaps, but so was she. I shook my head as tears painted my cheeks. “You can’t want this---”

“Do not tell me what I want,” Luna said, cutting her eyes at me with a glance. I flinched, expecting the pain, readying for it. This time it never came. “What story would you prefer I tell my child? That their father was a drunk. A cad? That he’s probably got a slew of bastards out there?”

“This is wrong,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. I looked up at Kennan’s face, the black veins growing beneath his skin once again. I reached out a hand, the tell-tale red glow of my magic coming from my fingertips.

“Don’t you dare,” Luna said.

I shook my head at her. “You’re asking me to not even try---”

“I am not asking. If it makes it easier for you to understand, take it as an order.”

I rose up on shaking legs, my hands morphing into fists. “You expect me to just stand by and let him die,” I finished with a whisper, eyes flickering to Kennan as he writhed on the bed with a groan that grew louder as he held it out.

Luna pushed back and clambered off the bed. I stepped back, running into the nightstand as she rounded the corner of the bed and approached me, fire in her gaze. I turned to Kennan and held my hands over him.

“Stop,” Luna ordered. Red light covered Kennan’s wounds moving through his skin and cells. I ground me teeth as the infection fought against me. It was stronger than before. Or perhaps I was weaker. For a moment the black veins receded but then rushed back before my magic quelled them for a short time more. The pain of Luna’s power over me came again. I gasped, fingers flexing into fists but I bit through my lip again, the real pain focusing me back on the task at hand. My mind screamed at me to stop, to do anything to make the pain cease. The only thing that made it bearable was the knowledge that no harm was actually coming to me, that I my skin was not sloughing away from my muscles, that my bones were not cracking, that I was not being burned. It was in my head and for a moment that gave me strength, but not for long.

Screaming filled my ears, and I was sure it was my own, but that did not stop me. A hand grabbed mine and I tore my eyes away from the open wounds. I looked at Luna as she stared at me wide eyed, mouth moving, saying something that was unable to penetrate the hum that filled my ears.

I felt it then, the iron strong fingers wrapping round my throat, my body thrown backwards as I stared up into night black eyes. I cried out as Kennan threw himself at me, both hands gripping my throat as he screamed in my face. I kicked, I screamed. I saw Luna running for the door out of the corner of my eyes as I struggled to breathe beneath him. My lungs burned as he choked me, spit dripping from his lips, falling over my face. Warm liquid covered my hands as I pushed at him, not caring that I was essentially digging my fingers into his open wounds. It didn’t seem to pain him, the pressure held. The scent of was blood in the air. I wasn’t sure if it was Kennan’s blood or my own and I didn’t have time to wonder as my vision grew spotty. Shadows moved above me as my body felt like lead, heavy and unyielding. My hands pushed weakly, finally falling away as my world turned to darkness.

I was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN. DUN. DUN. 
> 
> Comment below if you think Luna should die at the end of this fic or not. >.>


	17. Part Two The Past | Chapter 13 of 14

Fingers were stroking the back of my hand. That was the first feeling that came to me. It was followed by a weightlessness, as if I was suspended in warm water. I opened my eyes, the view above me blurred and dark, spots clouding my vision. I blinked. Better. I blinked again and again willing the spots to disappear and slowly the room came into focus.

“Hey, love,” a voice said softly. I turned my head. Saul sat next to me, a soft, relieved smile on his lips. He was in street clothes, cleaned up. I glanced over his face, taking in the big black bruise that covered the left side of his forehead and eye.

I opened my mouth to ask about it, but no sound came out. Only a hoarse whisper of air left my lips and an aching pain in my throat hit me. I pulled my hand from Saul’s and pushed myself up, clutching my throat, trying to push the words out. 

Saul pushed my hand away from my neck gently, and guided me back into the bed. “Don’t try to speak,” he said. I shook my head and brought my hand back to my throat red threads already leaving my fingers. They flickered out of focus as I closed my eyes, trying to heal myself. My body felt heavy. “Endra, you’re going to pass out again,” Saul’s voice called to me, his hand laying over mine. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused as my magic flowed over me like cold sludge, working slow and with a weak twinge to it as if I was pulling water from an empty well. The pain lessened. And then the well of energy, the reserve I’d pulled from my entire life, ran dry.

_What --- where --- why am I --- why can’t I…?_

The skin of someone’s knuckles ran over my forehead in soft, soothing strokes. I tried to move, tried to turn to see them, to feel them more but something weighed me down. I was heavier than I’d ever been, immovable. My mind raced with incoherent thoughts that began but never seemed to finish or ask an actual question.

A sound grew around me, muffled before the bubble surrounding me burst and clear voices whispered next to me.

“Just let her sleep, Saul. She’s weak---”

“I know. I know, I just need to know she’s okay. I… _look_ at her.”

“She’ll be okay you just have to give her…”

The voices grew muffled again. Fingertips drifted down the side of my face the feeling fading the farther they moved. All thought stopped. I knew nothing more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Déjà vu blanketed my mind as I found consciousness again. Weight. Floating. No sound.

I sighed as I opened my eyes to the sight of a familiar ceiling, my ceiling. A whisper left my lips.

“Saul?” I turned my head weakly as the bed dipped next to me, and the next thing I saw was his face.

“There you are,” he sighed as he sat over me, my hand tightly clasped in both of his. I blinked my eyes, a dull ache growing in my head. “Here,” Saul said, leaving me and reaching to the nightstand as I slowly sat up. He turned back and handed me a clear glass of water.

I downed the entire glass and handed it back to him, wiping my mouth on my sleeve. I closed my eyes as the room spun yet again, shaking my head to try and quell the feeling as I sat up, pulling my legs beneath me.

“What happened?” I asked softly, my voice a low gravel tone. I reached up and place my fingers over my throat as Saul tilted his head in disapproval. I held my hand up. “I’m not going to heal myself. Not until I’m stronger.”

“Good,” he said with a nod leaning toward me. He ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip slowly, looking over me. His eyes seemed to tremble. “Seeing you like this…” he whispered, glancing at my throat, at the circle of bruises still there.

I sniffled, moving closer to him, slipping my arms round his waist. “Now you know how it feels,” I whispered back. We sat like that for… I wasn’t sure how long. I may have fallen asleep against him for a moment as time seemed to stretch around me. The next time I opened my eyes, I was on my side, Saul’s fingers brushing along my hairline. I moved my eyes and looked up at him, too tired to really move.

“Go to sleep,” he murmured softly.

“What happened to Kennan?” I asked.

Saul shook his head. “You need to rest---”

“Saul.”

He sighed and looked down, hand stilling as he cupped my cheek. “We tracked the burned one to Maravat Falls. We got it.” I sighed. Saul stared down at me, as if he was scared to tell me more. A knot coiled in my stomach. “But the infection went rampant before---”

“Please, no,” I whispered.

Saul clenched his teeth. “They had to put Kennan down after he attacked you.”

I buried my face in the pillow. “Oh god.”

“There was nothing you could do,” Saul said, rubbing his hand over the center of my back in small circles. “You held out as long as you could. We weren’t quick enough, we couldn’t take it down fast enough.”

I shook my head and let out a guttural, “ _No_.”

I felt something crack inside me. It broke straight down the center of my chest. The specialists weren’t late. The King of Solaria died because I was too weak to stand up to Luna. I had seen people die before. But never because I hadn’t given everything I had to try and help them. And if Luna could force me to hesitate once--- what was stopping her from doing the same thing again?

Saul’s fingers ran through my hair. “Endra, the infection was too strong. Once it reaches the heart, it’s over, there’s nothing anyone can do. Even you have limits, love.”

“I didn’t -I…” body shaking I fell into a bout of nonsensical words and cries. Saul stayed by me, rubbing small circles across my back, reminding me to breathe when everything became too much when my lungs seemed to be crushed together, unable to pull in the air I needed. I was a mess of sobs and thoughts.

 _Kennan is dead because of me. I didn’t help him when I could and now I---_ A word played over and over in my mind. _Murderer. Did I kill him?_

Time had no meaning as I drifted between two states: one of over thinking and another of dreamless sleep. Each state had a constant. Fear and Saul. The fear was always there. But so was Saul.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time I awoke, Saul wasn’t with me. I sat up quickly, searching for him scanning my room. A knock at the door grabbed my attention and I found Saul pulling the door open quietly. A muffled voice said something too low for my ears to pick up. Saul shook his head at them, then looked over at me. His brow rose as his eyes met mine. A hand pushed his arm out of the way and Saul frowned as Luna’s scribe walked into the room.

“She needs rest,” Saul told him, pushing past the boy and stepping in front of him.

“And her Queen needs to speak with her,” the scribe said, looking over Saul’s shoulder at me. “Her Majesty wishes for you to join her in her chambers,” he told me.

Hot anger bubbled in my stomach at the thought of Luna and I pushed my nails into the bed of my palm to quell the tears that were threatening to fall as I remembered everything. Shaking my head, I pulled back the blankets and swung my legs off the bed. Before my feet touched the floor, Saul was next to me.

“You don’t have to go,” he told me. I shot him a look and he fell silent. I didn’t have the strength to argue with him and somehow, he seemed to understand. Reaching out, I grabbed his arm without a word and used him as a steadying support as I tried to stand.

“Saul…” I said his name as I rose up, a dizzy spell fogging my vision and leaving me weak as I slumped to the side. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, holding me up. I felt myself being lowered slowly back to the bed and the next time I could see, Saul was kneeling in front of me.

“She’s still weak,” he said to someone I could only see a shadow of. I blinked slowly, breathed slowly. The sound of the door closing brought me back and when I looked around I found that we were alone. The scribe was gone, and while everything seemed clearer, the room had a sway to it as if I was onboard a ship. I pushed myself to stand again, but Saul held me down.

“Stay with me,” he whispered and I shook my head.

“I have to go ---,” my voice broke, “get it over with.”

“Fuck that,” he said. “She can come down here and see you herself if its really that urgent.”

“That will never happen,” I said.

“Then she can wait until you’re strong enough to stand for god’s sake.”

I turned my head and winced then. As if she had heard Saul’s ranting, that stinging familiar pain broke across my skin. I sniffled and bit my lip and looked at Saul. His eyes fell to my wrist as I wrapped my fingers around it.

“Fucking hell,” he breathed, eyes hardening, jaw clenching. He pushed himself up to stand and I was afraid he was going to run from the room right then, go to Luna and give her a piece of his mind. I caught his hand and used all my strength to keep him next to me.

“Saul, please,” I whimpered and he turned back to me then, eyes softening. I shook my head at him. “Help me.”

“Endra…”

“Just help me, please.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I clung to Saul’s arm as we walked down the final hallway. He held me up as my legs tried to twist and turn against each other. I held my breath as Luna’s guards came into view in front of her chambers and a pit grew in my belly.

_What am I walking into?_

Luna’s scribe waited outside the door impatiently as we approached. He glanced at Saul with one raised eyebrow then looked to me.

“You’re late,” he said and I fought to stop my eyes from rolling. Saul on the other hand wasn’t as well mannered.

“You’re lucky she’s here at all,” he said, towering over the younger man. I bit back a smile.

The scribe stepped back looking to the two guards flanking him. “You’ll wait here Specialist Silva. The Queen only summoned Lady Endra.”

Saul opened his mouth and I squeezed his hand. We shared a look and I nodded my head.

 _It’s okay_.

Slowly I pulled my hand out of his and stepped forward, newfound strength in my legs. I glanced back at Saul as the guards stepped between us, stopping him from following.

“I’ll be here,” he said, a silent promise to his words. I nodded then entered Luna’s chambers.

The lights were low, the room empty. I remembered the last time I had been in the room. The memory of blood and sweat tickled my nose. As the door closed behind me, the pain in my wrist abated and I let out a small sigh of relief. I looked round the room, trying to find Luna.

“Endra.” I turned to the side as my name was called and found her sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. She looked normal. Hair immaculate, clothes in the same fashion. She didn’t look at all tired as if she had slept wonderfully the past few nights. I ground my teeth as I stepped across the room and stood before her. She looked me over. “I’m glad you’re alright,” she said and I couldn’t help the snort that left my mouth.

_Enough of this fake conversation._

I said the first thing that came to mind, the words that I was dying to throw at her. “Kennan is dead because of you,” I hissed.

Luna stared at me. She didn’t blink. Her hands were steady as she set down her cup of tea on the little table next to her. “Kennan is dead because he was attacked by a burned one. That was not my doing or yours. He wouldn’t have made it till morning.” Luna narrowed her eyes at me. “Your magic was weakening. All you were doing was extending his suffering.”

I scoffed and nodded. “You think you put him out of his misery.”

“Yes.” We stared at one another and it took everything I had to keep my mouth from dropping open in shock. She shook her head after a moment. “Besides, I don’t know why you’re so torn up about this. He was filth. Stop pretending you actually cared for him.”

“I don’t care what he was. No one deserves to die like that --- there was a chance I could save him. _You_ stopped me from doing that.”

Luna tilted her head and looked at me as one might looks at a child squabbling. “It’s done, Endra. Let it go.”

“I’ll tell,” I winced at the childish choice of words, but the fog clouding my brain made it hard to think of another way to say it. I would tell the truth. I had no idea who I would tell it to, but I would tell _someone_.

Luna shook her head. “I just lost my husband, the father of my child. No one will believe your word over mine. And I’m the Queen of Solaria. _You_ are no one.”

I sneered. “Even a queen has to answer to someone eventually.” I turned on my heel and began walking towards the door.

“And what did Specialist Silva have to say about all this when you told him?” Luna asked. I stopped. I turned slowly, breath caught in my chest. “I’m the Queen of Light,” she said. “I see everything. I know he’s special to you.”

I shook my head. “Don’t bring him into this,” I told her. My hands folded into iron hard fists at my sides as she shrugged as if she was considering not continuing her line of thought. But then she did.

“You didn’t tell him. You won’t tell him. Because you know what I can do.” I held my breath as she paused. “Endra, I don’t need those marks on your wrist to get you to do what I want. All I have to do is promise to make your life a living hell.”

“Saul has nothing to do with this.”

“But he does,” Luna said, feigned sadness in her voice. “The entire time I’ve known you, ever since we were girls, you’ve cared for nothing. But you care about him. I understand why. And because of that, I’m willing to bet you would do anything to keep him safe.”

I chuckled breathlessly and shook my head. “You are barking up the wrong tree. Threatening Saul --- hurting him will not get me to do what you want.”

Luna shrugged. “Perhaps not. But I am giving you the chance to avoid losing the one piece of happiness you have left. He can be a lifeline for you, or you can drown together. But go ahead,” she said waving her hand at me, “imagine spending the rest of your life without him, knowing that he’s dead because you chose to disobey me.”

“What do you want?” I asked finally. “Because you wouldn’t pull this card if all you wanted was my silence.”

Luna nodded. “The people who released the burned one,” she looked over at me, eyes cold, “I want them dealt with.”

“I’m just a healer,” I told her.

“Don’t sell yourself short. I know what my mother was training you for. I thought I would be more merciful than she was, that I wouldn’t need your… other talents. But now I’m beginning to see that she was right about some things. Sometimes a little death goes a long way.”

“If you want someone dead, do it yourself,” I hissed. Luna raised an eyebrow. “I’m not your assassin.” I let my head fall back as the stinging sensation in my hand grew. Luna glared at me, her voice full of venom.

“I own you for the next 17 years. Do you want to feel this pain every waking moment?” she asked. I groaned and reached out, setting my hand on the back of a chair, leaning against it as my knees buckled.

I considered not fighting the shadows, just letting them take me straight down to the floor and letting the world fade away again. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the pain then. Maybe I’d have a quick reprieve. But then I looked at Luna and I realized I couldn’t give her the satisfaction of watching me pass out on the floor in front of her. Gripping the back of the chair I pushed myself to stand up. I leveled my gaze and breathed deeply, unable to stop the flinch that ran up my spine. I wasn’t immune to the pain but I was stronger than it was. For the moment at least.

“Find someone else. There are plenty of murderers in the world for you to choose from, Your Majesty.” I spat out her title as if it put a bad taste in my mouth.

Luna’s jaw clenched. “There are. But they can’t make it look natural. Not like you can.” She leaned forward and somehow the pain grew more terrible and I was certain that I was being burnt alive. “I am not asking, Endra. This pain can end. You and that specialist can be together. Choose.”

Tears pricked at my eyes as I slumped down falling to my knees. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I had no idea how much time had really passed before I shook my head and sobbed.

“Please stop,” I begged her, “stop.” Luna shook her head and I pulled in a ragged gasp of air as she pushed her magic over me, the pain growing and growing until a piercing scream broke out from my lips. I writhed on the floor, tossing and turning clawing at my skin. Voices joined mine, muffled shouts coming through the doors and I closed my eyes as another bout of screams was torn from my throat. Red blood ran down my arm as I dug into my own flesh as if I was trying to root out the nerves.

Then the pain was gone. My body was racked with sobs that grew silent as I buried my face in the rug beneath me. The shouts from the hallway grew more noticeable and I listened between gasps and sobs.

 _Saul?_ I turned my head to the door, praying that it would open that he would come. The voices died, growing more and more distant. I whimpered as footsteps came up behind me. Slowly, I looked up to find Luna standing over me.

“Are you ready to choose?” she asked. I stared up at her for a moment. My teeth bit the inside of my cheek. Closing my eyes, I rolled to the side and buried my face in my bloody hands. Sniffles and whimpers echoed through the chamber as I nodded my head.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah I haven't had internet for two weeks (it's still out) and I finally had a break from school to finish writing this chapter. Here's hoping my cellular data will let me post it. T_T
> 
> Mad protective Saul is my jam guys.


	18. Part Two The Past | Chapter 14 of 15

I walked out the doors of Luna’s chambers, doing my best to stop the tears that were stinging at my eyes. I cradled my arm against my stomach, trying to hide the bloody scratches that marred the skin. The doors closed behind me with a soft thud as the guards looked over me, still standing straight and tall. There was no sign of Saul.

“Where is Specialist Silva?” I asked the guard to my right, voice thready and uneven.

The guard glanced at his companion for a moment before clearing his throat. “He was removed from the hall.”

“Yes, I can see that,” I said, raising my eyebrows in tandem with my voice, “and where was he removed _to_?”

“His room,” the second guard spoke up, bowing his head at me as I walked past him. With one hand on the wall, I began to slowly make my way down the hall. “They won’t let you in to see him,” the guard called behind me. I ground my teeth together as my hands folded in fists.

“I’d like to see them try,” I murmured.

~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time I made it to the guest wing, I was winded, I was tired, and I was furious. There’s something about marching across a palace when you’re beyond exhausted that eats away at you. And by the time Saul’s room came into view, along with the guards stationed outside his door, I was ready to let my anger destroy the entire building.

“Lady Endra,” one of the guards said as I approached.

“Open the door,” I ordered, though I had no real power over either man. The guards seemed to know that, but weren’t sure how to tell me as they glanced at one another.

“Ma’am, I can’t---"

“If you would like to father children one day, I suggest you unlock the door,” I said, raising a hand, red magic enveloping my fingers. I flashed my eyes at both men. They stood straighter as though their increase in height was meant to deter me.

“Lady Endra…”

With a wave of my hand, I sent a gust of magic toward both of them. Before they could cry out, before they could say anything or do anything, they fell into a heap on the floor. I took a deep breath as I pulled the magic back to me, swaying under its weight and the weight of everything my body had already been through in the past few days. I swallowed and shook my head and stepped over them. Reaching down, I pulled the key from the guard’s belt and unlocked the door. With another wave of my hand, I played with the light until both guards were out of sight. It was a rushed and shoddy job, and I could see their shadows and a flicker of the faces if I looked closely. But from a distance, the hall would appear empty. As I opened the door, I decided I’d deal with the mess later.

Quietly I stepped inside the room and closed the door behind me. It was a simple bed room. A desk in one corner and bed in the center. By the window, I spied Saul pacing back and forth. He turned and faced me as the door latched behind me.

“Endra,” he said before running to me. I met him halfway, throwing my arms around his neck, burying my face in his chest as sob after sob left my body. My feet left the floor as he picked me up without a word and carried me to the bed. I peeked out from his shirt as he situated us at the edge of the bed, holding me in his arms, rocking back and forth as I continued to cry. His fingers circled my wrist, and turned my arm over. I didn’t have to see it to know when he saw the gouged flesh as he took in a hiss of breath, his body stiffening against me. His arms moved around me and if it was possible, it felt as though his hold tightened.

He said nothing. I said nothing. I ran my hand up the side of his neck and gripped the collar of his shirt. The only sound in the room was the echo of my sobs that showed no sign of dying.

After a while, Saul’s lips brushed against my ear. “You need to tell Farah,” he murmured. I shook my head and if possible, buried my face deeper into his shirt. “Endra, she might be able to help --- no one knows more about fairy craft than she does except Rosalind.” I noted how he didn’t suggest we go to Rosalind.

“It won’t change anything,” I whispered, peering up at him, blinking back tears. I glanced at my arm at the white lines and the red. I started to breathe hard and fast as if all came rushing back. The spell on my wrist wasn’t the only thing that would keep me in Luna’s thrall.

Wordlessly, Saul began to stand, setting me on the bed next to him. I clutched at his jacket. “Don’t go,” I pleaded, panic rising in my throat. “Please don’t---”

He reached up and pried my hands off him. “I’ll be right back,” he promised.

“Saul---” Stepping back, he jogged to the door and disappeared into the hall. I rose off the bed and began to pace, back and forth, turning towards the door at every sound. I tried to focus on my breathing, tried to stop the sudden intake of air following every gushing exhale. Finally, the door opened and Saul came back into the room. Before the door could close, I was on him again, hugging him tightly. He led me back to the bed, and sat me down, this time kneeling in front of me.

“Breathe with me,” he said, cupping the back of my neck and I welcomed the warmth of his skin on mine. I followed his eyes as he breathed in and I mimicked breathing in through my nose slowly, a long intake of breath. He breathed out. I breathed out. In and out, again and again. Shivers and quakes still ran through my body, but soon my breathing was even. Saul squeezed my hand as a soft knock came from the door. Saul’s head turned as the door opened and I held his hand tighter and held my breath. Saul rose to stand next to me as Farah walked through the door, her gaze taking in the room before falling on me.

“Can you help her?” Saul asked, his voice small. He reached down and lifted my left hand, holding it out to her. Farah frowned as she came and sat next to me, her eyes first noticing the wounds on my arm before finally noticing the lace like lines on my wrist.

“Do you know what it is?” I asked as she turned my wrist in one direction and then another.

“A binding spell. Ancient and out of practice.” She glanced at me. “Humans would catch fairies and in order to free ourselves we had to do their bidding. It was a rare thing, but because humans were… less magically inclined we were able to fool them with the whole three wishes gimmick. Which is how we got our reputation for being tricksters in traditional human lore. In fairy society, it was a bond of servitude, one that both parties had to agree to, but it fell out of practice hundreds of years ago.”

“Theia knew how to do it,” I whispered.

Farah’s brow wrinkled. “It would take powerful magic to bind a fairy to another, the Queen of Light would be one of a few people in the Otherworld that could do so.” She turned to me. “Did Theia tell you how long you would be bound to her?” Farah asked.

I nodded. “Eighteen years.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t make it lifelong,” Farah murmured. “And she transferred it to Luna, I’m guessing?” I nodded and glanced at Saul, his eyes trained on my skin. Farah ran her fingers over my skin and finally shook her head as I turned back to her. She looked over my face sadly. “I cannot break this. No one but the owner of the mark can.”

“But this can’t be legal,” Saul said finally breaking his silence. Farah and I both looked up at him. He threw a hand at my mark. “This is basically slavery. The things she wants Endra to do ---”

“Are abhorrent I’m sure,” Farah agreed, “but not illegal, under the spell. The practice stopped but it was never written out of law.” She shook her head. “The only thing that might make this bearable, Endra,” she turned to me. “Under traditional fairy law, the guilt for the acts you are ordered to do --- it doesn’t lie with you. You would not blame a sword for cutting down a man in cold blood, but the wielder.”

“So I can kill all the people Luna wants me to, but I don’t have to feel guilty about it,” I said shaking my head at the absurdity. “Fantastic.” Pulling my hand out of Farah’s, I stood up and made my way to the window, turning my back on both of them. My vision blurred as I stared out into the sun filled gardens below. Saul murmured something and soft footsteps moved behind me towards the door, followed by the sound of the hinges creaking open.

“Endra,” Farah’s voice called. Reaching up, I wiped my eyes and twisted round, arms crossing over my abdomen. “One overarching theme from all the stories and texts on this was how the fairies twisted their owner’s wishes. You have to do what they say. And sometimes, if executed correctly, that can be more a burden on them, than on you.” Turning to the side she nodded to Saul, before disappearing through the door. I turned my back and looked out the window once again.

Time mixed with a slurry of emotions that overwhelmed me and I flinched as Saul’s arms wrapped around me from behind. He stopped moving for a moment before I grabbed his hands and pulled him closer.

“If you want out of… whatever this is,” I said as I twisted around and faced him, “now’s the time.”

Saul’s eyes narrowed. “No,” he said bluntly. “Whatever happens, I want us to face it.”

“Even if we’re not on the same continent?” I asked, biting my lip. Saul’s brow furrowed. “She’s sending me to Eraklyon, to find the people who infiltrated the party and released the burned one.”

“By yourself?”

I pursed my lips and nodded. “Just me,” I whispered.

“And once you find them?” Saul asked.

I stared up at him and the words were hoarse as they left my lips. “Saul, please don’t make me say it.” I cried as he pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me, pressing me to his chest as he shushed me, hands rubbing up and down my back.

“I’ll be here,” he said as I cried. “Even if you can’t feel it, I’m here, Endra, you aren’t alone, I promise.”

“I thought I’d be strong enough,” I whispered. “Saul, I can’t breathe.” Taking me by the hand, Saul sat me down on the chair next to the window. Again he knelt in front of me and breathed with me, until I could finally let out a little laugh. “See?” I asked. “I can’t even breathe without you.” I cupped his cheek as he looked up at me. “I love you,” I whispered, leaning down and pressing my brow to his. We closed our eyes, sharing the silence.

Finally, Saul broke it. “When do you leave?” he asked.

I bit my lip. “In the morning,” I said. The thought made me sick to my stomach. “Promise me you’ll be safe,” I said and Saul frowned. I shook my head and looked up. “Luna…”

Saul rose up, and brought my gaze back down to his with his hand on the back of my head. “Luna what?”

I took a deep breath. “Saul, she knows about us.”

“That’s why you’re doing this?” he asked, rising to stand. I caught his arms and stood up, moving between him and the door.

“Don’t,” I begged him, wishing I had never said anything. “Saul, please.” I reached up, setting my hands on either side of his face. He pushed me away as gently as he could but I kept myself between him and the door. “Look at me.” I blocked the door with my entire body. Saul stopped in his tracks.

“Endra.”

“Nothing you do will change any of this, Saul, please,” I pleaded, stepping towards him.

“And don’t you see how nothing will change if we don’t stand up to her?” he shot back. I flinched at the depth of his voice. He held his breath as I pressed my back to the door. “Endra, I can’t watch her do this to you.”

I held my breath and stared at him. The words built up in my stomach, ballooned their way through my chest and spilled from my lips in a hoarse, pitiful whisper.

“If you love me, you will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

_10 months later_

The stench of death and cleaning supplies filled my nose as I stood in the morgue. It was the dead of night, the lights above flickering with an annoying buzz as I waited. On the table before me lay a girl, perhaps a year or so older than me. Next to her, beneath a white sheet lay a small bundle and my stomach turned at the sight.

“Endra, how good to see you,” a voice hummed as the room shimmered around me. I blinked at the way the light bent before me and a vision of Luna stood on the other side of the table. She looked down at the body before her with narrowed eyes and the hint of a smile of satisfaction. “The last on your list. You must be pleased,” she said, glancing at me. “Though I did think it would take you less time, than it did.”

I shrugged and crossed my arms. “I simply followed your orders, Your Majesty.” I smiled. “Now you can tell your ministers that the rebel faction opposing you is defeated.” The words stung on my tongue like I’d just sipped straight from a cup of boiling water.

“Of course,” Luna said sweetly, and if she noticed the way my hands were clenched, she said nothing. “You should return to Solaria. Of course, take your time,” she said. “I look forward to seeing you back in the palace soon. Stella still needs to be introduced to you.” I ground my teeth as Luna’s magic lifted and my eyes fell to the little body on the table. God help any spawn of Luna’s.

Reaching up, I brushed my bangs away from my brow and stepped over to the door. I flipped the light switch and sighed as the buzz of electricity stopped and the room fell into darkness. With a wave of my hands I made sure there was no chance that Luna’s magic was hiding her in the room. After a moment, I came to the conclusion that I was alone.

I stepped in between the two examination tables, and pulled back the sheet. A small infant, only five months old lay on the table, with pale skin and blue lips. I looked over at the girl, the baby’s mother. Neither was dead, yet neither was alive. I held my hand out over them, red light drifting from my fingertips. The glow of my magic filled the room as I worked, finally letting out a breath as the baby’s chest began to rise and fall and the color came back to his face. I dropped my hand, leaving him in a light dreaming sleep as I focused on his mother. I steeled myself and pushed all my magic into her, bringing her back from the brink of death.

With a gasp, her body convulsed as her eyes opened and she panted, eyes searching the ceiling above her as fear overtook her. She tried to sit up, but I pushed her back down, my face hovering over hers.

“If you want to live, you’re going to do what I tell you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter for Part II but I couldn't make it flow right with the ending part and so there will be one more chapter out for part II soon. <3


	19. End of Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ BEFORE READING CHAPTER Note: It has been a year since Endra and Saul have seen one another. I think the chapter explains this pretty well but in case that isn’t clear, I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. Enjoy!

1 month after Endra finished her mission in Eraklyon

I stepped off the curb carefully, watching as cars passed this way and that. I held out a hand as one honked at me and sped up, crossing the street quickly. I let out a sigh as I reached the other side. The sun was lowering itself and people were scampering this way and that as they left work and set out to enjoy a night to themselves, naively thinking they were the only ones with such plans.

I glanced at the paper in the palm of my hand and looked up at the building before me. Stuffing the note in my pocket I approached the steps which led to the weathered front door of the apartment building. With a quick jerk, I pulled it open and stepped inside. A humid heat filled the main floor as I closed the door behind me, wincing as sweat began to trickle down the back of my neck. Mid-summer and the building had horrible ventilation. I cracked my neck and set to climbing the stairs in silence.

 _49C_. I glanced down hallways as I passed one floor and then another. With a sigh, I wiped my brow on the back of my hand as I stopped on the third floor and began to count the doors. A knot began to twist in my stomach.

_Please be here. Please answer. Please talk to me. Please._

Finally, I came to a stop in front of a scuffed-up door that read _4_C_. I glanced up and down the hall and figured I was close enough and if this wasn’t it, I’d keep searching. I took a deep breath. I held it in as I reached up and rapped my knuckles on the door in three quick knocks. The sound echoed and I dropped my hand. Then I waited. And waited. With a sigh, I lifted my hand again and moved to strike the door once more.

Suddenly the door pulled open before I could knock again, and grey eyes, normally cool yet now bloodshot and wide stared at me.

“Endra.”

I looked at him. His face was scruffy, bags were under his eyes. His hair was a mess and his clothes… they didn’t look particularly hygienic. He looked like hell.

“Hello, Saul,” I said, voice steady.

He looked down at the doorknob in his hand and cleared his throat. “How did---”

I held up the note, pretty, dainty script on the paper. “Farah.” I shoved it back into my pocket and stepped forward. “May I come in?” I asked, not waiting for him to respond. It was only when I was past him and had no choice but to continue walking into the apartment that I had a horrible thought.

 _Please don’t let there be another woman here, please_.

The one room apartment was dreadful in more ways than one. For starters it was terribly hot, and drab. Paper peeled off where the wall met the ceiling. A single bed was crammed into one corner, a small kitchen in the other. The floor was covered in laundry. I almost made a joke about how unlike Saul it was for the room to be in such a state. But I thought better of it. Thankfully there was no sign that anyone other than Saul was occupying the room.

“I got worried when you stopped replying to my letters,” I said as I glanced out the window. I looked back over my shoulder and found Saul with his arms crossed, standing next to the kitchen. “Farah ended up being the only one who would tell me anything.” He said nothing and I crossed my arms. “It’s nice to see you too, Saul,” I said after a moment letting a flash of anger escape me before I put a lid on it again. I reminded myself that I wasn’t here to yell at him.

Saul’s eyes fell to the floor as I dropped my hands to my sides. I bit my lip then ripped off the band-aid.

“I know what happened with Andreas, Saul,” I said softly. He looked up and the pain on his face was heartbreaking to see.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, turning and crossing the room to stand in front of the other window. My eyes followed him.

“Then don’t,” I said as I stepped to the side, staying parallel with him. “I didn’t come here to make you relive it.”

His head turned and he glared at me. “Then why did you come?”

I straightened up and took a deep breath as I bit my tongue. “Because you promised you would be there for me. I want to do the same for you.” I stepped towards him. “Don’t shut me out, we’ve been through that before and I can’t bear it. I know you’re hurting and I haven’t been around, but I am here now.”

Saul chuckled and looked down at his feet. “Yeah, for how long, Endra? I haven’t seen you in a year.”

I bit my tongue, curbing the snarky response that was fighting to break through my teeth. “If I could have come back, I would have. You know that,” I ended with a whisper.

Saul shook his head and said nothing. We stood in silence for a few minutes, until all I could hear was my own breaths and the sound of horns and cars on the street. Finally, Saul glanced at me. He clenched his jaw.

“How long?” he asked again.

I swallowed and wet my lips. “I have to report to Solaria next Friday.” I stepped forward as he took a quick hissing breath and turned to face the window again. I looked up at him sadly. “That’s all she would give me. I’m sorry.” I stared at him, thinking of the hundreds of apologies that wanted to spill out of me like water from a broken glass.

_I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry you think you’re alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me._

Saul said nothing. Slowly, I reached out and brushed my fingers over his shoulder. He didn’t move. I placed my hand on his arm. He still didn’t move. I took a step closer, bringing my free hand to rest on his. I glanced at our hands letting out a quiet sigh as I felt his skin beneath mine for the first time in far too long.

“I don’t know what to do, Endra,” he whispered and I looked up into his eyes. They glistened with the beginnings of tears and I reached up to cup his cheek. He leaned down and rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” I whispered, before looking up at him. “Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooooooot. End of part two. Now we get to jump to the future! Mwhahahahaha. Just so everyone knows, part three occurs three months after part one.   
> Part three’s synopsis: Endra returned from Alfea to the Solarian capital with Luna three months ago. The news from Alfea is alarming as more burned ones are being sighted every day. Saul, Farah and Ben have done their best to keep the school running but are quickly being overwhelmed. Meanwhile, Endra has noticed several changes happening in the capital, some more personal than others.


End file.
